Tasha, today I knocked on the door to the hole hoping you would knock back. You didn’t. I was going to knock again, but I heard Casper coming so I had to get out of there. I wanted to shout RABBIT RABBIT because maybe that would get him to help you. Right? Wrong. Casper and Buggy just do what Ricardo tells them and Ricardo does what Ivan tells him and Ivan wants you in the hole and RABBIT RABBIT isn’t going to get you out.
It’s the end of day two and they still haven’t let you out. Two full days in the hole. Two whole days down in the darkness! Get it? Two WHOLE days? Ha-ha. Not funny. Not funny at all. It’s sick, I know. Why did I even write that? I guess ’cause I don’t know what else to do. You’re down there because of me, Tasha. It’s my fault you’re in there. I took three of your blue pills today but I still can’t get high enough to stop feeling sick about it and you. I keep praying it won’t be long now. That they’ll let you out soon. I think of you every second of every day and I pray.
Some good that’s doing.
I went to the kitchen in the basement because I was hungry. I ate a protein bar and had an apple. Believe it or not they feed us pretty well here. They want to keep us healthy so they can keep us working. Nobody wants to be another Jade so we eat what they give us, which isn’t horrible. Burritos, rice, sometimes salad. But there’s always protein bars in the kitchen. I had to hurry because I had a client, or a John, or whatever you want to call him. Who cares, right? I have lots of Johns. I have lots of clients. It means nothing. They mean nothing. My body and mind separate when it’s happening. They get off and I get lost. That’s how it works. They come from all over, these men. They aren’t all Baltimore local, I can tell you that for sure. I think most of them find us through the Internet, but what do I know.
Casper came into the kitchen to escort me to my room. I was ready to go with him when Martina—I think it was Martina—yelled out RABBIT RABBIT and Casper went to her, leaving me alone in the kitchen for a while. I looked around and saw nobody was coming. Casper was dealing with some guy who got a little rough with a girl and now he was feeling what it felt like to piss off Casper. I took the knife I used to the cut the apple and hid it under my dress (a dress Ricardo bought me when I thought he loved me). I pinned the knife to my thigh by slipping it into the band of my underwear, then I tried to walk normally, but I’m sure I had a little limp. I told Casper I was going to my room. I’m a good girl who can go there all by herself. He’s said he’d be right there. The man he was beating up begged him to stop. I got to my bed and waited.
Eventually Casper showed up and my “John” did too.
This guy was married. He had a ring. He looked soft, like a dad who worked in my dad’s office. Soft, not hard like the Baltimore boys who came down here on occasion. He may have had a daughter my age. Did he think of that while he was on top of me? Anyway, he did what the guys do, which is to make noises while they grabbed me and kissed me and whatever. I didn’t let him touch my thigh though. I kept turning my body at just the right time. Turning so he wouldn’t find the knife. I waited until his pants were off before I took out the knife. I didn’t waste any time. I put it right to this guy’s throat and told him to give me his phone. Me! Doing that! Imagine! I was shaking inside, but I tried to sound tough. GIVE ME YOUR PHONE A-Hole! I think that’s what I said, A-hole, but what do I remember? I was too freaked out just holding a knife to some guy’s throat. I didn’t know I had it in me, but I got my inner Olivia Pope on (or maybe I was channeling Emily Thorne, or hell even Ricardo). Anyway, I was tough enough to make him scared.