“I’m not afraid,” Lynet said, the words tumbling out before she could stop them. “I’ll do it. I’ll talk to him.”
Mina wrapped her arms around Lynet and pulled her close. Lynet found being ensconced in Mina’s furs almost unbearably warm, but she clung to her stepmother, searching for comfort even as she tried to give it. After all those years of trying not to hear Mina and her father fighting and trying not to notice the way the Pigeons talked about her, only now did Lynet allow herself to acknowledge that perhaps her beautiful, self-assured stepmother was as uncertain as she was. No wonder, then, that Mina was so desperate not to lose her last connection to her home—it was a piece of her, as surely as Mina was a piece of Lynet. And so maybe for once, Lynet could help Mina the way Mina had always helped her. She would tell her father she wasn’t ready for his offer, and he would concede, even if he didn’t understand, and Mina would be happy, and maybe they could all go back to the way they were before.
“Thank you, wolf cub,” Mina said before she pulled away.
Lynet felt a fierce need to protect her stepmother, to earn the pet name Mina had given her so long ago. If she couldn’t tell her father what she wanted for her own sake, at least she could do it for Mina’s. “Nothing will come between us,” Lynet said. “I promise.” She took Mina’s hand and pressed it gently.
Mina returned the gesture, but there was still doubt in her eyes, in the corners of her weary smile, and she mouthed something low and nearly inaudible as she started to stand. Lynet couldn’t make out the words exactly, but she thought she heard Mina say, I hope you’re right.
*
Lynet awoke on the morning of her birthday to the barking of the dogs, excited for the hunt. She climbed out of bed and went to her window, craning her neck to see the dogs gathered at the castle gates, along with the rest of the hunting party on their horses. Her father was there, as well as the head huntsman, the one with the empty eyes. Lynet quickly pulled her head back inside the window; she didn’t want either of them to see her.
Lynet suffered through her lessons for the day, though her stitching was even worse than usual, and she kept forgetting the dates and names of Whitespring’s prior rulers that she was supposed to memorize. She was too occupied trying to decide what she would say to her father and imagining his reactions.
He still wasn’t back later in the afternoon when her lessons were finished, so she went down to the workroom to see Nadia. She took her usual place, piling journals at one end of the table, but at this point, she was sure she knew as much as Master Jacob had known, and it still wasn’t enough. She kept fidgeting on her stool, flipping through the pages with a jittery restlessness. How soon until her father came back? How soon until she had to disappoint him? If she couldn’t convince him not to give her the South, would Mina believe that she had tried her hardest? Would she lose both of them?
Firm hands came down over hers, stilling her frantic movements, and she looked up at Nadia, who was standing over her with a curious frown. “What’s wrong?” she said. It was the first time Nadia had touched her since the tower, and so Lynet knew she must be worried.
Lynet didn’t want to deny that something was wrong. She couldn’t go to Mina this time, not when Mina was part of the problem—and she had no one else to confide in. “My father wants me to rule the South,” she blurted out, and then she told the rest.
When she was finished, Nadia leaned an arm on the back of Lynet’s chair, thinking. “So your father wants you to take the South,” she said, “and your stepmother wants you to talk him out of it.”
“Correct,” Lynet said, folding her hands in her lap and looking up as she waited for Nadia’s solution. Even with all her turmoil, part of her was just happy they were speaking to each other normally again. “What does the court surgeon suggest I do?”
Nadia smiled a little. “The court surgeon recommends a dose of self-interest.”
Lynet shook her head. “I don’t understand.”
“You’ve told me what your father and stepmother want, but what about you?” Her hand moved from the back of the chair to rest on Lynet’s shoulder, and for a moment Lynet could only stare at it before her eyes traveled from Nadia’s hand up her arm to meet her waiting gaze. “What do you want?” Nadia continued, her voice a little lower than before.
“I … I don’t know. I want them both to be happy,” Lynet said, her throat dry.
Nadia removed her hand. “I mean, what do you want for your future?”
Lynet didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know how to explain that she always tried not to think about her future, because when she looked into it, she couldn’t see herself anymore. In the end, it didn’t matter whether or not she took her father’s offer now—she would replace Mina and become queen eventually, and when she did, she would become her mother. That was her purpose, to resurrect the dead and die a little in the process.
The itching under her skin was back, but this time just climbing out a window wouldn’t be enough.
“Let’s run away,” she said, spinning around in her chair.
Nadia laughed in surprise. “What?”
Lynet stood, so that they would be face-to-face. “You want to go south to the university anyway, don’t you? Let’s go now, together.”
She was flushed with excitement, practically rocking on her feet with the urge to go, to leave Whitespring and all her troubles behind. She didn’t understand why Nadia was frowning at her like that, why she was shaking her head.
“You can’t just leave.”
“Yes, I can. People do it all the time. Why is everyone else allowed to come and go as they please except for me? We can go to the university, just like you planned.”
“No,” she said, and Lynet was startled by the harshness in her voice. Nadia seemed startled too, because she shook her head and added in a softer tone, “I mean … it’s a long journey, even a dangerous one. The roads aren’t always smooth, and there are thieves who hide in the woods. You’ve never even been outside the castle.”
Lynet bristled as she understood Nadia’s meaning, her hands twisting at her skirt as she tried to keep composed. “You’re saying I’m not strong enough to survive outside Whitespring,” she said. “You don’t think of me any differently than the rest of them do. You think I’m too delicate to survive anything.”
Nadia wouldn’t look her in the eye. “Lynet—” She was interrupted by a furious pounding at the door, and she ran to answer it while Lynet tried to make herself small and invisible.
Nadia opened the door, and Lynet heard a man’s voice say, “You’re needed at once. The king’s had an accident.”
14
MINA
“I want to ask you something,” Nicholas said.