“Yeah, you will,” I say. “And when are you going to pay Ryder back?”
He shrugs, digs a spoon into the yogurt. “Soon.”
“When?”
“No offense, Cass, but what do you care?” he says. “It’s my fuckup, it’s my money—”
“It’s his money,” I say. “That’s the problem.”
“What, are you and Ryder pals now?” he says. “You’re on his side?”
“I’m on my side,” I say. “And while you’ve been doing whatever the fuck it is you’ve been doing these past couple weeks wherever the hell you’ve been ignoring me, I’ve been negotiating with him to save this house and your ass.”
Jamie looks at me. “Nobody asked you to do that,” he says. “I can take care of my own problems.”
“By running away from them?” I say. “Because you know what, Jamie? Even if you leave, the problems don’t go anywhere. They just wait for you to come back.” And send you threatening flower bouquets in the meantime. For the first time, I realize Jamie and I are swimming in a similar ocean of trouble. He’s in over his head, but maybe I’m just treading water til the tide starts to roll in with the storm.
He puts the empty yogurt container on the counter. “I’m close to getting the money, okay?” he says. “I just need a little more time.”
“I think you should just talk to Ryder,” I say. I comb my bangs out of my eyes. “He’s actually a pretty reasonable guy.”
“Yeah, if you’re a pretty girl, I’m sure he’s a real gem,” Jamie says. “But my seeing him right now is probably not in the best interest of my kneecaps.” His face softens, his eyes get bigger, and I know what’s coming. I’ve seen it all his life. Jamie’s going to try to get something for nothing. “You’re not going to tell him I’m here, are you?”
I sigh. “I don’t know.”
He puts his hands on my arms, which are folded in front of my chest. “I am really close, Cass, to paying him. And putting this whole thing behind me. Us.”
I close my eyes. “Fine,” I say. “I won’t tell him you’re back. But when you say you’re close to all the money, you better mean like the distance between a pig and a mud puddle: all but drowning in it.”
“Thanks, Cass.” He hugs me, then turns to leave.
“I think you forgot something,” I say, pointing to the empty yogurt container and dirty spoon.
Jamie turns around. “Oh, no, I’m done with that.”
“Then you better get back here and take care of it,” I say. “Because I’m about done cleaning up your messes.”
CASSIE
CH. 21
At Altitude the rest of the week, I feel nervous whenever I’m around Ryder. And not “I-know-what-your-cock-tastes-like-and-it-makes-my-panties-wet-but-we-have-to-work-together” nervous. That kind of nervous I wouldn’t mind. Actually, I sort of like that kind of nervous. My nerves are of the “I’m-not-telling-you-something-you’d-definitely-want-to-know” variety, which makes me feel like I’m lying right to Ryder’s handsome face.
For some reason, not having yet told Ryder about Sebastian doesn’t seem like as big a deal as not telling him Jamie’s back in town. Sebastian is my secret to keep, and even though there’s still a part of me that feels like I should tell Ryder, I guess I also feel like I don’t know exactly what we are right now—just sex or something more? A rebound or a relationship?—and that makes everything a grey area, truth-telling included.
But keeping Jamie’s homecoming from Ryder is a secret I’m keeping just for Jamie, not for me. I’m doing enough for Jamie as it is without adding lying to the list, though it took three days after he got home to realize that I seemed to be going somewhere from the morning until the evening, mostly because I don’t think he got up until mid-afternoon. “Do you have a job or something?” he asked last night when I got home from working all day at the bar.
“Or something, yes,” I said, putting away the groceries I’d picked up. “I’m keeping the books for free at Altitude, thanks to you.”
Jamie furrowed his brow. “That’s how you’re negotiating with Ryder?”
“You got it, Columbo,” I said, shutting the freezer.
Jamie folded the brown paper grocery bags as I unloaded them, the crunching sound filling the silence between us. “So I probably don’t even owe him a full ten grand anymore, right?” he said. “Since you’re handling it and all.”
I left the room so I didn’t kill him.