I was a prick, okay?
I took Ana to meet Mrs. McGover and Honey. Ana loved Honey. Mrs. McGover fell for Ana, but who wouldn’t? We were all inside the house and for some damn reason, Ana spotted something on a stand in the kitchen. It turned out to be some kind of ring. A little diamond in the middle but two yellowish diamonds on the side. Mrs. McGover said it had a special story and she’d never tell it.
About a year after Ana moved into town, Honey died. Old age. Nothing could be done to stop it. To face the truth of time. The first time I went down the sidewalk and the dog wasn’t there to chase me, I cried. I stood on the corner and cried like a fucking baby. Then I saw Mrs. McGover in the window staring at me.
We never spoke about it, but I kept cutting her grass and helping her for another few years. Shit, I would pull up on my motorcycle and leather cut. I’d get off, take off my cut, lit up a smoke, and then cut the grass for her.
She never judged me for my life and what I did to survive.
Then she told me she was sick, just like her husband had been.
I cried that day again, right in front of her.
It was the first and only time she ever hugged me.
And you know what she did then?
She gave me that damn ring Ana saw that day. She had never seen Ana again after that first time. But yet it stuck with her.
Mrs. McGover put the ring in my hand and told me that one day I would give it to Ana.
I thought she was full of shit.
I found out later the ring was worth over ten grand. But I promised I would never sell it, no matter what.
I attended Mrs. McGover’s funeral, along with Slam, King, and Matteo. Shit, we were four of the ten people there. We stuck out like sore thumbs in the small group of elderly folk all dressed up.
After everyone left, I had a smoke and held the ring up, staring at it.
I knew then that death was inevitable. Whether the fucking reaper got me on the road or some jack off put a bullet in my head or I got cancer, I was going to die.
That was the exact moment I knew… I was going to propose to Ana.
twenty-nine
(knox)
NOW
I knew she was thinking it and I fucking hated that she said something about it. Of course Ana being pregnant was a big risk for her, the baby, me, and the MC. She would be an easy target from now on, along with my family.
My family.
The one thing I secretly wanted in life but never really had.
I walked to the kitchen and grabbed my bag. I tossed it to the table, knowing that Ana had to be in a panic in the bedroom. I didn’t mean to just storm away from her, but I had to get something.
I kept that damn ring with me everyday of my life. It was zipped in a small inside pouch and when I touched the ring, it finally all made sense to me. All the guilt and bullshit seemed to just wash away. Whatever had happened through all these years with me and my darlin’ didn’t really matter.
We were together right now and she was carrying my child.
A life growing inside her. A life that knew nothing about the Reap. A life that knew nothing about wild violence and wilder outlaws.
I squeezed the ring tight in my hand.
I was butt ass naked in the kitchen, feeling all these emotions run through my body. Hell, I could have cried. I could have screamed with happiness. I could have jumped and fist bumped the air. But I didn’t want my dick to come slamming down on the table and break the table in half…
I just stood there.
It was a stoic feeling. A feeling that went beyond being a man.
I was now a father.
Everything changed. Everything would continue to change.
I opened my hand and looked at the damn ring.
The one thing that wouldn’t change…
The love for Ana, my darlin’.
I went back to the room and sat on the edge of the bed. Ana’s beautiful eyes were big and worried.
“I’m not leaving,” I said. “I wouldn’t do that to you.”
“I’m sorry for what I said.”
“No. You’re right, Ana. Why the fuck would I want kids? I grew up in a world that was a storm of shit. You saw where I lived, how I lived. Hell, you lived it yourself. Who would want to relive that? The difference, darlin’, is that you and I are meant to be. We have a connection that nobody can fuck with. People have tried to fuck with us for a long time. We tried to fuck with each other. I pushed you away so you could have that house with fence and basketball hoop. You never left. You tried to hide from me so I would forget you.” I reached out and touched her face. “But I could never forget you, Ana. Even if my head got all messed up, I couldn’t forget. Because you’re in my heart.” I then put my hand to her belly. “Now we’re a family. So, yeah, I don’t want kids. But I want this baby, with you. I want to watch you grow and change. I want to feel that life inside you kick, punch, twist, and turn. You think for a second you’re not beautiful and I’ll make sure you feel beautiful.”