But we need him in our lives, cold-bloodedness and manipulativeness included.
Yes, he can be a monster, but he usually chooses not to at home. It’s a mature choice he made a long time ago after the fights stopped, and one he’ll continue to make.
But even if he doesn’t, we’ll deal with it when it comes.
One thing’s for certain, Killian will always be my son.
I’ll never forget the tears in Reina’s eyes when she held him in her arms for the first time. “Look at him, our baby is so beautiful, Ash.”
“He is.”
“He would’ve been more beautiful if he was a girl, but oh well, we can always try again.” She kissed his forehead. “I love you to bits, baby.”
“Can he play football with me, Daddy?” Gareth asked me while he craned his neck to see his brother.
“Sure thing. We can teach him.”
“Yes!” He kissed his brother on the cheek. “I’m gonna teach you all the things.”
That moment seems like it happened yesterday. I think the reason it’s coming back to me now is because this scene is creepily similar to it.
It’s been such a long time since the four of us have felt like a connected family. Killian always, without doubt, ruined it.
He was acting out, I now realize, demanding the attention he thought he was due.
At this moment, he doesn’t seem like he feels the need to.
“Now”—Reina pulls back—“did you say Glyn left?”
Seeming to have recalled the reason he’s been behaving like a beast in the middle of the night, Killian clenches his jaw and nods.
“It wasn’t me,” Gareth says, softer this time. “If I’d wanted to do that, I would’ve done it back at campus, not here.”
My wife strokes Killian’s arm. “Was she mad at you?”
“Very.”
“If you apologize, she might listen.”
“I don’t think an apology would cut it. She…” He trails off, then lowers his head. “She looked both scared and disgusted with me. She’s never looked at me that way before and I don’t know how to fix it.”
“First things first, don’t be yourself. It’d do more harm than good,” Gareth tells him and Killian flips him off.
“On the contrary,” I say. “Be yourself. If she can’t deal with you at your worst, then you’ll eventually suffocate her and she’ll hate you. And you’ll probably hate her, too, and it’ll turn into a vicious cycle.”
“If you truly care about her, then pursue her, Kill,” Reina supplies.
“You think?”
“I’m sure. How do you think your father got me? He just refused to leave me alone and I had to settle.” She sighs, eyes filled with glimmering emotions. “It helped that I’d loved him since I was a teen, though.”
I’ve been married to this woman for over twenty-five years, and she still makes me fall for her harder every day.
Every single moment.
She’s not the reason behind my happiness—she’s the definition of the word.
Killian marches to Gareth and wraps an arm around his shoulder. “We’re going back to campus.”
“Why would I come along?”
“You need to show me all the archives of that night. I have a theory.”
“Can’t it wait till the morning?”
“Why would it?”
“Why would it not?”
After some arguments, they finally agree to head back. They even wake my father up in the middle of the night so they can borrow his private jet.
After they change, Reina and I walk them to the entrance. She hugs them together, then one at a time while smoothing invisible wrinkles from their clothes.
“But I still didn’t get my fill of you, boys.”
“We’ll come back, Mom.” Gareth grabs Killian in a chokehold. “I’ll make sure to bring this idiot, too.”
“Who are you calling an idiot, wanna die?” Kill tries to get out of his hold and fails.
Gareth only releases him when he hugs me goodbye. “See you, Dad.”
“See you, son.”
Killian is about to turn and leave, but I grab his shoulders and for the first time since he was a kid, I wrap my arms around him and bring him close.
It takes him a moment before he stiffly pats my back. It’ll take him some time, but he’ll get there.
“Stay out of trouble, son.”
He grins as we break apart. “How else will you ask about me?” I narrow my eyes and he laughs. “That was a joke.”
Then they get in the backseat of the car so my chauffeur can drive them to the airport.
Reina and I remain at the door long after they’re gone, arms wrapped around each other as she sniffles.
“Why do they grow up so fast?” she grumbles but then sighs and smiles up at me. “Silver lining, I’m so glad we had that conversation tonight as painful as it was.”
“Me, too.”
She strokes my cheek, her touch soft, loving, and the only thing I need. “I know it must’ve triggered that horrible trauma, but I’m so glad you could look past it and talk to Kill. I’m so proud of you.”
I can die a happy man if my wife is proud of me. No questions asked.
“I love you, Ash.”
“I love you, too, prom queen.” I tug her closer. “Do you think he’ll be able to get Glyndon back?”
“Oh, I’m sure he will. He looks at her the way you look at me.”
I raise an eyebrow. “And how do I look at you?”
“Like you’ll destroy the world as long as I remain safe.”
“It’s true. Now, tell me, what did you whisper to Kill earlier?”
She smiles as she stares in the distance. “That we love him no matter how different he is.”
37
GLYNDON
I’m the worst sneak alive.
But when I arrive at our family’s mansion at night, I manage to slip inside without waking anyone.
It helps that I know the security code.
What doesn’t help, however, is the lights that keep going on automatically whenever I move.
Jeez.
However, I manage to steal a tub of ice cream and hide behind the table in the ballroom.
This small nook is as safe as it can get. It reminds me of when I was running around in Grandpa’s house as a kid, how he carried me on his shoulders, told me stories, and taught me chess.
The light stays on, but it’ll be off in about a minute.
Opening the ice cream, cherries and chocolate, my favorite—because I’m the only one who eats it around here—I stuff my mouth with two spoonfuls that hurt my teeth.
But I do it again.
And again.
Tears start to gather in my eyes, but I refuse to let them out. I cried on and off on the flight back home until my head hurt and the flight attendant looked at me as if I were a freak. I stayed in the airport for a few hours to gather my bearings.
I’ve never flown on my own, but I didn’t even think about aviation disasters when I was tending to my broken heart.
And that might have made me cry harder, recalling just how Killian made me comfortable, held me, didn’t even try to satisfy his libido as always. He was just there for me platonically.
Then he crushed me to pieces.
Though, from what I saw in the video, the crashing happened before I even met him.
He was always meant to break my heart, leave me hollow, and confiscate my everything.