I turned away from the drone’s video window and chuckled as I picked up my coffee. Marvin, who had been watching over my shoulder, gave me a strange look, but I didn’t feel the need to explain. Hell, he should be able to remember Original Bob going hunting with Dad, way back when. I shrugged at him without comment. Work it out, dude.
Marvin rolled his eyes and returned to the La-Z-Boy that he always materialized when he was visiting my VR. I spared a moment to let Jeeves refresh my coffee. As in every virtual reality space that implemented the Jeeves A.I., he resembled John Cleese in tux and tails.
As I took a sip—perfect, as always—I looked around the library from my seat in one of the antique wingback chairs. Floor-to-ceiling bookshelves, a large, old-fashioned fireplace, and tall, narrow windows through which a perpetual late-afternoon sun shone to illuminate the interior. And like a giant shiny black eye, one red corduroy La-Z-Boy, occupied by a clone of yours truly.
All in VR, of course. Physically, Marvin and I were a couple of glowing opto-electronic cubes, installed in the two spaceships currently orbiting Delta Eridani 4. But we had been human once, and our VR environments kept us sane.
Spike wandered over, jumped up onto Marvin’s lap, and began to purr. The cat’s A.I. was realistic, right down to the total lack of loyalty. I gave a small snort of amusement and turned back to the video window.
The hunters had finished field-dressing their kill. The pigoid didn’t really look like a wild boar. It was probably closer to a bear in general outline, but it filled the same ecological niche as a boar, complete with the same sunny disposition and affectionate behavior.
Hunting them wasn’t a one-sided proposition by any means. The Deltans took a chance on every pigoid hunt. The pigoid usually lost, but it sometimes managed to take down one or two of the hunters. The recent addition of flint tips to the spears was changing the game, though. Yeah, I know. Prime Directive, blah, blah. Pfft. This wasn’t Star Trek, despite Riker’s choice of name and VR theme.
The Deltans trussed their prize to a couple of spears, and four of them hoisted the ends of the spears to their shoulders. Mike beckoned with a gesture, and I maneuvered the drone over to float along beside him. Two others put their arms around Fred and helped him to his feet. His leg hadn’t quite stopped bleeding, and he showed a pronounced limp, but he’d make it back to the village.
We marched triumphantly towards the Deltans’ home, a couple of the hunters singing a victory chant. The others traded good-natured jokes and insults as they compared notes. I never ceased to be amazed at how very similar in behavior the Deltans were to humans. It made me feel nostalgic, occasionally, for genuine human contact.
We soon arrived at the village, greeted by laughter and celebration. A pigoid kill was always a happy event—the hexghi would have a feast tonight, and would eat well for a week. Hexghi translated as something like families of our fire. Of course, it flowed a lot better in Deltan. This hunting group was part of Archimedes’ hexghi, which I’d more or less adopted as family.
Fred was helped over to his family’s spot, where his mate proceeded to fuss over him. One of the hunters hurried off to get the medicine woman, Cruella. I sighed and prepared myself for yet another argument with her.
The messenger returned moments later with Cruella and her apprentice in tow. Cruella bent down to examine the wound, and I brought the drone in close. Too close, I guess. Cruella straight-armed the drone and it shot back several feet before the AMI controller was able to stabilize it. The other Deltans stepped back in shock, and one looked like he was going to either flee or faint. The drone was small, and really not hard to push around. But still, y’know, sky god.
I’d long since learned that the medicine woman feared no one and nothing. And she wasn’t particularly good at taking advice, either. I gritted my teeth in frustration, wondering if this time Cruella would pay attention to anything that I’d told her.
Fred apparently was having the same thought. “This would be a good time to try Bawbe’s hot-water thing,” he said to her.
Cruella glared at him, then at my drone. “Maybe he can just dress the wound as well, since you don’t seem to need me.”
“Oh, by the balls of my ancestors, Cruella,” Mike said. “Try something new, just once. Bawbe hasn’t steered us wrong yet.”
Cruella snarled at him. Within moments, the hunters and Cruella had faced off in a yelling match. The hunters were my biggest supporters. Flint tips, spear straighteners, and hand axes were only a few of the improvements that I’d brought to their lives. They, at least, trusted that I had the Deltans’ best interests at heart.
Finally, Cruella threw her hands in the air and barked, “Fine! We’ll do it your way. And if your leg falls, off, don’t come whining to me.”
She turned to her apprentice and snarled an order. The apprentice flattened her ears and ran off.
Minutes later she was back, carrying a bladder and a soft leather skin. Cruella pointed to the bladder and said, “Freshly boiled water.” She held up the soft piece of scraped skin and said, “Washed in boiling water.” Then she glared right into the drone’s camera. “Now stay out of my way.”
I watched in pleased surprise as she took the time to clean the wound with the piece of hide, using the freshly boiled water. This was progress. Granted, the hunters helped a lot by putting their collective foot down; but if Cruella got into the habit, incidents of infection would drop dramatically.
I bobbed the drone once in acknowledgement, then sent it off to station-keeping at the perimeter of the village. I returned to my VR once again, sat back, and closed the drone’s video window. The change in procedure by the medicine woman was a major victory, and I was happy to get out of her way in return. It would allow her to save face, and she wouldn’t feel the need to dig in her heels next time.
I’d miss the rest of the celebration, but the pigoid’s ultimate fate was a matter of routine, and well-documented. And probably delicious. I thought of ribs in barbeque sauce and my mouth watered. I didn’t need food any more, being a computer and all, but I could do anything I wanted in VR. And if you’re going to program in a coffee simulation, you might as well program in barbequed ribs.