“When did I lie?” he asked.
I shrugged. “Maybe not outright. But you let me believe my task was to kill the king. That’s the whole reason I did all this. You think it was easy? Learning to trust two Frostbloods to teach me how to master my fire. Taking orders, holding my temper, learning to quiet my mind. You think any of this was easy?”
“No. I don’t think it was easy at all.”
I kept my face turned away so he wouldn’t see the pain I couldn’t hide. “Fool that I am, I thought it would get me what I wanted. Revenge. And now I know that all you ever wanted me to do was destroy the throne. Do you know what Brother Thistle thinks?” I gave a snort of disgust. “Of course you do. Stupid, fanciful notions. I… I should have run away in the dead of night and never come back. I should have gone to the castle myself.”
“So you could die in his arena like all the other Firebloods?”
“And the death you have planned for me is better? The one where the king kills me for destroying his throne? That’s assuming I’m even strong enough. That’s also assuming we even get past the castle guards. You’ll be dead, too, by the way, if we don’t. I hope the payout, whatever it is, is worth it.”
Slowly, he raised himself onto his elbows. “If I could afford to be completely selfish, I wouldn’t let you go after the king. I would take you far away from this land and keep you safe.”
My lashes fluttered, pleased shock sending ripples over my skin. The red haze over my eyes began to fade.
I sat back and wrapped my arms around my knees. I would take you far away from this land and keep you safe. It had been so long since anyone had tried to protect me. A part of me longed to curl into his arms and warm him with my heat as his words warmed me. But the last time I had touched him, he had told me to stop.
He took a breath, and when he spoke again, his voice was steady. “But I cannot only think of myself. You know what’s happening to my people. You know what’s already happened to yours. It cannot continue.”
I pressed my palms against the earth and focused on a spot in the distance. “Why me? You don’t believe in prophecies. You said yourself I’m just another foul-tempered Fireblood.”
He pushed up and sat forward, resting his elbows on his bent knees. His skin, where it wasn’t scarred, was smooth and young, though I knew his eyes held the weight of experience many years older.
“Who else is there?” he asked. “What Fireblood will do this but you?”
“What if I do destroy the throne? When it’s all over, are you just going to”—I waved a hand—“disappear into the air like mist?”
“From the time we leave the abbey until you’re safely back again, I’ll protect you with my life.”
I looked at Arcus and remembered Brother Thistle’s claim: that the Frostblood felt more than he showed. The pounding of my heart eased and the fog began to lift.
“And if I die there?” I asked. “Will someone take my body? Or will he put my head on a post at the castle gates?”
His fist hit the earth, making the ground reverberate. “You have to believe you can win. What happened to your rage? Your fire? Are you giving up already?”
“I’m not giving up! But you should have told me everything from the start so I knew what I was facing!”
“You want a guarantee,” he said. “Assurances that nothing will go wrong. Ruby, there is no such thing.”
I shrugged. He was right. I buried my nose between my knees and wished I were invisible.
“Please go,” I mumbled against the fabric of my robe. “I want to be alone.”
Arcus heaved a sigh, but I heard no sounds of him rising to leave. Finally, I lifted my head.
He looked south toward the road to the abbey, a silent silhouette. His profile, I couldn’t help noticing, was nobly carved. How handsome he must have been before he was burned. Heat flared over my skin. How handsome he was now.
I turned away. I didn’t want to think those kinds of thoughts about him, now or ever again. I was a fool to entertain them in the first place. It wasn’t his fault that the fire in my blood made me feel things he couldn’t. For once, I wished my blood were a little cooler, more like his.
“You asked me how I was burned,” he said, his voice barely louder than the hissing of the wind. “A Fireblood master tried to kill me.”
I didn’t want to care, but I couldn’t help it. In an instant, I understood Arcus’s initial fear and animosity toward me. I had threatened to burn him so badly his mistress would run from him in terror. I curled my nails into my palms to ward off the guilt that welled up at the memory.
“He caught me unawares. I was lured to a place where I was alone. I was a fool for not taking better care. After all my training with weapons and combat, I didn’t even get in one hit before I was on the ground, my throat so raw I couldn’t even scream my agony.”
It took a minute to find my voice. “Where did you live?”