Lan only wants the bizarre experiences, the things that are frowned upon by society, the kinks that most people are afraid to try.
It’s like he’s challenging himself to go further and further.
Until he’s out of reach.
It’s downright paraphilia at times. Sexual deviation and attraction to atypical individuals, situations, objects, and behaviors.
The type most serial killers have.
It’s funny how these types of posts used to tug at my heart, but now, I just smile and like his picture. I guess it means I’m emotionally mature enough to understand him better.
I don’t even mind the thousands of thirsty comments from girls—and boys—volunteering to be his object of perversion.
They probably wouldn’t feel the same if he actually acted on his kinks. Plural. I know I wouldn’t let him tie me up me in a room and let random strangers watch.
I always thought we were sexually compatible, but maybe that was just vain hope.
I scroll through to read the comments from the friends we have in common.
lord-remington-astor: Picture was taken by yours truly. No need to thank me, ladies.
eli-king: No tongue?
ariella-jailbait-nash: heart eyes
the-ava-nash: What the hell are you doing here, Ari? You’re only 16. Get out of 18+ space!
ariella-jailbait-nash: No.
annika-volkov: So beautiful.
glyndon-king: The statue heart eyes
brandon-king: Poor statue.
I comment beneath them.
cecily-knight: hearts emoji
I’m about to scroll some more, but a commotion in the flat steals my attention.
Since I’m not studying anyway, I roll out of my chair, do some stretches, and then smooth my fluffy pajamas.
Definitely not something I’d buy myself. Although I’m all for anything comfy and casual. This was a gift from Ava, and I wear them because the shirt has the quote Nerd? I prefer intellectually superior.
As soon as I open my door, I’m slammed with endless noise and chatter.
No surprise, Remi has decided to invade our space just because he’s bored and probably has no shags scheduled for tonight. As usual, Creighton and Bran are with him.
He waltzes into our living room carrying bottles of beer and starts to kick, push, and rearrange our furniture.
“Stop doing that!” Ava runs toward him and effortlessly tries to put an end to his chaos. “This is our space!”
“I’m not hearing you over my lordship’s creative ideas.” He tells Creighton to help him, which he does without a word.
When he reaches the sofa on which Annika sits like a doll, slurping from her purple cup and glittery straw, he fixates her with a stare.
That’s enough to have her stand up and head to Ava’s side.
Remi, who’s having his way as usual, grins, opens a bottle of beer, and gives one to Bran. “Cheers, mate!”
Bran clicks Remi’s bottle with his and sits on the floor cross-legged. Even though he’s Lan’s identical twin brother, the similarities stop there. Bran is more silent, nicer, kinder, and definitely isn’t up to trouble all the time. He’s a bit like me, but I think he runs deeper than any of us know.
He’s hanging out with us mainly because Remi dragged him along.
Remi always bugs him and Creigh to join his endeavours, part because he’s annoying and part because he knows we wouldn’t actually kick them out.
“The house is so silent,” the prick muses, running his gaze over the place.
“I’m right here, dick.” Ava glares down her nose at him but still snatches a bottle of beer.
“Not you, peasant.” He sniffs the air. “I can smell that other crazy cougar, so she must be around here. Unless she actually died in one of her books and her ghost is doing stretches to haunt us.”
“The only one I’ll haunt is you, Remi.” I stroll from my room and join them.
The other guys nod at me and I nod back. Ava, however, side-hugs me. “Rems invaded our flat and ruined our pretty decorations.”
He gives an evil laugh. “You don’t stand a chance in front of my genius plans.”
“More like foolish,” I mutter.
“Don’t be jealous, Ces.”
“Of what exactly?”
“My dashing looks, for one.” He forms an L at his chin and touches his nose to show just how straight it is. “I’m open to giving you lessons in charisma if you get on your knees and call me your master.”
“In your dreams.”
“In my dreams, you’re not a prude slash nerd.”
“Now, who’s the jealous one?”
“Of your nonexistent sex life.” He pretends to yawn. “Wake me up when this one starts to say the word cock. Sorry, I mean penis.”
“You little—” I pause when I feel Ava’s body vibrating against mine. “Are you laughing?”
“No, I swear.” She does a shit job at hiding her laughter. “I’m done.”
“Something Cecy will never say in this lifetime,” Remi muses.
Ava snorts and bursts out laughing.
“I’m going to kill you,” I tell him, then glare at Ava. “And you just lost bestie privileges.”
“No, Cecy.” She hugs me tighter. “Don’t leave me. And shut up, Rems, seriously. Leave her alone. We need a prude in our ranks like we need a manwhore, aka you.”
Remi laughs. “Joke’s on you because that’s a compliment!”
“Was that supposed to make me feel better?” I ask Ava while wearing my poker face.
She merely grins and hugs me again. “You can die celibate and we’ll still love you.”
Rolling my eyes, I push her away and head toward Anni, who’s not so subtly watching Creighton while toying with her straw.
When I sit beside her, she smiles and offers me some snacks.
Remi chooses to put Ava under fire, obviously bored with the old rehearsed topic of my alleged prudeness.
You’re not a prude if you like primal play.
I slowly close my eyes to chase away Jeremy’s voice. Just why on earth do I keep thinking of him when I’m supposed to be focusing that energy on starting anew with Lan?
Though is that what I truly want?
“I missed being here with you guys.” Anni sighs.
Right. She was often forced to stay in her brother’s mansion upon his order and there was nothing she could do about it.
“Can’t you tell him no?” I swallow. “Jeremy, I mean.”
“Tell Jer no?” She laughs awkwardly. “Have you seen him?”
I have.
Countless times.
And I hate it.
Because even when he’s not there, I find myself searching for his shadow in the darkness, behind the trees.
Everywhere.
“I did get some of my freedom back, so silver lining!” She smiles.
“Has he…always been controlling like this?” I realize that I’m digging where I’m not supposed to, but I can’t help it.
Maybe if I continue painting him as the devil, I’ll find the will to move past him.
Anni releases the straw and stares up. “For as long as I’ve been alive? He’s six years older than me, so ever since I was born, it’s felt as if I’ve had a guard from hell. No, a guardian angel.”
“Those are entirely different.”
“I hate when he confiscates my freedom, but I know he’s doing it because he cares about my safety. We…were born into a cruel world, and Jeremy suffered in it more than I did, so I guess he takes security very seriously and I love him as a brother. I just don’t like him as Papa’s heir sometimes.”
I rub the side of my nose.