Frogkisser!

“I see what you meant about being closed in,” said Anya. “And itchy. I guess you can’t see anything either? I mean while you’re flying along?”

“Of course you can’t, because you’re rolled up in a carpet,” said the Wizard. “Anyway. Say the carpet’s name, and ‘Prepare for flight.’ Once you’re rolled up, you say the carpet’s name again, possibly put in some sort of honorific like ‘Oh Great Carpet known as Thingummy’ and where you want to go, being as specific as possible and throwing in a few cautionary additions. For example, ‘Oh Great Carpet known as Whatsit, take us safely and carefully to the top of the hill called Dragon Hill, where the Good Wizard resides.’ Easy, really.”

“I suppose so,” said Anya dubiously as she went over the instructions in her head, hoping that she’d remember. Ardent probably would, but then he was easily distracted. “Oh, thank you for the onions too, but I shan’t need a whole big sack like that.”

“Of course you shan’t!” exclaimed the Wizard, eyeing the sack balefully. “Jeremy, what were you thinking? Empty two-thirds of them out, you can take them back to the kitchen later. Put the sack on the carpet for the princess. Who’s got the handkerchiefs? And the pint bottle?”

The pint bottle appeared from under one of the apprentices’ invisibility cloaks. Anya was pleased to see it was metal and came in a leather case with a strap, so it would be very hard to break.

The Good Wizard took the stack of handkerchiefs from another apprentice and handed them over, adding an extra handkerchief from her sleeve.

“One for you too,” she said, tapping the side of her nose.

“Oh, my cold’s all better,” said Anya. “The hot bath seemed to do the trick.”

“Take it, take it,” urged the Wizard. “They can come in very handy, handkerchiefs. Don’t get it mixed up with the others.”

Anya had been about to do just that, but now she looked at the handkerchief more closely. It was folded over, but there were marks on the inside. Something was drawn there, with writing as well. It took her a moment to recognize it must be a map.

“Put it away! Put it away! Merely a handkerchief,” said the Wizard. “Magical gifts for questers, a few onions, handkerchiefs, least I could do. Now, if I were you, I’d put that newt near your feet so he doesn’t poison you.”

“The poison only comes out when I concentrate, and you have to actually get it in your mouth,” said Shrub with considerable dignity. He thought for a moment, then added, “Or maybe up your nose or ears.”

“You can completely control it?” asked Anya. This was an interesting piece of information.

“It does come out if I get scared,” admitted Shrub. “It’s a kind of sweat, I think.”

“You might get scared flying in the carpet,” said the Wizard. “I usually do.”

She took her watch out of her sleeve, flipped it open, and stared at the strange dial for several seconds. “Come on, you need to be out of my demesne by twelve noon. Rules are rules.”

“Can I come back?” asked Anya suddenly. “I mean, to visit? I’d like to look in your library more, and maybe … maybe talk to your apprentices?”

“Only one visit per quest,” said the Good Wizard. “But if you’re not questing, an informal drop-in is always welcome. Lie down, do! Time is fleeting.”

Anya obediently lay down on the carpet, holding Denholm in his wicker cage. She looked at the frog as she settled down. He’d been uncharacteristically silent the whole time since she’d taken him out of the terrarium. She’d thought that was probably because he liked it inside the huge crystal globe that replicated a moat environment and didn’t want to leave. But now that she looked more closely, Denholm had lost some of the oily sheen on his skin, and there was a hint of gray in the yellow patch on his head.

“I hope you’re not sick,” she said worriedly. It was very inconvenient timing. She had no idea how to treat a sick frog. Besides, it could be some side effect of his transformation.

But Anya had no time to think about this as Ardent lay down alongside her legs, with Smoothie next to him. Shrub disposed himself sideways across the carpet under Anya’s feet.

“Thank you for everything,” said Anya to the Wizard.

“It’s nothing.” The Wizard smiled, looking prettier than ever. “Visitors like you make life interesting.”

“Don’t forget the Bill of Rights and Wrongs,” said Bert. “Remember, we will aid you in your Quest, if you will aid us in ours.”

“And it’s the right thing to do,” Dehlia chimed in.

“I know,” said Anya.

“And do be careful with the witches,” added the Wizard. “My predecessor is a little biased, after his own trouble with that particular witch, you know, but he’s right about their business practices in general. Be very specific with what you’re offering and what you expect to get.”

“If you need to sell another snuffbox or have need of our axes to hew sorcerers’ necks, send word,” said Erzefezonim. “Unlike the Good Wizard, we have been known to interfere directly, and perhaps that time is coming around again.”

“Thank you!” said Anya. This was no small thing. Having the Seven Dwarves by her side would not only be tremendous in itself, it would attract other potential allies.

“Right,” said the Wizard. “Everybody back! These carpets raise a serious whirlwind when they take off.”

“Do you want to say the words, or shall I?” Anya asked Ardent.

“I will,” said Ardent. “Where are we going again?”

Anya thought about that for a moment, looking up at the sky above. It was quite restful just lying on the carpet, though she did feel a little tense about what was going to happen.

“Brokenmouth Hill in the middle of the Blasted Heath, but perhaps we shouldn’t go right there,” said Anya. She was thinking about Merlin’s advice, and the Good Wizard’s. “We should ask the carpet to take us somewhere safe and hidden from view within half a league of Brokenmouth Hill.”

Ardent repeated Anya’s words, very slowly for him, without a stutter.

“Is everyone ready?” the dog asked.

“Ready!”

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