I left the clubhouse as soon as I could. I don’t run from a fight, never have. But it’s different now. I’d never killed a man before either. But then my boy was taken right out from under me, and it was like a lifetime worth of guilt and doubt came crashing into me. Was I doing my best with my kids? Was I screwing them up more because I raised them, mostly, the way I’d been raised? Being a club kid isn’t easy. A lot of women think they can handle the lifestyle, and then they get pregnant and realize they can’t. My mother was never that woman. If anything, I’d only ever known her as this fierce creature who protected her family—all of them—at all costs. I’ve always prided myself on being just like her. I can handle anything.
At least I thought I could.
That scene back at the clubhouse didn’t make a lot of sense. It’s clear the boys are in more trouble out here than I thought, which only spurs another set of fears in me about the safety of my kids. What bothers me most is how I reacted to it. I hate feeling so vulnerable. That is by far the worst part of having kids. Your soft spot is obvious to every fucking asshole on the planet. Nobody has to touch me to hurt me—they just have to be a threat to my children, and suddenly my worst fears are coming true.
“Mom, I can’t really breathe.” Zander’s voice is muffled by my shoulder blade. The moment I got back to my dad’s house, I plopped down on the couch next to him and pulled him to me. I haven’t let go since.
Dad’s asked if I’m okay, to which I managed a terrible lie that promised him I’m fine. Piper abandoned her blocks on the floor in favor of crawling into my lap. Her presence made me feel a little better, but the truth is, I’m coming unhinged. This Segreti is a threat to my man and, by proxy, my children. Growing up in such a violent world makes you numb to the reality of it, I think. I’m not numb anymore.
“Sorry, baby,” I say and pull back. Zander’s eyes search mine for an answer. He knows something up. My boy’s not stupid.
“What’s going on?”
Honesty, Amber. You’ve always been honest with the kid.
“Your dad wants to see you,” I say with a smile. The kid’s entire fucking face lights up. He tries to play it cool, but I can see the hope in his eyes. “There was a scuffle at the club, but it’s all good.”
“You’re lying,” he says stiffly. My kid’s got a bullshit detector most men would envy. Admittedly, he got that from his momma.
“Not about your dad, just about the club shit. Not our business, though.”
“Since when has club business been none of yours?”
“Since I’m talking to my fourteen-year-old,” I say. Zander knows basically nothing about the club’s beef with Mancuso, and he definitely knows nothing about Segreti and whatever the hell is going on there, and I would just as soon it stays that way. I won’t lie to him if he asks a direct question, but I do omit as much as I can.
“I won’t be fourteen forever, lady.” Zander huffs and pushes off from the couch. His voice has taken on a real grouchy tone that I don’t much care for but can’t do much about. Not unless I want to spend the whole of my waking hours dealing with it. My boy is already six feet—not surprising since his dad’s six-foot-six—and something to contend with when I’m trying to ground his gargantuan ass. And right now, with the way his shoulders are heaving and his nostrils flaring, I can tell that he’s fixing to earn himself some trouble. “I’m gonna have my cut one day, and I’ll be the one who knows shit and doesn’t tell you about it.”
I take a deep breath as Piper stands and starts jumping up and down on my lap. She balances herself by grabbing at my nose and ear. It hurts like hell, but I try to focus on her brother. I narrow my eyes at Z and give him a devious smile. I’m way better at this game than he is.
“You’ll need the president’s approval. And do you really think he’ll sign off on you prospecting if his old lady shuts that shit down?”
“That’s just cold, Mom,” he says and kicks at the carpet.
In the distance, I can hear a Harley approaching. My eyes fall closed for half a second. I instinctively know who it is. Piper pulls at my nose, shooting throbbing pain through my head and face. Shit. I gently take her little hand and pretend to eat it.