“We’ll have to check if she’s bleeding,” Naomi said as we reached the steps of Carolyn’s small house. “If she has a placental separation, I can’t help her here. She needs a hospital, and I’ll insist she goes there.”
I’d had nightmares about hospitals after Georgia’s birth, but I couldn’t imagine taking the risk of delivering at home after that. I’d wanted even more medical intervention, not less.
“Linda, are you with me?” asked Naomi at the door of the house.
“I’m with you,” I said, trying to infuse my voice with certainty I did not feel. I did not understand the women here, though I kept trying to.
Naomi opened the door and because it was the one thing I’d always relied on in uncertainty, I whispered a prayer:
Heavenly Father, please let Carolyn and the baby live. She has suffered too much already. Everyone here has.
My lips felt numb and I had none of my normal sense of confirmation that God had heard the prayer.
Heavenly Mother, I said in my mind, redirecting my prayer to the half of the godhead I thought might listen to me more right now, even if it was highly unorthodox. You know what it’s like to give birth. You know how a mother feels about an unborn child. Please, give us all the strength to make it through this day, whatever it brings. Let us bring solace and joy to each other as women. Amen.
It wasn’t the prayer I’d intended to say, but it was the one that had come to me. I felt comfort, but also a sense of foreboding. I thought of Joanna, who thought she could see the future. I wondered what warnings she’d be giving me right now if she were here.
Chapter 26
Without knocking, Naomi opened the bedroom door and we saw Carolyn leaning over the bed. Naomi looked at me and I could see the fear in her eyes immediately. As for Carolyn, her face was gray, and there was a pool of fluid on the carpet beneath her. I saw the pink-tinged smear staining her temple garments, which she still wore despite the circumstances. How she had gotten them as a polygamist, however sympathetic her bishop was, I could only guess at. You were supposed to have a temple recommend to purchase them from the Distribution Center and these didn’t seem homemade to me.
It was stupid for me to focus on such things, but it was the only way I could manage to not start crying immediately as I felt a wave of emotion flood my senses. Childbirth should be a holy time, but to me, it was always a time of sorrow combined with terror at my own lack of power over the universe.
Naomi crouched next to Carolyn, trying to help her pant through the next contraction.
After all my attempts to steel myself, my knees buckled and I ended up leaning on the bed next to Carolyn. But Carolyn deserved my help, and by God, I was going to give it to her as much as I could manage. If I had no strength to stand, at least I could find the strength to speak.
So I looked into Carolyn’s brown eyes, took her hand in mine, and said, “You are strong, Carolyn. You can do this.”
Carolyn took a deep breath as the contraction subsided. “It’s too early,” she whispered to Naomi, who was palpating the outside of Carolyn’s unmoving abdomen. “I’m not due for eight more weeks. Will the baby be all right?”
I could see Naomi hesitate, then make the decision. She met Carolyn’s eyes squarely, pasted a reassuring smile on her face and said, “Yes, everything’s fine. The baby’s fine for now. You just need to concentrate on getting through the contractions.”
“You’re sure?” Carolyn said.
“Of course I’m sure.” Naomi reached over and rubbed Carolyn’s back.
Carolyn looked at me for confirmation and I didn’t know what to say. My mouth went dry and I thought about the doctor in that horrible hospital room telling me rather bluntly that my baby had already died. I had been in pain from labor and couldn’t help thinking that maybe he could have let me hope for just a few hours longer, to get through the delivery. But I didn’t really know for sure that there was no hope here, as there had been none for me. Just because Naomi was worried didn’t mean the baby was dead, did it?
“Everything will be all right,” I told her, my voice wobbling as I spoke.
After that, Naomi helped Carolyn back onto the bed.
“I’ve always labored leaning over the bed like that before,” Carolyn murmured.
“Well, we don’t want to speed things up at the moment,” Naomi said, and I had no idea if this was the truth or not. “The baby is early and your body isn’t quite prepared.”
Another contraction came and went as Carolyn tried to pant through it. “It’s coming soon no matter what position I’m in, I think,” she said.