A tear slips over my lashes despite the dam I’ve constructed. “I should have left him alone.”
“I don’t think he’d be any happier.” He stands and takes my mug, going back to the kitchen and filling them both. “Are you going to want more?” he asks, lifting my mug. “’Cause this is the end of it.”
“No thanks.”
He moves around the end of the island and hands mine to me. “For what it’s worth, I hope you don’t give up on him,” he says, sinking into his side of the sofa.
I think about the poem I’m in the middle of. Girl Unhinged. I remember the feeling that inspired it: euphoria so absolute that it couldn’t be contained. This misery is just as absolute.
But I won’t give up on Caiden. I can’t.
Chapter 18
Caiden
“I’ve looked over your case file, Mr. Brenner,” the court appointed lawyer sitting across the interrogation room table says to me. He’s about my age in a threadbare gray suit. Totally unpretentious. I immediately trust the guy. “Your situation is serious. They’ve got an eyewitness on both counts, and the problem is, it’s the lewd acts count that’s backed with video evidence. Our only reasonable defense here is if we can prove you had plausible reason to believe Miss”— he glances down at the file—“Leon was eighteen.”
I lean on my elbows. “There’s no point pleading anything but guilty. We did everything they say we did and more, and I knew how old she was when we did it. I don’t want Blaire dragged through a trial.”
He nods slowly. “Then, I think we’re right to plead it out, but we definitely don’t want to go with a guilty plea on the lewd acts count. That would mandate that you file as a sex offender for life. It would preclude you from any number of jobs. Misdemeanor statutory rape doesn’t carry that mandate.” He leans back in his chair, splaying his hand on my file. “Miss Leon is adamant that the sex was consensual. In the state of California, consent doesn’t matter in cases involving minors, but combined with the fact that she was seventeen it will probably sway the judge to try the case as a misdemeanor versus a felony. I suggest we plea to misdemeanor statutory rape and ask the lewd acts count be dropped.”
“I’ll go with whatever you say, as long as it keeps Blaire from having to be involved at all.”
“You need to understand, there might be jail time…a few months maybe, but based on the strength of their evidence, I think that’s the best we’re going to do.”
I nod.
“So, we’re good?”
I’m in love with you, Caiden.
I close my eyes and breathe away the memory. “Yeah.”
I’m so fucking far from good there’s not a word. It’s like some kind of cosmic joke, that the only woman I’ve ever truly loved isn’t technically a woman at all in the eyes of the law. They say you can’t choose who you love, but if I could, I’d choose Blaire every single time.
And every single time, it would ruin both our lives.
∞
It’s been three days since they hauled me out of my apartment in cuffs. I haven’t shaved and I’m sure I look like shit. Not that I really care. There are only the lawyers, the judge, the court reporter, and me in the room for the arraignment. I sit, numb, as the prosecutor lays out their case for the judge, who watches the video and decides there’s enough to hold me for trial.
“The defendant will be released on ten thousand dollars bail pending trial. We’ll try it in closed court and seal the records due to the age of the victim.” He looks at my lawyer. “How much time do you need for discovery?”
He glances at me and I nod. “Your honor, my client is prepared to enter a guilty plea to misdemeanor statutory rape provided the prosecution agrees to drop the lewd act with a minor charge.”
The judge looks down at his case file. “The victim is sixteen?” he asks.
“Seventeen at the time of the alleged statutory rape, Your Honor,” my lawyer answers.
He thumbs through a few pages, then looks at the prosecutor. “I’m inclined to say, based on what I’ve seen here, that would be my preliminary opinion. Do you have any evidence beyond what I’ve seen that would persuade me toward a different decision?”
“No, Your Honor. The prosecution would agree to the defense’s plea.”
The judge gives a nod, then looks at my lawyer. “Would you like a separate sentencing hearing, or can we do it here?”
My lawyer leans toward me. “We’re not likely to get a more lenient judge by waiting, and it will just drag things out.”
“Whatever you think.”
“If your honor is ready to rule, we’re agreeable to sentencing now,” he says to the judge.
“Very well,” the judge says. “If you’d stand, Mr. Brenner.”