‘How did you know?’
‘I’m allergic.’ He took out an embossed handkerchief and rubbed his nose.
Bob jumped up and down. ‘You’re allergic to genies? That’s awesome! Let me get closer! Can I make you sneeze on command?’
‘Bob,’ I said warningly, ‘that’s enough of that.’
‘Uh Integrity, you’re no fun.’
‘So you keep saying.’
Lexie’s brow knitted together. ‘Tegs, you’ve not made a wish, have you? Because that could be related to all the attempts on your life.’
‘No,’ I said cheerfully. ‘Those are all Sidhe and nothing to do with Bob. Up till now there have been no wishes.’
The pixie looked relieved but Speck’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. ‘Up till now?’
I beckoned all three of them over. We got into a huddle, our backs turned on Bob. ‘I know what the side effects are,’ I whispered. ‘But they’re always related to the wishes themselves.’
Speck nodded. ‘I heard there was a guy in Fife who came across a genie. He wanted everyone to like him so he wished he could hear everything that was said about him. The genie turned him invisible and he was never heard of again.’
‘If he was never heard of again,’ Lexie pointed out, tossing her hair, ‘how did anyone ever hear the story of the wish? Although there was that woman who wished to be younger and ended up trapped in the body of a baby. That was real.’
Speck scowled at her. ‘Why is your story real and mine isn’t?’
Brochan rolled his eyes. ‘Enough. Either way, wishes always go wrong. This is a bad idea, Tegs. You can’t trust genies.’
‘I can still hear you, you know,’ Bob piped up from behind. ‘I’m not deaf. I’m not evil either.’
‘I know all that,’ I told them, ignoring Bob. ‘It’s why I’ve not asked for anything yet, despite what’s happened.’ I didn’t bother mentioning that I would have tried when the stoor worm attacked if I’d had the chance. Under that kind of pressure, I could really have messed things up. It was better not to dwell on it.
‘So why now?’
‘Because I’m going to wish for knowledge. If I phrase it properly, it won’t screw things up.’
‘Tegs,’ Speck said seriously, ‘if you wish to know who wants you dead, you might end up with a long list of people. It’ll drive you insane.’
Brochan nodded in agreement. ‘Any time anyone’s thought they’d like to kill you might count. You’ll never trust anyone again.’
I tilted my head. ‘Are you three saying that you’ve thought in the past that you wanted to kill me?’
Lexie wouldn’t quite meet my eyes. ‘Not seriously.’
‘Yeah,’ Speck added, ‘not like we’d actually kill you. Just more the fleeting thought that we’d like to rip your head off and flay your skin.’
‘I thought you liked me!’
Brochan tutted. ‘We do like you. We love you. But sometimes…’
‘Sometimes what?’
Speck shifted his weight. ‘Those jokes are really annoying.’ He looked relieved to have said it.
‘Yeah,’ Lexie bobbed her head. ‘They’re so cheesy.’
‘And you tell them all the time,’ Brochan added.
I looked at him. ‘You too? You feel this way?’
He shrugged. ‘The thought might have crossed my mind once or twice. It’s not any different to the way I’ve wanted to kill Lexie for singing all the time.’
She glared at him.
‘I can’t believe this,’ I said, shaking my head. ‘You could have mentioned before that you didn’t like my jokes.’
‘Would you have stopped telling them?’ Speck asked hopefully.
I frowned. ‘Don’t be silly. I’d have told more so that you could get a wider range of them. What do you call it when you tell a joke in the shower?’
Speck stared at Brochan. ‘Please make her stop.’
‘A clean joke!’
Lexie groaned. ‘That’s the worst one I’ve heard in a long time.’
‘Oh yeah?’ I said, putting my hands on my hips. ‘Well, expect a lot more from now on, darling.’
Bob coughed. ‘Helloooo? I’m still here, you know.’
I turned round. ‘Bob,’ I began.
‘Tegs, don’t.’
I held up my finger. ‘I’ve got this.’
Bob smacked his palms together in glee. ‘Yes, Uh Integrity? I think I’m going to cream my pants in anticipation.’
Speck winced. ‘Don’t. Just … don’t.’
‘I wish…’ Brochan interrupted with three loud successive sneezes. Speck and Lexie jumped nervously but I stayed on track. ‘I wish to know who’s responsible for trying to kill me with the stoor worm and the fireballs.’ I smiled to myself. As wishes went, that was pretty much perfect. I’d kept things as simple and specific as possible.
Bob beamed. He snapped his fingers. ‘Uh Integrity, your wish is granted.’