Continuing to do him favors and merely existing in his orbit won’t allow me to get close. If I don’t do something about the broken limbo we’re in, I’ll never be anything more to him.
I tuck a stray silver strand of hair behind my ear, feeling refreshed now that I don’t have the annoying wig on. “What do you plan to do next?”
He leans forward against the wheel, wearing a charming yet sadistic smile. “What else can I plan aside from trouble?”
“Can I join?”
“No. It’s dangerous.” He grins. “Uncle Xan will chase me with his grandfather’s famous shotgun and paint a hole where my head used to be if I’m the reason his precious daughter is put in harm’s way.”
“Don’t worry about Papa.”
“Have you seen your papa lately? He’s been sending us daily reminders that if something happens to you, we’ll all pay. In blood. I kind of need that inside my body, not outside it.”
I wince.
I love my father to death, and some would argue that I’m Daddy’s little girl—or I was before my life took a sharp dive to hell. Before he put his trust in me and I betrayed it in the worst way possible.
At any rate, Papa is overprotective and I get that, but he doesn’t have to be this extra.
“Anyway, you did so well that the MI6 would be a good fit if you ever considered a career change.” He throws his head back against the seat, looking like he’s straight out of a painting—no, like a statue. “Now, you just sit back and watch the Heathens burn.”
I don’t care about that.
My disregard for TKU is mostly on the academic level, because I apparently disrespected a member of their American football club by telling him ‘no, thank you’ when he asked me to dance at a pub. Ever since then, he and his minions keep stealing my textbooks and being a thorn in my side.
That hasn’t happened much lately, though, so they probably lost interest. Other than that, I don’t focus on their clubs or activities.
“I can be useful,” I argue with Lan.
“You were more than useful, you were the best.” He pats my hair again. “But we both know you’re a dainty princess and would break like delicate china at the first hint of the hardcore stuff, so let me take care of this, okay, love?”
The feeling of being metaphorically slapped causes my skin to throb and tingle.
Any words I had to say get stuck at the back of my throat, refusing to be said out loud.
I’ve never been good at expressing myself—I’m a listener, not a talker. At least, when it comes to things that concern me.
I curse myself for that trait as I step out of Landon’s car and hear him rev the engine. In a super expert move, he reverses in a perfect circle before he shoots into the street like a bullet.
For a second, I remain there, hugging my arms and letting the chill of the sea seep beneath my bones. The sound of the crashing waves slams into the warring thoughts in my head.
All of them start and end with the things I should’ve said but didn’t.
With the way I’m built, I’m probably never going to be able to say them out loud.
My only choice is to show him instead.
I have to show Landon that I’m not a delicate princess and that I can and will take the hardcore stuff.
If it’s him, I can let him see this part of me.
Slipping into my car, I close the door and lock it before I open the browser on my phone.
It’s on the homepage of the kinky sex club Landon is a member of.
Not even Glyn knows this fact about her brother. I only found out through his cousin and my childhood friend, Creighton.
He told me about it, including the kinks Landon is into, so I’d see what type of defective person the guy I’m crushing on is.
Creigh was looking out for me because he believed I’d only end up getting hurt.
Thing is, Creigh has no idea that I’m equally defective.
Which is probably why I’ve been hung up on Landon since secondary school.
It’s not only because of that conversation I had with him back then; it’s also because I found out he’s into the same kink as me.
I have read through the site and its rules. There are attendance kink activities where they pair subs with Doms, but there are also other activities that can happen off-site.
One of which is a kink Landon takes part in all the time, according to Creigh.
In fact, he’s the club’s ace in this particular kink, and many new members have joined because of him.
Primal play.
Aka consensual non-consent.
It’s been on my mind ever since I first heard about it from Creighton about two weeks ago.
I’ve imagined all the ways Landon chases those women before he fucks them ruthlessly.
How he ravages them with their consent, and how elating it must be for them.
I realize how demented it sounds to consider something like that elating. But rape fantasy is a very common kink, especially with women who want to feel free in some way.
Any way.
Even if it’s in fantasy only.
It’s not about power play. It’s about giving up control and gaining the power to have the ability to stop something so monstrous with a word.
It’s a fine line, which is why this kink shouldn’t be done with a stranger or an arbitrary person.
I don’t know how the girls in this club do it, but I know I wouldn’t be able to if it wasn’t Lan.
I trust him.
Which is why I’m willing to show him this part of me.
Like earlier, every time I’ve attempted to talk, to express what’s inside me, words fail me, so action is all I have left. This means putting myself in a vulnerable position as I did during that nightmare, but it’s different now. Lan isn’t that scum.
Lan wouldn’t use my trust against me.
I type in my login with steady fingers.
So, yes, I created an account soon after I heard about this from Creighton and paid the membership fees. But I didn’t attend or pick an event.
I did go there once because they had to confirm my identity and age in person, and I kind of bolted out of the club wearing a blazer and a hat once the process was done.
Are you ready to unleash your kink, Featherless03? appears as soon as I’m logged in.
I click on Yes and then I’m presented with a list of kinks and fetishes the club could arrange.
Some of them are completely new to me and I researched each and every one of them the last time I opened the app. Let’s just say I’m slightly traumatized by some.
Like I’m sure others would be if they were to see me click Primal Play.
I agree with the disclaimers that say I should know this type of kink is one of the most sensitive and to read more about it in the link they’ve attached.
I visited that link another time, but it was nothing compared to all the reading I’ve been doing about the topic since I started noticing how different I am.
Thank you for your interest in ‘Primal Play’. Reminder, all our members submit clean STD tests periodically, but we suggest using a condom during any act. Your sexual safety matters.
That makes sense. I did select that I’m on birth control when I signed up the first time, so they already know that. After I click on ‘I understand’, I’m directed to the following page.