“How did you get here?” she asked, her voice barely a whisper of raw sound as he reached across her body to give a quick pat to Soraya when she offered a soft woof of greeting.
“The Library was in a cooperative mood,” Kaiden said. His voice lowered. “I heard about what happened at Graevale. I’m sorry about Bear’s dad. And I’m sorry about Aes Daega.” His tone became a whisper as he finished, “But I’m more sorry about Niyx.”
At the mention of William, tears welled in Alex’s eyes. But when Kaiden spoke of Lady Mystique and Niyx, two people he shouldn’t know about, Alex felt like she was suffocating for air.
“Jeera told me,” Kaiden continued quietly. “She didn’t know who they were, but she was in the square at Graevale and close enough to witness your reactions to… what happened. When she offered descriptions, I knew who she meant.” He laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. “I’m so sorry, Alex.”
She turned watery eyes to him then, and in a voice that sounded fragile to her own ears, she said, “H-how do you know who they are?” She winced against the slash of pain and corrected, “Who they w-were?”
“Aes Daega I’ve met a few times through Athora. But that’s his story to share, not mine. And as for Niyx…” Kaiden trailed off and pulled something from his jacket, a piece of scrolled parchment from a Silverwood tree, handing it over.
Soraya shifted slightly as Alex slowly uncurled from her position. With a shaking hand, she took Kaiden’s offering, feeling apprehension trickle through her numbness.
“He approached me right after I returned to the academy from having those medical tests,” Kaiden said quietly. “He told me who he was to you. Your friend. Your spy. Your protector.”
Alex exhaled a shuddering breath, having been unaware that they’d ever met.
“You know that vision you had when you were in the past? The one I dreamed glimpses of?” Kaiden asked. “Niyx said he saw the whole thing, and apparently that included me being in it with you, guiding you through it all.”
Alex didn’t have it in her to feel embarrassed by Kaiden knowing the truth. They were beyond that now.
“He heard you say my name and saw that you felt safe with me,” Kaiden continued. “That was good enough for him to decide to track me down.”
Sudden realisation hit Alex from the night Niyx had said he was rooting for Kaiden when she’d never shared Kaiden’s name. He’d known about him all along—for thousands of years.
“He gave me that scroll to give to you in case anything ever happened to him.”
Another ragged breath, painful to her lungs, and her fingers tightened on the parchment.
Quietly, oh so quietly, Kaiden said, “I’ll give you a few minutes.”
And then his hand was gone from her shoulder and he was up and moving, the Library continuing to be cooperative by providing a doorway for him, leaving Alex alone with her wolf.
She didn’t want to read what was in her hand. If she read it, it might make it more real. But she also knew that if Niyx had gone to the effort of remembering Kaiden from a vision she’d had thousands of years ago and hunted him down to play messenger in the present, then she needed to at least see what was so important that he’d decided to write it down.
With shaking hands, she unrolled the delicate silvery paper.
Kitten,
One word was all Alex could manage before she had to shut her eyes, the letters burning behind her lids as she heard his voice in her mind. Kitten. Kitten. Kitten.
She choked back a sob and blocked out Soraya’s concerned whine at the realisation that she would never again hear him call her that. That she would never again hear him call her anything.
Fighting back the tears that wanted to pour forth yet again, Alex traced her fingers over the letters of his handwriting, something she had never seen before. By the time she’d followed the ‘K’ to the ‘i’ and all the way to the ‘n’ three times over, she was calm enough to try again.
Kitten,
If you’re reading this, then it’s probably because you’ve done something stupid and I’ve had to step in to save your ass. If that’s the case and I gave my life to save yours, then I need you to know I have no regrets, and I don’t want you to, either.
Protecting you has been a full-time job, one that I undertook willingly. I always knew I would die for you—
Alex had to stop again, hearing the memory of him whisper those words to her atop the mountain. She was only able to continue reading when the stabbing of her heart numbed enough that she could breathe again.
-and I can’t imagine a better way to go, or a more worthy reason to sacrifice my life.
However… I also know you’ll beat yourself up over it forever, and that is something I won’t allow you to do.
You have an extraordinary capacity to love, and you love hard, kitten. It’s what draws so many people to you, and it’s a beautiful gift that lights up the worlds of those fortunate enough to know you. Myself included.
But it also means you have an extraordinary capacity to feel the pain that comes with loss. So if you only take one thing away from this letter, let it be this: If I could do it all over again, from the moment you Claimed me, to however I meet my end, I would. A thousand times and more until eternity. Because knowing you has given me a reason to live… and a reason worthy of death.
Don’t blame yourself, kitten. I knew what I was getting into.
And now that it’s done, you need to get up and you need to keep fighting. But you also need to know that even though I’m gone, you are not alone.
Trust your friends. Trust Kyia and Zain. Trust Athora.
And trust Kaiden - he seems a good sort, and he has an impressive right hook. Trust him to look after you now that I can’t.
You saved my life when you Claimed me, kitten. And you’ve saved it every day since. It’s taken thousands of years, but thank you for finally giving me the chance to return the favour.
Eternally yours,
- Niyx.
Ps. Now stop crying and go kick some immortal ass.
A startled sob of laughter broke free from Alex amongst the tears pouring down her face at his final remark. It was so like Niyx to write such a caring letter that would tear her apart and then end it in a way to lighten her world.
It was also so like him to know exactly what she needed to hear, when she needed to hear it.
The pain of his passing was like a raw, horrible ache in her heart, but he was right. She couldn’t become paralysed by her loss. She had to keep fighting, just as she had promised him at his graveside. So with every tear she cried, each one soaking the parchment as she read it over and over, she began to let him go, little by little.
By the time Kaiden returned and sat beside her, pulling her into his arms while she cried loud, gut-wrenching tears into his chest, her numbness started fading as heat returned to her body and a steely determination took hold of her bones.