We spend the rest of the night talking about Emmy and the rest of her family and she doesn’t ask me about Lucky again. She’s said her piece and there’s no point beating that horse.
When we get back to the building I walk her to her apartment. She lifts up onto her tiptoes and presses a kiss to my mouth. I’ve been tempted in the past, but tonight, despite that the threat of getting my ass shot is no longer looming large, I’m a little surprised to find there’s no temptation.
“’Night, Kate.”
She smiles. “Don’t be a stranger.”
I blow out a humorless laugh. “They don’t come any stranger.”
She lets herself in and when I hear her deadbolt click into place, I head up one flight to my place. And sleep like a rock for the first time since I met Lucky.
#
It hasn’t stopped pouring since we got to Minneapolis, and it’s cold in the middle of fucking July. This is why I hate the Midwest. It can do this for days. But, finally, when we come out of the arena a little before midnight, the rain’s stopped.
The guys load in the car back to the hotel, but I decide to walk. It’s less than a mile and I’m feeling antsy. Too much time in planes and hotel rooms, I guess.
I wave at the guard as I pass through the security gate onto the street, then pull up my hood and shove my hands in my pockets.
I woke up in Austin yesterday with the beginnings of a song in my head. I’m not quite sure what it is yet, but the electricity in my veins tells me it’s something. I stop in the middle of the bridge I’m crossing and brace my hands against the rail, staring down at the churning river below.
Because I’ve had something else on my mind since Austin too.
I think Kate’s right. Maybe I really am falling for Lucky. For the first time I can remember, I’m thinking past the first fuck. I care whether she gets hurt, especially by me. I’ve never been so unclear in my own mind as far as what my motivations are, but what I’ve unraveled from the chaos in my head is that what I want most is for Lucky to be happy and safe. Which means I need to stick to my word and back off.
I shove off the rail as a mist begins to fall. By the time I get to the hotel, despite the fact I’m soaked, I feel about a thousand pounds lighter. Now that I know what I need to do, my gut is untwisting and I feel like I can breathe for the first time since I met Lucky three weeks ago.
I walk into the suite and the party’s already well underway. The crew has managed to round up a couple dozen girls and it looks like no one’s feeling any pain.
“Gunner!” Grim shouts when he looks up from the lines he’s doing off the glass coffee table and sees me. “Got a big fucking fat one with your name on it over here!”
I start that direction, but I’m only halfway there when a girl wraps herself around me from behind. “I’ve got your name on me too,” she says low in my ear.
I glance over my shoulder and find a reasonable hot blonde I’ve never seen before. I grab her by the ass and plant one on her, grinding all up the front of her.
But my heart’s not in really it.
I let her go and back away toward my bedroom door. “I think I’m gonna lay low tonight—crash early and get some sleep for a change.”
Grim looks up at me with raised eyebrows. “You all right, man?”
I give a one shouldered shrug. “Just not feeling it.”
He smirks and springs off the couch, grabbing the girl I was just on. “More for us.”
I turn for my room without looking back and close the door behind me, then flop onto the bed and stare at the ceiling. I close my eyes and listen as more notes begin threading through my brain. They form into a melody and I get up and mark it out on the pad of hotel paper next to the phone, then hum it out loud. I tweak it a little, then go to the corner and grab my guitar. I totally have that juiced feeling I get when I’m onto something real. My heart starts pounding with an electric current when I begin to get a feel for what this song’s gonna be.
I pick and jot, tweak and hum, and with every new line I feel more amped. Before I know it, the sun’s coming up outside my window.
#
It takes me another week to finish it. I stick with my plan and steer clear of Lucky through our sweep of the Midwest, but she’s always on my mind. Because this song is hers. When I sit down with my guitar and play it, my blood is electric.
It’s the best fucking thing I’ve ever written.
Chapter 10
Shiloh
It’s been over a week since Tro apologized to me, and since then, I’ve only seen him a few times in passing.