Full Package

She’s not wrong. I rocked at school. Hell, I didn’t skip two grades for nothing. I loved taking tests, loved answering questions, and loved getting the answers right. Part of me wants to shout, “It’s chemistry.”


But Ivory keeps going. “Chocolate is an aphrodisiac because it melts on the tongue, and because it improves circulation. But most importantly, it strengthens the heart.” She stops in the middle of the room and surveys her cooking students at each station. “And do you know what a strong heart does?”

I. Can’t. Resist.

I speak up. “A strong heart beats one hundred thousand times a day and pumps about two thousand gallons of blood through the circulatory system to sustain life. When the heart is strong, you can do everything better, faster, and longer.” Ivory watches me with wide eyes. “That also means a strong heart improves endurance.” I square my shoulders. “Including between the sheets.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Josie’s lips twitching. Her hand covers her mouth. Then a small laugh slips past her fingers.

“Very good,” Ivory says with a nod. “And you see, class, chocolate is good for the heart because it helps ensure you can last all night long.”

Josie grabs my arm and digs her nails in, no doubt so she doesn’t crack up.

“And now let us enjoy the stimulant,” Ivory says, holding her arms out wide, as if she’s our Sherpa guiding us up the mountain of sexual exploration. “Let us dip the strawberries in the chocolate and feed them to our partners.”

Josie turns to me, a naughty little grin on her face as she holds a strawberry and whispers, “Open wide.”

I do, flicking my tongue out, letting her know what I want to be eating.

My date brings a chocolate-covered strawberry to my tongue. It’s tasty, and I finish it quickly. Then I notice everyone else is moving in slow motion, taking their time with the berries, rolling them around on their tongues, dusting kisses on their partners’ mouth.

Make no mistake—I would love to be kissing Josie right now. But in private. Not on display. I lower my voice. “I feel like we’re in a Lamaze class, and we’re the only ones not totally into it.”

She laughs. “Same here. Also, I already knew all this stuff about the food. Sort of like you and the heart,” she says, tapping mine.

Her hand on me feels good. It reminds me where I want to be.

Not here.

Evidently, she feels the same because she mouths, “Want to make a run for it?”

I lunge as if I’m about to take off in a race. Josie shakes her head, then dips her hand in her purse, fiddles around with something, and soon my phone bleeps loudly from my pocket.

Josie turns her expression to one of worry. “Oh my God, is that the hospital?” she says in a stage whisper.

I slide into my role. “It must be,” I say heavily. “I’m on call tonight.”

I grab my phone, swipe my thumb across the screen, and bring it to my ear, answering it professionally. I pretend to listen to instructions. When the imaginary answering service is through, I say, “I’ll be right there. Make sure to stabilize the patient and start an IV drip.”

All eyes in the room snap to me. “I’ll be there in ten minutes.” For Josie’s amusement, I add in a deeply ominous tone, “And whatever you do, Bob, don’t lose the patient.”

Dun. Dun. Dun.

I end the call, and Ivory points to the door. “Go! Godspeed.”

We take off into the Soho night, laughing as we make our great escape from the too touchy-feely cooking lesson.

“What a strange class,” Josie says as we head to the subway. “Funny, because I heard so many raves about it.”

“I get why it’s fun, but maybe it’s not for us. To each his or her own, I suppose. The guy who recommended it liked to hang on chandeliers.”

We stop at the crosswalk, waiting for the light. She looks up at the faint stars in the sky, as if she’s thinking. “The whole idea of aphrodisiacs or sensual food is cool, but maybe it’s not the food that’s sensual.” She meets my eyes. “Maybe it’s the person. Maybe it’s just who you’re with, and it’s not about the candlelight, or the music, or the way you feed someone.”

I drop my hand to her shoulder and serve up the full truth. “Josie, you could eat tuna fish and I’d still be turned on.”

She brings a hand to her chest and bats her eyes. “I think that’s the sexiest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

Then we go underground.





27





Let me be perfectly clear. The subway is not an aphrodisiac.

But Josie is.

The whole ride uptown, we talk. About the class. About food. About what might happen on the next season of Vice Principals. She slides her hand into my hair and absently plays with the ends as we talk.

And this, right here, on the noisy, dirty, grimy subway is the true turn-on. Me and my girl, heading home. As the train slaloms past Fourteenth Street, she drops her hand and reaches for mine.

My breath hitches as she squeezes my fingers. That’s all it takes. Her holding my hand. I let my head fall back, hitting the window behind us.

“Are you okay?” she asks.

“I'm perfect.”