My core clenches at the mention of that word and I resist the urge to clear my throat. “So? Do you want to kill?”
“More than anything. Taking someone’s life, feeling as their last breaths turn to nothingness, then cutting them up to see inside them, is the only thing I’ve desired since I was about seven.”
His quietly spoken words shock me to the core and it must show on my face, because his eyes darken.
“See? You’re disgusted.”
“No,” I blurt.
“Don’t fucking lie to me, Glyndon.” His voice lowers to a frightening range. “You look like you’re on the verge of a panic attack.”
“Well, I’m sorry I didn’t give the reaction you wanted. I don’t get told something like this every day.” I inhale deeply, then exhale, forcing myself to relax.
“Then run, rabbit.” He starts to release me, sounding blank, bored, but I know it’s nothing more than the camouflage for his rage. “Don’t let me catch you this time, because I swear to fuck, a punishment is an understatement of what I’ll do to you.”
“I won’t.”
He pauses. “What did you just say?”
“I said I won’t run.” I grab his hand and put it back around my middle, slowly regulating my breathing. “You were saying?”
“What the fuck are you doing?”
“Listening to you. I want to know more about why you feel the need to kill.”
“It’s in my nature. There’s nothing to explain about it.” He strokes the skin between my top and shorts, sending shivers down my spine as he appears a little stunned.
I love having this effect on him.
“Why haven’t you then? You must’ve had countless chances, especially with mafia friends.”
“The bloodlust muddies my head, and I’d have little impulse control. I refuse to be a slave to my urges, to be ruled by them, and to develop a bad habit of satisfying them. Eventually, I’ll lose control and get locked up for it, and that’s just not going to happen. So I repress as much as I can.”
“Isn’t that…painful?”
“Hmm. Interesting choice of words. I would’ve sworn you’d be relieved to hear that I repress my urges.”
“Not if you’re in pain.”
He grins. “Look at my little rabbit developing feelings for me.”
“Shut up, I’m just empathizing. Something you don’t know the meaning of.”
“Tomayto, tomahto.” He’s still grinning. “As for the pain, it’s much better than the pain of losing control. That one is irrevocable, this one is manageable.”
“How often do you think about killing?”
“Per day, twenty-four times. Sometimes more in certain irritating situations. Lately, it’s less.”
I don’t dwell on being shocked by the high number, because there’s something more important.
They can lessen.
“How did the number decrease?”
“With your presence.”
“W-what?”
He slides the other hand around my throat and pulls me over so his forehead rests against mine and I can see the contours of his lips and the sharp lines of his jaw.
Killian breathes me in, slowly. “You make the demons go away, even temporarily.”
“How?”
“Beats me. Whatever it is you’re doing, keep doing it. I like how quiet it is up here.” He taps the side of his head.
I’m so incredulous and touched that I feel moisture gathering in my eyes. “Don’t I make you repress more because I’m different than you are?”
“On the contrary, you bring silence. Long fucking silence.”
“Does that mean I’m one of a kind?” I joke.
“You think I’d spend this much time and effort on an infuriating little rabbit like you if that weren’t the case?”
“Wow. Charming.”
“I know, thanks.”
I roll my eyes but don’t resist the urge to smile.
“I told you to stop doing that.”
“No, dictator.”
He grunts. “You and that fucking no word. I swear I’m going to fuck it out of your system one of these days.”
“You can try.” I pause then clear my throat. “So, I have a hypothetical question.”
“Don’t ask it.”
“Come on. I’m curious.”
“Shoot.”
“If one day, I choose someone else over you, will you let me go?”
“I’d slice their throat, make you watch then claim you in their blood.”
A shiver runs through me. “What happened to repressing?”
“Not in that hypothetical situation.” His voice darkens. “Were you contemplating turning it to reality, baby? Hmm? Think that will get me off your case?”
“No, I mean, Cherry said if I choose someone else you’ll never touch me again.”
“That applies to everyone else but you. Listen carefully, baby. I’ll never let you go.”
A shudder goes through me, but instead of fear, the feeling that invades me is so similar to relief.
A splash of water soaks us and I gasp, pushing away from Killian.
“I say, you two either get a fucking room or get in here!” Nikolai, the culprit, shouts.
“Be right back, baby. Give me five minutes to kill the fucker.” Killian removes his wet shirt and jumps into the pool, and I laugh as he wrestles with his cousin in the water, with Jeremy and Gareth trying to break up the fight.
My phone vibrates and I think it’s Cecily since I promised to go shopping with her.
Instead, I find a text.
Unknown Number: Careful who you fraternize with, bitch.
28
KILLIAN
“Sleep tight and have an erotic dream where I’m eating your tight little pussy for dinner, baby.” I peek through my car window. “Or filling it with my cum. Either would do.”
Glyndon comes to a halt and searches our surroundings for possible eavesdroppers, then glares at me.
I love it when she glares. It’s my Glyndon’s love language.
And because I love it, I push, “Unless you changed your mind and would rather spend the night in my bed, which is five stars, highly recommended?”
“Dream on.”
“I told you my dreams are much darker and kinkier than reality. So if you’re down to explore more of your sexuality, I’m game.”
She spins around and faces me. Her cheeks are red and her honey-colored hair flies in the wind. Now, I don’t know what angels look like and probably never will—thank fuck I have a designated place in hell—but she’s the closest thing to an angel I’ve ever seen.
My own angel.
Glyndon stares at me with the crookedness of an amateur detective. “Did you do that a lot? Explore your sexuality, I mean?”
“Why are you asking?”
“I’m just curious.”
“If you mean did I go to sex clubs and try kinks, then yeah, I did.”
She steps closer like a curious kitten. “What did you try?”
“Ropes, chains, canes, gags, bondage, breath play, knife play, impact play, D/s, S/M, objectification, electrostimulation—you name it.”
Her lips part and I wave. “Hello? Earth to my little rabbit.”
“Wow,” she finally breathes out. “I don’t even know what half of those mean.”
“Which ones? I’ll happily explain.”
“No, thanks. You’ll probably end up trying them on me.”
“Not if you’re not interested.”
“Are you serious?”