“If you say ‘wittle’ one more time….”
He laughed the lamest noise I had ever heard from him. “Love you, Grumps. And I’m proud of you. If I had kids and they grew up to be half as dedicated and hardworking as you, I couldn’t ask any for anything else.”
I sighed and hugged him closer. “Love you too.”
“Don’t let Dad get to you, all right?” My big brother turned his head, gave me a sloppy kiss on the head, and let me go, just like that. So suddenly I almost fell over.
I could see my dad out of the corner of my eye talking to James and Sebastian, but while I didn’t want to run away, I definitely didn’t want to talk to him.
“Let’s roll, Grumps,” my mom said, slipping an arm through mine and dragging me forward in the same motion; her husband, Ben, following behind, an arm on my shoulder as he pushed me into the parking lot.
What was I going to say? No? Please stop?
My brother and sisters would only give me a tiny amount of shit for bailing without telling them bye, but they would understand why. Walking beside my mom, pretty much jogging, the three of us made it to Ben’s BMW and got inside in record time, me slipping into the back seat while Ben got into the front and my mom in the passenger.
The second all three doors were slammed shut, my mom screamed.
Literally screamed so loud and for so long that Ben and I both covered our ears and looked at her like she was insane.
“I cannot stand your father!” she shouted the second her scream died down. “What is wrong with him?”
I looked in the rearview mirror at the same time Ben did, and we both raised our eyebrows at each other a moment before he started reversing out of the parking lot.
“I’m sorry, Jasmine, I’m so sorry,” my mom apologized, turning around in her seat to look at me.
I still had my eyebrows up. “It’s fine, Mom. Put your seat belt on.”
She ignored me. “God, I want to light him on fire!”
That went dark real quick.
“You’re sure you’re okay?” she asked, still facing me. Her face this weird mixture of devastated and furious.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” Now. “Put your seat belt on.”
“Is he always like that?” Ben asked as he steered the car across the parking lot.
“An asshole?” my mom pitched in. “Yes, especially with the kids.”
I loved how she called us her kids to a man that was only a few years older than my brother.
“But to tell you that you’re quitter? He’s lucky I promised Squirt I’d behave or I would’ve ripped him an asshole the size of my fist, and punched it.”
If I wasn’t supposed to smile to that, I wasn’t sure how to make that happen.
“She was pinching me under the table,” Ben let me know, like that would surprise me. It didn’t.
That was my mom right there. My defender forever and ever.
“Sorry about that, Jas,” my mom’s fourth husband murmured.
“It’s fine.”
“It’s not fine.” Mom turned around to face me again. “You’re a world-class athlete, and he makes it seem like you’re some kind of… little girl that does it for fun on the weekends. And I just sat there, dying inside while my Grumpy went outside, upset.”
“Mom—”
“I don’t want to see him. I better not see him again while he’s here. Better not see him again for another decade. Ruby can hang out with him after this. He better not expect you to see him.”
“He never wants to spend time with me anyway, Mom. It isn’t a big deal. Even dinner was a stretch, and I regret it. Obviously.”
She blinked those big blue eyes at me that had the power to make men weak.
“I’m stressed. I don’t know why I lost it. It’s fine. I’ve made it this long only seeing him once a year for a day; I can go on with my life the same way. He’s never been around anyway. And it isn’t like he really cares or is going to lose any sleep over it. It’s just me.”
My mom just blinked some more.
I didn’t like her looking at me so much, especially not when I knew I looked like shit. “Mom, seriously put your seat belt on.”
She didn’t move. Then she said, “Jas… you know your dad loves you, don’t you?”
Where the hell had that come from?
“He doesn’t love anyone else more than you,” she kept going.
I almost snickered. Almost. But I managed just to look at her, not agreeing or disagreeing, because I didn’t want to talk about this anymore. I didn’t want to talk about him anymore.
And I didn’t want any pity. At least any more.
My mom reached forward and tapped my chin. “He was being an asshole tonight, but he loves you in his own way. Not more or less than anybody else. He’s just… wrong. Dumb. Close-minded.”
That time, I couldn’t hold back my eye roll as I leaned back against the seat. “Everyone knows Ruby is his favorite, Mom. It isn’t a big deal. I’ve always known that.”
Her frown was genuine. “Why would you think that?”
I snickered. “When was the last time he ever bought me a ticket to go see him? Every year, he gets Ruby tickets. He’s gotten Tali and Jojo tickets too a few times. But me? When?”
She opened her mouth as if to argue, but I just shook my head.
“It’s fine. It’s really fine. I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I’m okay with it all. I know he’s closed-minded, and I know he thinks he loves me in his own way. But I’m done. If he can’t accept me for who I am, I can’t force him to, and I’m not going to change my dreams for him.”
Her mouth opened slightly, just slightly, and she shook her head. “Oh, Jas….”
“I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t. Nothing is your fault. This is between him and me. We don’t need to talk about it anymore,” I said, closing my eyes and leaning back against the seat.
And we didn’t.
But I still couldn’t help but feel that sadness that somehow mixed up with determination as I sat there.
Chapter 18
“Can we talk?” my dad’s voice came from behind me.
I froze as I leaned against the boards, waiting for Ivan and Coach Lee as they argued over whether we should change a jump or not. I hadn’t cared whether we did or didn’t; I was letting them go at it. I was too tired and too emotionally wrung out—seriously… exhausted from the night before—to bother putting up a fight. So I’d been waiting there, watching them, sipping on water from a comfortable distance away.
So I hadn’t been paying attention. I hadn’t spotted my dad inside the LC, or much less him managing to sneak up behind me.
“Jasmine, please,” he pleaded quietly as I turned to blink at him over my shoulder. He was five foot seven max, with a slim, strong build that I knew I’d inherited. That dark hair, dark eyes, and skin that was a shade of olive that could have come from at least a dozen places in the world.
I looked like my dad. We shared all the same colors. The same structure.
But I got everything else from my mom… because he hadn’t been around.
“Five minutes,” he asked quietly, watching me patiently.
It had been hours since I’d seen him at the restaurant, and I knew his time in Houston was running out. Then it would be a year until I saw him again. Possibly even longer. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d come to Houston and I hadn’t seen him.
He’d never cried about it, and I had stopped long before I noticed it.
I wanted to tell him I had better things to do. I wanted to tell him to leave me alone. And maybe a few years ago, I would have done exactly that if he’d pulled some shit like he had in the restaurant, in front of Ivan and the rest of the family.
But if I’d learned anything over the last year and a half, it was the reality of how tough it was to live with your mistakes. I’d learned how hard it was to face them, and how much harder it was to own them. We all did things we regretted; we all said things we regretted, and guilt was a crushing weight on a person’s soul.
And I wanted to be better. For me. Not for anyone else.
So I nodded and said nothing.