Full Package

“I’m so glad you like it,” Josie says, with a grin. “And now you have done your due diligence as my favorite taste tester. Do you have any idea how awful it was for me when you were in Africa?”


“I can’t even imagine the hell you went through without me around,” I say, since I was gone for a year with Doctors Without Borders, doing a stint in the Central African Republic and helping out the people who’ve suffered most through the armed conflict and instability in that country. Those were some of the most challenging but also most gratifying times I’ve ever spent. It made me a better doctor; I hope it made me a better person, too.

It definitely made me miss Josie’s taste tests of treats, though.

“It was rough, Chase,” she says, all serious-looking as she teases me. “I just had to take it day by day to get through.”

“Speaking of rough days . . . So this guy came into the ER earlier,” I say, since Josie enjoys Tales from the ER. Her eyes light up, and she rubs her hands as if to say tell me, tell me. “He was testing the structural integrity of a chandelier,” I say, then share the rest of the story of Aquaman’s adventures.

She cringes, then laughs. “Well, that beats my crazy morning.”

I narrow my eyes. “Don’t tell me you tried to get intimate with a KitchenAid mixer?”

“Ha. No. Last week, I started looking for a roomie now that Natalie’s moved out.”

“Oh, yeah?” Natalie is Josie’s former roommate. Now she’s hitched to Wyatt and they’re living together in his apartment.

“Talk about a pain in the forehead. This morning a woman who answered my ad stopped by to see my place and wanted to know my ‘quiet hours.’ Like, what time each night we have mandatory lights out at my home.” Josie shoots me a look that tells me that’s the nuttiest idea.

“Did you tell her the curfew at Chez Josie?”

“Nine p.m. On the dot,” she says primly, straightening her spine. “But I didn’t bother to tell her that after nine is when I go crazy and watch loud and naughty HBO shows.”

“Like there’s any other kind.”

She taps my leg. “But that doesn’t even compare to the lady who wanted to know if the building allowed snakes.”

“No fucking way,” I say, recoiling. I can handle blood, guts, and all manner of foreign objects in completely wrong locations, but animals that slither? Nope. Can’t do it.

“Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?” Josie and I ask in unison, quoting Raiders of the Lost Ark.

She shudders. “I swear looking for a roommate is all I’ve been doing, too. And the parade of crazy started as soon as I began advertising for a single female roommate, twenties to thirties. The next woman who answered the ad wanted to know if I would be baking at home. She said she was allergic to flour and feared my apartment would aggravate her sensitivities.”

“See? I’m not sensitive at all. You could bake around me anytime.”

“You could taste test everything I want to try making.”

I puff up my cheeks. “I’d balloon out.” I make a basketball arc over my stomach, too.

“Hardly.” She darts out a hand and pats my belly. It’s flat as a board. I work out a lot. Plus, I walk or bike all over the city. I like to stay busy. My mom said when I was a kid, I was a perpetual motion machine. She also called me high-energy, always on, and exasperating. And not necessarily in that order. But that’s why medicine fits me so well, and that’s also why I picked the ER for my practice. Keeps me on my toes, keeps me busy, keeps me moving. It’s a mental and a physical challenge.

“If only you were a girl.” Josie sighs dejectedly. “You’d be the perfect roommate.”

“If only I were a girl, I’d play with my tits all day.”

“You would not.”

“Would so.” I waggle my hands in front of my chest to mime my activity of choice in this if only scenario.

She swats me. “You’re ridiculous.” She tilts her head as a bird chirps in a nearby tree. “But enough about me. You must have good news on the apartment front by now. Did you get the place in Chelsea you were hoping for?”

I drag a hand through my hair. “Nope. And let’s just say there were some conditions attached to the latest offer that made me realize I need to start from scratch. Mainly, my leasing agent pitched me a threesome.”

Her jaw drops. “For real?”

I nod. “Yeah, for real. I’m confident it was a bona fide offer, since she told me she makes a great ceviche, too. Like, why else would you mention the ceviche? Clearly, she was using it as a lure.”

Josie frowns. “I don’t get it. Is ceviche like a thing in threesomes?”

I laugh, and shake my head. “No. Actually, I don’t know because I’m not into that. But all I know is she was so goddamn normal about both the threesome and the fish dish, that’s how I knew she was for real.”