Ivan move to Russia? He’d been born in the United States. His sister had told me the story once years ago, about how her parents had immigrated because of threats against their family because of Karina’s grandfather’s businesses. The couple hadn’t been married that long, but they didn’t want their children in danger and decided to start over, far away from one of the wealthiest men in Russia.
Once, and only once, Karina had mentioned how disappointed her grandfather had been that his gold-medal-winning grandson hadn’t competed for the country the older man had lived in his entire life. She had brought up how he had tried to bribe Ivan to move and how it hadn’t worked. Meanwhile, Karina had laughed and said she would take the money and go if he offered it to her… but he hadn’t. Because Karina wasn’t a talented athlete who could make her country proud. All she was was a smart person with a big heart who wanted to be a doctor. No big deal.
“He asks me every other year to move,” Ivan let her know, his tone unfailingly polite.
But I could tell it sounded off.
And maybe he was the last person in the world that I thought needed to be babied or protected, but if anyone knew what it was like to be forced to talk about something that you would absolutely rather not, it was me. And these people were my family. So, in a move that I wasn’t going to overthink, I decided to get them to pay attention to me even though I was more than likely going to regret it.
“We’re doing a photo shoot in a couple of days,” I dropped vaguely, already regretting trying to be nice.
It was James that asked, “For a website or the paper?”
I shoved another piece of lasagna into my mouth and waited until I’d chewed most of it before replying with, “A magazine.”
“Which magazine?” he asked. “I’ll make everyone I know buy one.”
Everyone he knew? Fuck it. What did I have to be ashamed about? Not a goddamn thing. “TSN,” I replied, referring to The Sports Network’s magazine.
It was my sister’s husband that spoke up next. “Rubes got me a subscription to it for Christmas.”
I closed my eye, reminding myself about the same fact that had gotten me to agree to do the shoot in the first place: everyone had butt cheeks. It wasn’t like they were going to make me bend over and spread them wide.
But…
“Yeah, you might want to skip the page we’ll be on,” I said to my brother-in-law, mostly because, while I didn’t care if James saw my ass—because he obviously didn’t put a lot of weight into looks since he was married to Dumbo—Aaron seeing it felt different to me. Maybe because he was straight. And really, really handsome. And I wasn’t sure how Ruby would feel about it.
And like the way that was my mom, she suspiciously asked, “Why’s that?”
I shoved some more lasagna into my mouth before telling them all the truth. “Because I’m going to be butt-ass naked, and so is Ivan.”
I saw Ivan glance at me, and I thought I might have seen a partial smile come on his face.
“For the Anatomy issue?” Aaron asked, apparently knowing exactly what it would be for.
I nodded at him before biting off another piece of garlic bread.
“That’s great, Jas,” James piped up after a second. “Do you care if I get it?”
Beside him, my brother snorted. “That pervert won’t care.”
Oh, here we went. “Just because I’m not a shy little shit, doesn’t mean I’m a pervert.” Then moving my attention to James, I added, “And no, I don’t care. The worst they’ll show is my butt….” At least that’s what I assumed. There was no way they were going to show my nipples on a magazine. Would they? I thought Coach Lee had confirmed they wouldn’t, but now I couldn’t remember for sure. I turned to Ivan and asked, “Right?”
“See how she sounds disappointed that the most they’ll show on the magazine is her booty?” Jojo asked James, making a face.
I ignored him. Everyone knew my brother, for all the things he was, was very self-conscious. He had scars from an injury back when he’d been a marine. For all I knew, he might have always been a prude, but I wasn’t sure. Mom and I thought it was cute he was so conservative, but I sure as hell would never tell him that.
Ivan made a face that told me he wanted to make a joke but was going to keep it to himself. “Do you want them to show more?” the idiot beside me asked.
I blinked at him.
“It’s pretty PG-13 from what I’ve seen,” he said. “No one other than the photographer and staff will see… everything.”
Besides him.
I wasn’t ashamed of my body at all. Maybe I wasn’t as lean as I would get closer to competition, but I’d been watching what I ate since we’d gotten into this, and I wasn’t embarrassed about what genes I’d been given. I was vain, but not that vain.
I still wasn’t sure about this idiot beside me seeing me naked regardless of the conversation we’d had weeks ago when Coach Lee had brought it up to me.
“Mom, you’re not going to tell her not to do it?” my brother asked.
“Why would I do that?” Mom raised an eyebrow as she took a sip from the giant glass of wine she had pulled out of nowhere like a magician.
“Because.” Jojo shrugged. “Your daughter is going to be naked on a magazine where millions of people can see her in her birthday suit.”
“So?” was a response that didn’t totally surprise me. Mom still wore bikinis, stretch marks and sixty-year-old skin be damned. “What’s the problem with that?”
Jojo’s dark brown eyes slid from side to side before he said, “She’s going to be naked?”
Mom’s blink made me wonder if that was what mine looked like. “Don’t you get naked?”
Jojo groaned, leaning back against his stool. “Not for millions of people to see and jerk off to!”
Something about his words clicked.
And I remembered what would be the problem with “millions of people” seeing me naked.
Shit.
Shit, shit, shit.
“Are you saying there’s something wrong with your sister’s body?”
“That’s not what I’m trying to say.”
“If it was Sebastian doing the photo shoot, would you tell me anything?” Mom asked, taking another sip or five of her wine, but I was too busy still thinking about Jojo’s comment. About the people I wouldn’t want to see me in my birthday suit.
You already said yes, I reminded myself. I had already said yes. What was I going to do? Stop living my life because of some assholes?
No. But I wanted to.
But I couldn’t. I shoved my worries aside for later. I didn’t need anyone reading my face and noticing I was worried about something I didn’t want them to know about.
Jojo sighed, then mumbled, “No.”
That had Mom winking. “Then don’t be a hypocrite or sexist. The human body is a natural thing. What she’s doing isn’t going to be sexualized… is it, Ivan?”
Ivan’s leg beneath the island hit mine, but he got out, “No, ma’am. It’s for art.”
“See? It’s for art. David is naked. The Venus de Milo is almost naked. In my younger days, I had a boyfriend that was an artist. I sat for him once or twice. Naked as the day I was born, Jojo.” She smiled. “Do you think your sister isn’t as good as Ivan? You think she doesn’t deserve—”
“Oh God. I’m sorry,” Jonathan rushed out, shaking his head, like he finally remembered who the hell he was talking to. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“Your sister is a beautiful, strong woman who has done things millions of other people can’t do. Her body is honed from thousands of hours of practice. She has nothing to be ashamed of. We all have nipples. I breastfed you and you didn’t complain then.”
About halfway through, Jojo had started shaking his head quickly like no, please no. That’s what he got.
“I’m sorry, I said I was sorry. Pretend I didn’t say anything…,” he said.
“There’s nothing to be ashamed of—”
“Mom, I said I’m sorry.”
Ivan’s leg hit mine again, but I was too busy trying not to laugh at Jojo’s facial expression to react.
My mom ignored my brother. “Breasts are natural—”
“I know, Mom. I know they are. I love and respect women. Breasts. I just don’t want them in my face—”
“They represent womanhood, beauty—”
I’m pretty sure Jojo started choking. “Mom, please—”
“It’s close-minded, sexist mentalities that think just because we have vaginas and breasts that women are the weaker sex—”
“You’re not weak. None of you are weak, I swear—”