Of course I’ve been a fool and unworthy of an excellent man’s unwavering, passionate love. To say this is stating the weary obvious. They say that people sacrifice everything for the sake of romantic love, but I sacrificed everything in the name of one selfish, heartless goal: to call myself a mother. To give Alan a child. God answered my prayers and gave me a beautiful baby. But he’s making me pay for my sacrifice—he’s making me pay for my cruelty and unfaithfulness to Alan—by putting the two things I hold dearest in harm’s way: my marriage and Addie.
I put myself in league with the devil. Isn’t that what the devil is famous for? He knows your secret desire, and he does whatever he can to give it to you. At a price. He played the part so well. I thought he shared my dreams, and that’s powerful stuff to a woman who imagines herself doomed to a barren life.
Sometimes I’m afraid Alan knows about my infidelity. Worse, sometimes I’m afraid he knows, and not only understands, but accepts because of his medical issues and our trouble conceiving. He knows better than anyone how I’ve suffered. That he would forgive me in this is the sharpest and deepest of my pains.
But Alan doesn’t really know, thank God. That’s just my guilt surfacing and haunting me.
As it should.
Dylan felt sick, like he’d just taken a punch to the chest that reverberated through his heart, gut, and brain.
He’d insisted Alice go for the genetic testing. He’d never even thought to consider what would happen if he’d dangled this story in front of her about whom Addie Durand was—about who Alice was—and it all turned out to be wrong. If it all turned out to be a lie.
He walked out of the room feeling dazed. In his bedroom suite, he found a pair of glasses. He turned on the lamp in the sitting area and sat down on the couch. He put on his glasses and turned his full attention back to the journals.
He made sure he arranged them in the proper chronological order. The journals ranged from the year before Addie was born to three years after the fact. These were the entries that Lynn had chosen, the ones she’d felt compelled to leave behind in one of the secret places she’d shared with her daughter.
These were the shameful confessions of a heartbroken woman. Like everyone else, Dylan had believed that Addie’s kidnapping and suspected death were what had driven Lynn to end her own life. Dylan was just beginning to realize that the secrets he held in his hands right now had been an even more precise, cruel prod to her suicide.
He still had several hours before he was due down at the camp to meet Alice. With a grim sense of purpose, he began to read, doing his best to ignore the dread that weighed on him, heavier and heavier by the minute.
*
“WHAT?” Alice asked, grinning widely when Dave Epstein approached her, carrying two cases of soda. The DJ had started and a raucous rap boomed, making conversation nearly impossible. Kids were dancing on the sand, swimming, exchanging camp books, and posing for pictures. Almost everyone who wasn’t in a swimsuit wore his or her new Camp Durand T-shirt, including Alice.
“Mira took a call for you up at the kitchen. She knew I was headed this way, so she gave me the message.”
“What?” she repeated when Dave handed her a folded piece of paper. She’d understood Dave’s shout this time, but was still bewildered by the actual message. Mira was the camp cook. Why was she taking messages for Alice?
“Hold on,” Dave said, rolling his eyes. He went and deposited the two cases of soda on a serving table in front of Kuvi. Kuvi was bopping around to the music, but gave Dave an appreciative wave before she started to load the sodas into a huge tin receptacle filled with ice. While he was gone, Alice read the message in the light of the brilliant sunset.
To Alice Reed,
Mr. Fall phoned the kitchen. Apparently, he knew you’d be on the beach and hard to contact, so he called here. He’s received some news, and wants you to come up to the castle immediately. He said not to worry, it’s not an emergency, but it is important. He suggested you take the main road, and come now, while it’s still light. He also said to make sure Sal Rigo accompanied you, and that he’d be waiting for you in his den.
Mira
Alice blinked in amazement. This was strange. She saw Dave reapproaching. Kuvi had handed him a Camp Durand T-shirt. He’d pulled off his old one and was shrugging on the new one as he approached her. The T-shirts were black with a neon green design and print. Alice suspected the shirts would glow in the dark.
“Mira gave this to you?” she yelled when Dave got close enough.
“Yeah. No way anyone could hear a phone out here. Did I hear Mira right? Was it Dylan Fall calling?” Alice could tell that by his incredulous expression that Kuvi hadn’t betrayed her secret to Dave, even though she suspected Kuvi and Dave were growing closer and closer. “Was Fall contacting you about some kind of emergency? I thought I heard Mira say he needed to see you. Is everything okay?” he asked, nodding at the note she clutched.
“It’s about something from home,” she lied, thinking intently.
“Nothing serious, is it?” Dave bellowed.
“I’m sure it isn’t,” Alice replied, smiling gamely for reassurance. She glanced around the beach, looking for Sal Rigo.
*