I looked past him, to the campsite, where everyone was beginning to wake up and start their day. Damon was standing shirtless outside his trailer, grilling up some type of sausage for breakfast, and Brendon kept giving Gabe the eye as he hauled acrobatic equipment out of his trailer.
Talking to him outside wouldn’t be good, but going into the motorhome, where my mom lurked a few feet away, wouldn’t really be any better.
“Mara, invite your friend in,” Mom commanded with a weary sigh. “I have business to attend to in Gideon’s trailer anyway.”
“Come in,” I said, since I didn’t have a choice. I stepped back to let him in and folded my arms over my chest.
Even though it was first thing in the morning, Mom had already put on a long, flowing dress and adorned herself in jewelry, from earrings to necklaces to half a dozen rings. Her long black hair cascaded around her in waves, and she held her hand out to Gabe.
“I’m Lyanka Beznik, Mara’s mom,” she said as she shook his hand.
“Gabe Alvarado, Mara’s friend.” His eyes flitted to me briefly. “I think.”
“Gabriel?” Mom asked, raising one eyebrow, and I sighed inwardly at my mom’s strange insistence on calling everyone by their full given name.
“Gabriel is my full name.” He glanced at me, looking caught off guard. “Most people call me Gabe, though.”
“Gabriel, then,” she repeated. She smiled thinly, then her gray eyes rested on me. “Be good.”
With that, she left us alone, standing awkwardly in the small, dingy Winnebago. I felt his eyes on me, but I wouldn’t look at him directly.
“I don’t understand.” Gabe rubbed the back of his neck. “I feel like you’re mad at me, but you’re the one that lied to me.”
I bristled. “I didn’t lie.”
“Fine. I’d categorize it as a lie by omission, but whatever. You left something out. I don’t care how you want to think of it,” he said in exasperation. “The point is that I didn’t do anything. So I don’t understand why you’re mad at me.”
“You didn’t have to do anything.” I shook my head. “I saw it in your face.”
His brow furrowed in confusion. “Saw what?”
I swallowed hard. “Contempt.”
“Contempt?” He scoffed. “Why the hell would I look at you with contempt?”
“Because.” I stepped back from him, hating the twisted pain that grew in my chest when I thought about the names I’d been called by guys who I had thought liked me, by people I’d thought were friends, and by strangers who didn’t even give me a chance.
“Because why?” Gabe pressed.
“Because that’s what they all do!” My voice was quavering, and I was practically shouting. “Once people know who I am, and they see that I’m just some poor loser traveling with a freak show, it all changes. I become like subhuman garbage to them.”
“I am sorry if anyone has ever made you feel that way, Mara, I truly am,” he said, and the softness of his expression and the hurt in his eyes made me believe he really was. “But those are just really shitty people, and I am not them.”
I shook my head, fighting back tears. “You can’t lie to me. I saw the look on your face when I told you what I really was.”
“That wasn’t contempt. It was the realization that you were leaving.” He shrugged his shoulders helplessly. “I was sad, and I was a little angry that you knew you weren’t going to be here very long, and you didn’t tell me.”
I lowered my eyes. “I didn’t think you’d care.”
“Why wouldn’t I care? I like you.” He moved closer to me. “And until last night, I thought you liked me too.”
“I like you,” I said softly. He put his hands on my waist, gently, warmly, and I lowered my arms to my sides and let him pull me closer. “But it doesn’t change anything. I’m still leaving soon.”
“So?”
I looked up at him. “So?”
“You knew you were leaving since the day you met me, and you still kissed me. And you kept seeing me. Why?”
“I don’t know.” I raised one shoulder in a lame shrug. “I just wanted to be with you.”
“Let’s just be together then, for as long as you’re here.”
I smiled despite myself. “Okay.”
“Good.” He bent down, kissing me on the mouth, and just when I put my arms around him, he abruptly stopped and stepped back. “Sorry. I just feel like your mom is gonna walk in at any moment, so I thought I should stop that before things get too heated.”
“Good call.” I laughed.
“Why don’t I take you out on a real date tonight?” Gabe suggested. “We can see something outside of the carnival. I’ll show you everything that Caudry has to offer.”
“I have work to do, but I could probably be done by six,” I said. “And I’d have to be back by eleven to help take things down.”
“So, between six and eleven tonight, you’re mine.”
23. bedouin
Gabe had been gone for all of thirty seconds before my mom came back into the Winnebago, meaning she had been waiting and watching. I’d already turned, pushing aside the beaded curtain to go into the bedroom.
“So you’re not gonna tell me what that was about?” Mom asked.