“I’m sorry,” I say again. “I wish things were different.”
I leave it at that. I’m not going to go all “maybe someday” on her. There’s no denying we have an electric attraction, but I know from experience that sort of thing flickers out over time. By the end of the semester in three and a half months, we’ll both have moved on. No sense making promises now that neither of us will be interested in keeping when the time comes.
A smile ticks at one corner of her mouth. “Me too.”
She gathers her things and I watch after her as she turns and walks toward the stairs. When she disappears at the landing, I breathe a sigh of relief.
Bullet dodged.
Chapter 5
Blaire
Nate rolls off me, breathing hard. There’s a farting sound as our sweat-slick chests unsuction. It’s only the middle of March, so it’s still pretty cold out, especially after dark. Nate left the engine running and the heater blowing full blast when we climbed into the backseat of his Jeep. In hindsight, that probably wasn’t necessary.
“Did you come, baby girl?” he pants.
“Yeah,” I lie.
He settles onto his back and I roll on my side, wedging myself between his bulk and the backrest.
He hooks his arm around my neck and presses his face to the crown of my head. “I couldn’t wait to get home to you.”
He texted yesterday telling me he was coming home for his Mom’s fiftieth birthday party, which is tomorrow, I guess. Said he’d be in town by eight and I should meet him at the high school. It was the first time I’d heard from him since he left my bed two months ago at the end of winter break.
I guess since Marcus isn’t home he didn’t want to come to my house and fuck me there.
“I fucking missed you,” he breathes into my hair.
I look up at him. “Don’t you mean you missed fucking me?”
He gives me that full-dimple smile. “All of the above.” I settle into his side and his fingers brush over my back. “Marcus said you got into Stanford.”
“And Berkeley,” I say. “I’m going there.”
“Damn, girl.” I can tell he’s grinning even though I’m not looking at his face. “Maybe some of those brains will rub off on me.”
“Probably not,” I say.
He chuckles and gropes my ass.
As I lay here, it hits me how achingly empty I feel. This isn’t how it was the first two times we had sex. I guess that’s because I didn’t have any expectations other than being wanted for a few minutes. But now I want Caiden. I want the all-consuming aching need that being near him makes me feel. I want the palpable connection that crackles between us when we’re together—how it feels like we’re touching sometimes even when we’re feet apart.
Or maybe it’s passion I want.
All I know is, whatever it is I need now, Nate isn’t giving it to me.
Nate’s hand combs through my hair and I try to convince myself this is enough. I try to be happy with what I’ve got. He’s still a hundred times better than any of the trolls at school. I close my eyes and sink into his warmth.
But just as I’m starting to get comfortable, he sits up. “I gotta get home. Told Mom I’d be there tonight.” He shucks off the condom and drags his jeans over his hips and buttons them, then pulls his phone out of the pocket. “She’s been blowing up my phone the whole time we were fucking.”
I sit next to him and grab my underwear and leggings off the floorboards. “You should have gone home first.”
His smile is cocky when he turns it on me and slips a hand between my legs. “No way you weren’t going to be my first stop, baby girl.”
We tug our clothes on and I push out the back door as he slips over the back of the driver’s seat. We’re parked behind the high school, in the faculty lot, which is empty this time of night. I don’t bother to ask if I’ll see him again before he goes back to school. I don’t think I want to. I don’t even know why I’m doing this except that I’ve spent the last five weeks and four days trying to honor Caiden’s wishes to stay the hell away from him. I thought seeing Nate might distract me from counting days…hours. I thought it might kill the burning ache in my chest every time I force my feet to carry me to the student parking lot after class instead of the library. I’ve got to stop wishing for Caiden’s hands on me, because he made it pretty clear it’s not going to happen again. I guess I hoped someone else’s hands on me might quell the need.
Nate’s backing out of his spot before I’m even in my car. He honks as he peals out onto the road.
I drop into my seat and head home.
Chapter 6
Caiden