And he’d followed me home.
We hadn’t said much to each other, and I wasn’t sure if it was just because he knew I was in my head or if he didn’t know what to think about me losing my shit. Honestly, I wasn’t sure either. The one thing I did know was that if Ivan thought I was going to be embarrassed the next day, he had to have been real fucking surprised when I wasn’t.
I could see it in his face every time he looked at me. Those crystal clear almost sky blue eyes roamed over my face every time we were in front of each other. For one tiny millisecond the first time I caught him watching me, I thought about looking away.
But I didn’t. I refused to.
Because to do that would say I was ashamed that he’d found me like that, that he’d heard and watched me damn near cry, which was almost as bad. And one of the best lessons I’d ever learned figure skating was that when you fell, you got right back up and acted like nothing had happened to begin with. You made things important, or you didn’t. And if you got up and smiled and held your head up high… you still had your dignity.
And I was going to squeeze the shit out of my dignity with both hands.
At least what was left of it.
We were friends. And sometimes friends lost their shit around each other. At least that’s what I figured.
“Take it easy and get some rest, Jasmine,” Coach Lee said as she skated toward me and gave me a serious, lingering look.
I forgot she had been the one Galina had called the night before. I only managed to nod. What else could I say or do?
“See you tomorrow bright and early,” she finished, touching her fingertips to my shoulder for a brief moment before dropping them and skating away.
Planting my hands on my hips, I kept trying to catch my breath as I looked around the ice, taking in the six other people still practicing, taking advantage of the last few minutes before the private ice time was over and it opened up for group lessons. I spotted Galina almost immediately sitting at the same spot she used to sit in when it was me and her, her chin resting on the folded hands she had on the wall. Her gaze was on the teenager going through a sequence of arm movements a few feet away.
“Am I invited to dinner tonight?” Ivan’s question came from behind me.
I blinked and turned to look at him over my shoulder. He had started off practice wearing a dark green fleece pullover, but had stripped it off about an hour ago, leaving him in fitted black sweatpants and a light gray long-sleeved shirt with patches of dark damp material along his chest and abs. Maybe I hadn’t slept well, but from the lack of bags under his eyes, he hadn’t had the same problem. His face was as clear and bright as always.
Lucky shit.
Breathing in through my nose, I pressed my lips together for a moment, and just as I was about to shrug, I nodded instead. I owed him that much. He deserved that much. “If you don’t have anything else to do,” I said, making sure my voice was nice and even.
Ivan nodded. “Not until later.”
What did he have to do later? I wondered.
“I’ll follow you home then,” he said, sounding just like he always did… without the sarcasm. “If you can manage not to drive like a psycho, that would be nice.”
And there we went.
“I drive the speed limit.”
Those thick, dark eyelashes swung over his eyes. “Is that what you call going ten over?”
I made a face. “I’ve never gotten a ticket.”
“Uh-huh.”
I rolled my eyes and just barely managed not to shoot him a dirty look. “I’ll wait for you by the front doors, sock boy.”
One corner of his mouth twitched… but he dipped his chin.
He blinked at me.
And I blinked right back at him.
Then the other corner of his mouth twitched too.
“You suck,” I said before I could stop myself.
“You suck more,” he replied before starting to skate backward. “Meet you in ten.”
I scrunched up my nose and made my way to get off the ice, getting to the opening at the wall right after Ivan. I put my skate guards on, watching him watch me as I did it, noticing out of my peripheral vision, the families beginning to show up and make their way to the stands.
But we didn’t argue. I took off and headed toward the changing rooms, not wanting to be the last one to the front doors. I’d rather wait for him than him wait for me. It would probably be a good idea to text my mom before I left just so she’d know he was coming.
I hadn’t seen her since the night before when she’d told me about her accident, and even though I wanted to talk to her about what she had implied, I didn’t know what exactly to say. I wasn’t positive what would be more effective than “I love you.”
And she deserved so much more than that.
I rounded the first corner, where Ivan would turn to head to his special room, and headed straight instead. I spotted the two teenage girls standing outside the room immediately. It was the two girls who were always nice to me. Sure enough, just as I approached the door, they turned and gave me two shy smiles.
“Hi, Jasmine,” one of them said while the other one squeaked, “Hi.”
I thought about Ivan’s words the night before and gave them both a little smile as I walked in front of them. “Hi.” My hand went to the door to push it open… and I paused, before saying, “Have a good practice.”
“Thank you!” the outgoing one basically shouted as I went in.
Just like every Saturday night, the changing room was full of teenage girls between the ages of thirteen and eighteen. They were talking so loud it made my ears hurt. I headed to my locker, casting a side glance around to see that they were all familiar faces with no names, and then I turned my back to them. It didn’t take long to open my locker and take my boots off, pull out my bag and set my skates in their protective case before taking my phone out, wiggling my toes and rolling my achy ankles as I unlocked the phone screen.
I found my mom’s name under messages and typed up a text as quickly as I could, making sure my words came out spelled correctly, while trying my best to ignore the girls’ voices.
Bringing Lukov to dinner, I sent her before dropping my phone onto the empty bench beside me.
Pulling my socks off and then my wraps, I felt my phone vibrate and picked it up. It just said OK. ;)
I wasn’t even going to touch that winky face. I set my phone back down and bent over to start going through my bag for my flip-flops when I stopped zoning the girls out for some reason and heard, “…big hands and big feet.”
“How do you know that’s true? There’s a lot of guys with big hands and big feet that don’t have bulges.”
What the fuck were these kids doing talking about bulges?
“Like who?”
“Like…” The girl talking dropped her voice to a whisper, like I still couldn’t hear her after she did it. Idiot. “Ivan Lukov. I’ve never seen anything under his costumes, if you know what I mean.”
The fuck were they bringing up Ivan for? And what were these little perverts even doing staring at his crotch? He’d been 99.99 percent naked in front of me, and I hadn’t looked at it for more than the second it took to see he had it covered.
And why the hell were they bringing up him not having one? That didn’t mean anything. Most guys taped it down, I thought. I’d asked Paul about it once, and he had just turned red and stuttered as he laughed, avoiding the question, like I didn’t know he had a penis under his clothes. Another idiot.
“His hands and his feet are huge,” another girl tried to whisper, but she was even worse at it.
“But has anyone even seen anything?” one little shit asked before giggling.
I spun around on the bench seat as fast as I could and chose my words as best as I could. “Would you stop? You all want some guys talking about your… stuff behind your backs?”
Just like that, they all stopped talking and turned a shade of red that I’d thought only Ruby was capable of.