Now there’s a two-headed robot chick I know named Lurksa up on the anti-grav stage, which is designed to look like a giant lotus petal floating in midair. The spotlight’s on Lurksa, and one of her silver heads is crooning her Mating Song in this real sultry voice. Her other head is leaning way out into the audience and whispering things into those robot fellas’ earholes.
She’s pulling a classic Crown Bait. Where the dragonette gets up and belts out her Mating Song or demonstrates some special juicy skill or whips her tail around and sprays pheromones in hopes that a cybernetic dragon dude in the audience will be struck by a bolt of desire and want to make an EggHarvest connection. It’s like a talent show where the punishment for losing is you become a slave.
What was I thinking? These bastards will eat me alive.
So I squat on trembling haunches and look around the room for Fribby.
Now the Lava Lounge is this swank spot where the Dragodroids like to kick up their toe claws. It’s also extremely controversial. Because this is where you’ll find the MortalMachine cadets whose WILL TO POWER rank is MegaBeast or higher.
We’re talking the hyper-elite Datalizards. And as I glance around right now I count at least ten mega Reptilizoids who definitely rank in the upper tier of Seek&Destroy. I mean the entire place just reeks of TURBO FIEND.
And earlier this semester when the Lava Lounge first opened, a club called the Robophobes stormed the place and started blasting it with firestreams, trying to burn it to the ground.
There were like twenty of those fiends and they were chanting, “No Robo! Robo got to go! No Robo! Robo got to go!”
But then this one big nasty metal Dragobot named Ogg just waded in and unleashed on those scoundrels. Now Ogg is famous here on campus because he’s the first A.I. to play on the WarWings varsity Slave-Catching team. He’s also one of their star players. Anyway, so Ogg snapped each of those Robophobes’ long green necks like they were twigs. And then that night at the Lava Lounge they were handing out free Normal dragon fillets on the house.
So these days there isn’t a DataHater at WarWings who’d dream of stepping webbed-footed into this place. The vibe here is extremely fiendish and deranged, but also relaxed. Shoot, looking around the Lava Lounge right now, you’d think the robot uprising had already happened and now the Datalizards were running the show. The only thing missing is some green Normal dragon heads mounted on the wall.
Fribby’s got to be around here somewhere.
“Get your ugly green ass outta my face, Normal!”
I start walking.
That’s it. Just head for the back. She’s got to be back there.
Other than the spotlight on Lurksa, the lights in the lounge are low. And because it’s Crown Day you can see a half-dozen Dragodroids down on one knee, offering their crown to some chick.
Out of the corner of my eye I see a Datalizard open her silver beak and blast a mega firestream into this Dragodroid that’s down on one knee and he doesn’t stop screaming until he’s melted into a pool of silver on the floor. Guess her answer was no.
The Datalizards hiss and snarl as I pass their tables.
“Looking for some robot nookie, Normal?”
“Once you go chrome, you won’t never go home.”
Keep moving. Pretend like you don’t hear them.
Come on, Fribby. Where are you?
Now I squeeze by this one mammoth cybernetic chick who points a silver claw at me. “Dang, look at Snacklicious there. Don’t pay any attention to these fools. Shoot, why you do look delicious. Why don’tcha come set with me a spell and get some of this funky machine love?”
Then her eyes start glowing bright red.
Well I suddenly feel light-headed, and so start to hurry and stumble toward the back. I trip over something and look down and see a couple of miniature Dragobot cadets glaring up at me. These fellas can’t be no bigger than three feet tall, and one of them’s rubbing his silver head like I just kicked him or something.
“Your kind ain’t welcome!” squeals one of the little Dragobots.
“Grow some circuits!” squeals the other.
Then these two fellas start cracking up and snorting firebolts.
And that’s when I feel a powerful metal talon snatch me up by the wingjoint and plunk my scaly ass down at a table in the back of the lounge.
“Did you see Trenx and his new horns?” says Fribby, a little smile on her beak. “Crazy, right?”
She flaps her silver wings and snorts blacksmoke.
“Yeah, those things were pretty boss,” I say. “Still can’t believe Dr. Terrible hooked him up with those horns and not me, his own scales and blood.”
“I thought he looked like a fool. Those new horns make him look gaudy. Like he’s trying to compensate for something.” She points to the shot of roiling lava sitting in front of me on the table. “That’s for you. It’ll help calm your nerves. You sure look like you could use it.”
“I thought all you chicks dig dudes with big horns. I hate my damn horns,” I say, flapping my wings. “They’re so small. Did you know Dr. Terrible wants to adopt Trenx and make him his son?”
I pick up the shot of lava and toss it down my beak. Little sparklers of delicious color explode at the top of my spine and then blast out over my nerve endings, causing me to shiver. I notice one of the robots at a nearby table staring at me. I grin at the fella and belch up a big cloud of blacksmoke.
“Well you’re not gonna win Conqueror of the Year with those horns,” she says, squinting at my head. “But I like your horns. They look like little buttons. Sometimes I just want to reach out and press them. They’re cute.”
She picks up her roiling lava shot and tosses it down.
“Mmmmmm.” Her red glowing eyes go a little glassy.
“You’re just saying that ’cause you feel sorry for me,” I say.
“You wish. When I see something pathetic, I’m not programmed to pity it. I’m programmed to laugh at it.”
“I want my horns to look scary. Instead my horns make me look like a big fat wussy.”
“Who says?”
“Me says.”
“Me’s a fool. Don’t pay him no mind. Who else?”
Fribby belches up a big cloud of blacksmoke.
“Dr. Terrible,” I say. Out of habit, I reach up and touch my horns.
“Forget that crusty bastard,” she says.
“That’s easy for you to say. You’re a MegaBeast,” I say. “What about this big stupid heart of mine? And the crying? And the fainting? Fribby, I’m a mess.”
“It takes courage to be so real. You’re not like these other fools running around here. You’re different.”
“Because I’m such a loser?” I say.
“Because you’re different.”
“Different is just another name for loser.”
“Answer me one question.”
“Shoot.”
“Are we dead?” she says.
“Heck no, we’re not dead, chick.”
“Have you ever been dead before?” she says.
“No, I’ve never been dead before. Not in the way you’re talking about.”
“Then how would you know if we were dead or not?” she says.
She leans in and gazes at me with this curious smile on her silver beak. Framed against the oozing lava on the wall behind her, she looks pretty.
“Because my big stupid heart won’t shut up,” I say.
“Is that why you’re going around starting fights with Mutants?”
“That freak didn’t have a head,” I say. “Besides, he started it.”