“The last day I saw her alive.”
My stomach sank. I felt like someone punched me. If today was the last day Cormac saw Carrie… that meant we were…
“Christ, it’s that time again,” I whispered.
We were five days away from the anniversary of her death. It hadn't even dawned on me.
“Aye,” Cormac said. “Remember, Finn? I saw you two and I had that fight in Reno. On the way back…”
“I remember,” I said.
“Do you? Huh?”
“I fucking remember.”
Cormac pushed the coffee mug out of the way and pointed at me. “I don’t t’ink you do…” The Irish anger was building. “You don’t… you always spend the day with me, brudder.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “Fiore had Shayna attacked. Someone tried to… tried to force himself in her.”
“Jesus Christ,” Cormac said.
“That’s what I’m dealing with, bro. I would never forget. Not Carrie. Not what she did for me. What she gave us, Cormac. Okay?”
“I’m not angry with you. I’m angry…”
With Shayna?
Cormac pointed a finger to his own chest. “I’m angry with me.”
“Why yourself?” I asked.
“You moved on.”
“Moved on?”
“You love that woman in there. Christ, Finn, from the second I saw you two together. That was goddamn trouble. She put her life on the line without knowing you, brother.”
“You took me to that fight,” I said. “I should be mad at you for all this.”
Cormac grinned. “Fuck that. I believe in fate. You know that.”
“I know. Too much.”
“Hey. I got nothing but fate. Fate took Carrie from us. Why? I don’t know. Maybe she was there with me when I got bashed in the fucking head behind the arena that one time by that crazy guy, huh? Maybe she lessened the blow and I survived. How many times do you have a close call on the road? Some asshole runs a light or speeds by or something. It’s all fate. Maybe Carrie was meant to bring us together for this and then watch.”
“How do you think that makes me fucking feel?” I asked. “I’m in love with someone else. And it’s different, Cormac. The way I feel about Shayna. It’s goddamn different.”
“Because it’s true.”
“What I had with Carrie was true.”
Cormac grabbed my hand. “I know, brother. I would never doubt that. I’m telling you that I’m okay with it all. You go and love her. You make her everything you want. I’m mad at myself for not seeing that sooner. For not pushing you. For not finding it out for myself.”
“You will. You’re a good man.”
“I’m a fate man, Finn. It’s all fate. Live today, die tomorrow, it’s all fate.”
“So getting dead drunk and driving…”
“Aye. That was stupid. But fate brought me here. She was with me, Finn.”
“You really are a crazy son of a bitch, Cormac.”
“Aye,” he said. “Now go love that woman.” He grabbed his coffee mug and drank some more. “Oh, Finn?”
“What?”
“If yer not going to love her the right way, then at least let her show me her tits again.”
I made a fist and showed it to Cormac. Then I started to laugh.
I had to laugh.
Everything was so wrong, so fucking bad, I just had to laugh.
Cormac laughed and the world felt at ease again.
It was the last time I ever heard Cormac laugh.
~
I slipped my arm around Shayna and pulled her close. “We should go for a ride.”
“What’s your plan?” she asked.
“Something risky.”
“Which is?”
“We go to Fiore’s family,” I said.
Shayna froze and looked at me. She knew what that meant. It was a very dangerous move to make. Going above Fiore meant I was basically stabbing him in the back. But maybe someone else could talk sense into him or get him help.
“Come on,” I said. “We’ll go for a ride and talk. Cormac is going to sleep off the rest of his booze. I’ll take you to my old stomping grounds, okay? The old gym and stuff.”
“Okay,” Shayna said with a smile.
I started to move and she grabbed my wrist. She looked at me. “What?”
“I wasn’t lying.”
“What do you mean?”
“The way I felt,” she said. “When Fiore was here. With the test.”
“So the test was positive?”
“No. It was negative. But the way I feel…” Her cheeks flushed.
I didn’t know what to say.
I grabbed a bag and threw some clothes together just in case she and I decided to get a little wild at the old gym.
We left the bedroom and Cormac was on the couch, sound asleep. A coffee cup on the table, half empty. He was the only guy I knew who could pound eight cups of coffee and fall asleep. There was a fire in the fireplace. The cabin actually felt really cozy. Really at home. I paused for a second and started to see it all happening. Me and Shayna living in the cabin without worry or fear.
Cormac let out a growling snore and then coughed.
“He sounds like an animal,” Shayna said.
“I’m pretty sure he is part animal,” I said.
We got outside to the truck and a sudden strange feeling went through my body.