For a moment, everything narrowed down to her large, entreating eyes, her beautiful, soft mouth, and the roar of his heart in his ears. She isn’t going to run again.
“I don’t want that, either,” he admitted, steeling himself. “But it’s not Kehoe’s choice anymore. It’s yours.”
“I know that. Now. That’s why I’m here. I’m sorry I left. I was just so confused. And I’m sorry that I said I didn’t trust you. I’m sorry I didn’t trust in us. I shouldn’t let people like Sissy or Kehoe rule me, to believe that everything is potentially bad or ugly. Or wrong.” She met his stare, clearly undone by the strength of her emotions. “Because you’re beautiful to me, and it was wrong. It was so wrong of me to turn away from something so right because I was afraid—”
“Alice,” he interrupted, wincing. Screw caution. He started to breech the distance between them.
“No, no let me finish,” she said, sounding almost panicked. She impatiently wiped a single tear from her cheek. It was as if now that the dam had broken on her hesitancy, she was determined to get everything out in a rush. She swallowed thickly and met his stare.
“Remember how I told you that after I had that dream about Alan and me, and how I was running to dinner and he was right behind me? Such a common, mundane memory, and yet when he spoke to me, there was so much love.” Another tear spilled down her cheek. “Or when I had that memory of playing hide-and-seek with Lynn, there was no fear. Nearly every second of my life must have been filled with happiness and trust and love.
“And then when I was here with you, I would think: How am I supposed to ever come to terms with the idea that I once was Addie Durand? I’m so different from her. I don’t trust. I don’t hope beyond the ordinary,” she said shakily, touching her breast. “And everything about you, everything about us, was so extraordinary.”
“Baby,” he muttered gruffly. Her struggle had become unbearable to witness.
“No, it’s okay,” she assured, her face turning luminous. Tears brimmed in her eyes now. “Because that’s when I realized.”
“What?”
“That every night I spent with you, every hour, every minute . . . Addie must have been with me. Because the truth is, I’ve never been so trusting. I’ve never felt so loved, than when I was with you. And you realized that all along, didn’t you? See . . .” She took a step toward him, her expression eager, like she was wild to make him understand. He felt like his heart was breaking a little, seeing her in that moment, bearing witness to her strength and her courage. “With Lynn and with Alan—with my mother and father—I only had those tiny glimpses of what it was like. But with you, I feel it all the time. Addie could trust, so I can. Do you see? Despite everything. Despite Kehoe, and Cunningham and Stout, despite being ripped away from my family and all of this—” She gestured around the stables. “Despite all the years with Sissy, it’s not too late,” she said, reaching out and placing her hand on his chest.
He winced in pleasure at her simple touch. “If you don’t think it is, I mean,” she added after a moment, studying his face anxiously. “I’m sorry that I hurt you by leaving. I wish I could make you understand, Dylan.”
He reached and grabbed her hand. He pressed his mouth to the back of it. “I understand better than you think,” he said. “I knew you trusted, and I knew at the same time you doubted that trust.”
“I don’t doubt anymore,” she whispered, stepping closer. “That’s why I came.”
He touched her cheek, amazed all over again at how soft she was. How precious. For all those years, he’d sought her, and yet he’d really had no idea just how precious she was. He cradled her jaw.
“The ability to trust is granted only to those who are well loved,” he said gruffly. “That’s why I always said you should trust me. Because I don’t think anyone could be loved as much as I love you.”
He swooped down to capture his name on her tongue. Her taste and texture flooded him. So sweet. So familiar.
Ever new.
Without thinking, reacting purely on instinct, he lifted her in his arms and headed toward the closed office door.
*
SHE’D started to get used to it before being with Dylan; so many layered, complex, and yet inexplicable feelings mingled with single-minded sexual need. Now as she experienced it again in that moment in the stables, Alice was able to put a name to what had happened to her . . . what still was. It was love and a deep, enduring connection, a bond that was too mysterious to dissect.