“Are you sure you’re ready for this?”
I leaned my shoulder on the opposite side of the window and admired the way the light struck his face. Christian had strong bone structure, and sometimes the way he looked at me left me wondering what was going on in that head of his. “If I don’t make myself ready, I’ll never be. This is my life. It’s all I have.”
“It’s not all you have,” he muttered.
“I don’t follow.”
He folded his arms. “I haven’t pressed because I promised I’d let you alone. But seeing as you’re joining the team again, you deserve to know the truth. The man you call your maker has scrubbed your memories.”
A cold chill washed over me. “No, that’s not true. I remember everything about what happened, from the time I was taken to the final day of my rescue. There aren’t any holes.”
“Aye. But what do you remember before that?” He shifted his stance and looked at me with hesitation. “About us?”
“You’re my partner. You’re kind of a dick. What’s there to know?”
He held up his hand. “You don’t remember this ring?”
I shook my head. “Is this some kind of game?”
“You can’t trust him, Raven. I know you think you owe him some kind of favor, but you don’t. Where’s your necklace?”
“I don’t know. I guess with the clothes I left behind. Why?”
Christian pushed off the wall and widened his stance. “I’d wager you traded it to keep your memory of him, but he took something else. Your memories of me.”
“It was just a trinket. Why would he do something like that?”
Christian’s voice was intimate and quiet. “Because that’s what he does, Raven. He takes. What you and I had was a secret that no one here knows about. But he knew, and I’m not about to guess how.”
I lifted my chin and gave him an icy stare. “Are you trying to say that I did some squealing in captivity? Houdini already knew about Keystone, but I didn’t tell him anything else. As for Fletcher, he never learned a damn thing—no matter what he did to me. So get your facts straight. Why the sudden contempt for my maker?”
“He sold you to the devil.”
“He didn’t know who Fletcher was to me. Besides, I’m the one who didn’t want you to buy me back. It worked out better this way. Revisiting my past set my head straight, and I buried a few demons. That’s what Houdini wanted.”
Christian gave a mirthless laugh. “So he did this out of the goodness of his own heart? I’ll be sure to say a blessing for him the next time I’m at mass.”
“I’m not saying I like the guy, but I get where he’s coming from. He had no choice but to sell me to uphold his reputation with buyers, and he took into consideration how I felt about returning to Keystone with a price tag.”
“Is that reality, or is that the reality he wants you to believe?” Christian’s lips thinned beneath his beard. “That insidious little monster is gaslighting you, Raven. He’s changing the way you see things until you can’t tell your ideas from his. You don’t understand a maker’s power. His blood is a part of you—it made you. He left you with memories of him, but he took away memories of us. Think about us at your mother’s grave. Think hard, and when your headache comes, you’ll have your answer.”
When I tried to think about what Christian was referring to, a pain struck my temple like it had done before. “How can I just take your word for it? Sure, we buried the hatchet, but sometimes I wonder if your end wasn’t buried in my back.”
“I can’t prove our relationship. Viktor would have sent us packing.”
My stomach twisted as if snakes were slithering inside. Christian had no reason to lie, and I felt the truth in his words. “Did we have… sex?”
“No, it wasn’t like that. We just had moments, Raven. Moments that are gone.”
Confused, I stared at his shoes and wondered if this might be a game. How much did I really know about Christian Poe? He enjoyed messing with my head, and how could I believe a truth that wasn’t in my own memories? Vampires had undeniable powers, and while something felt amiss, I couldn’t put my finger on exactly what. I tried to think back to when Houdini could have scrubbed me, but nothing came to mind.
“Why are you telling me this now?”
Christian took a step forward and looked down at me. “Because you can’t trust him blindly.”
“I never said I trusted him.”
“You never said you didn’t.” As if he couldn’t look at me anymore, Christian swung his gaze out the window. “I used to think it would be better this way, but I don’t like that he took something of yours that was mine. Perhaps he was jealous that another Vampire formed a bond with you, or maybe he’s insane. I don’t expect you to believe me, but you need to hear the truth.”
When I turned away, he captured my wrist. It wasn’t until he touched me with a tender grip that my heart skipped a beat and a familiar sensation washed over me like a distant dream.
Christian’s thumb rested on my wrist where my pulse ticked madly. “Forget what you believe; do you feel anything for me? Did he just erase the memories, or did he abscond with your heart along with your necklace?”
Doubt nestled in my mind, and I pulled my arm out of his grasp. After weeks of hard work and dedication, I’d finally gotten my bearings, and now here Christian came, tossing a monkey wrench into the machine. “I need to focus on this case without distractions. Can you at least give me that? Viktor has his doubts about whether or not I’m ready, so I can’t take this on right now. I don’t know if you’re telling the truth or not, but even if you are, what am I supposed to do with that?”
“That man can’t be trusted. He knows where we live, and we don’t know what else he charmed out of you. I’m not saying you gave information willingly, but don’t feel beholden to a man who’s manipulating your sense of reason. You’ve been through enough.”
Maybe Christian was right, but right now Houdini was the furthest thing from my mind. Healing, finding a routine, and making Viktor proud to have me on his team were my only priorities. I didn’t have time to wrestle with the truth of it all.
I glanced out the window. “What do you think I should pack for Canada?”
“A bearskin coat and an upbeat personality?”
I snapped my fingers before strutting away. “Plenty of impalement wood. Great idea.”
Chapter 27
When I entered the dining room, the conversation died. No one seemed to know what to say, and their silence made it even more awkward. But when Kira appeared with a pot roast, life returned to normal.