The weight of the bag dug into Blair’s shoulder, but it would all be worth it. The club had come into view at last. Now all that remained were a few well-timed DMs. Some might say that was a step too far, but Blair couldn’t see a way around it. All’s fair in love and war, right? None of it would matter in the end. True love would prevail, and a few bumps and scrapes along the way would soon be mended.
The time had come to put all the careful planning into action. Blair broke into a gleeful smile at the thought. Tonight would mean redemption. After the months and months of waiting, things would finally be set right. Two lovers would stand face-to-face, just like the day they first met. Only this time, the eyes looking back wouldn’t be blinded by concert lights. This time, those beautiful eyes would see the truth.
But first, Blair needed to clear the field of any inconvenient distractions. This Twitter infatuation had gone on long enough. How had it even started in the first place? How could someone be so misguided? How could you have your soul mate staring you in the face and look away? Turn to someone else, someone so thoroughly undeserving, who could only cause you heartache in the end?
Blair had been over it a million times in the intervening months, and only one answer made any sense. It was a lot like taking a photo, really. Happened all the time, especially with less experienced photographers. Sometimes the subject looked directly at the flash and wound up blinking in the shot. That must have been what happened. A mistake that only lasted for an instant. Eventually, the eyes reopened and the vision cleared.
Tonight it would all be corrected. Blair would make sure of that.
And the other one? The interloper? A mistimed flashbulb. Nothing more. It was unfortunate, of course, but there wasn’t any choice. Tonight that light would have to be extinguished, once and for all.
22
L-O-V-E
“Wait. Stop. Turn around. I want to go back home.”
Tessa whispered the words, and Dr. Regan darted a glance in her direction from behind the wheel of the car.
“You’re doing wonderfully, Tessa. We’re almost there now. Remember your breathing.”
Tessa nodded. She made an O with her lips and sucked the air deep into her lungs. She’d felt relatively relaxed earlier, getting ready, but that disconcerting DM exchange with MET had thrown her into turmoil.
It was no use. All the breathing exercises in the world couldn’t quiet the chaos going on inside her head. “It isn’t working,” she said. Her voice sounded high and tight to her own ears.
“Don’t give in to the anxiety,” Dr. Regan responded calmly. They reached the highway entrance ramp, and Tessa felt the car’s acceleration as her therapist pressed down on the gas. “Think about your other tools.”
What else? Tessa cast about in her mind for the other relaxation techniques that Dr. Regan had taught her. Meditation? Biofeedback? Yoga?
“Make a list?” she asked aloud.
Her therapist rewarded her with a nod. “Very good, Tessa. Sometimes, just seeing your worries written out can make them feel less insurmountable.”
Tessa didn’t have any paper, but at least she had her phone. She opened up her Notes app and started to write.
Worries:
I’m not inside my house
I’m 10 minutes away from my house
I’m going to be 20 minutes away from my house
I’m going to a concert
There’s a chance it could be crowded
Eric Thorn is going to see me
I’m going to meet Taylor
Tessa stopped, her finger shaking too badly to continue. Maybe she just needed to concentrate on the last one. That was the heart of it, the thought that made her more anxious than all the others and the reason she knew she had to go.
She was going to meet Taylor.
She couldn’t back out. Not now. Not after what he’d said to her last night. Maybe she just needed to remind herself exactly how he phrased it.
Tessa opened Twitter and scrolled backward, searching through the thread: Time Stamp 12/30/16, 11:23 p.m.
Tessa H: Taylor, I’m scared. I’m not sure I can go through with it.
Taylor: OK, don’t freak out. Just talk to me. Tell me why.
Tessa H: Agoraphobia?
Taylor: I know, I know. But, Tessa, I still don’t know what triggered it.
Tessa H: I can’t.
Taylor: Tessa, what happened to you last summer?
Tessa H: I should probably say good night now.
Taylor: No, no, wait. Forget I asked. Talk to me about something else. It doesn’t have to be that. Just keep talking to me right now.
Tessa H: I’m not really in the mood.
Taylor: Will you dance with me tomorrow?
Tessa H: Maybe. I don’t know. Which song?
Taylor: You tell me. What songs are you hoping Eric will play?
Tessa couldn’t help but smile at his transparent attempt to distract her. It was funny, really. Taylor still didn’t fully understand why she’d agreed to meet him tonight. He thought it had to do with Eric Thorn—that the prospect of seeing her idol in person was enough to lure her out of her house. Not that she didn’t love Eric. She did, in a way. But she didn’t love him. She knew the difference between fantasy and reality.
Eric Thorn was just a fantasy. But Taylor… He was real.
Tessa flicked her eyes sideways to take in the passing landscape. It was after nightfall now. The sun had sunk below the bank of thick clouds at the horizon. Dr. Regan clicked on the SUV’s headlights to illuminate the road. A sign came into view in front of them: Exit 54.
The last chance to turn around before they came upon their final destination.
It wasn’t too late. The wheels were in motion, but Tessa could still bring the whole thing to a screeching halt. She could go back home. Unfollow Taylor. Deactivate the account. She could disappear on him without a trace. That would probably be the safest thing to do.
But could she? Could she really live the rest of her life never even knowing his last name? After everything he’d said to her last night?
She lowered her gaze to her phone and resumed where she’d left off.
Tessa H: As long as he does “Snowflake,” I’ll be happy.
Taylor: The new single? Do you like it?
Tessa H: Are you kidding? I’m obsessed with that song. You know he’s never used the L-word in a song before.
Taylor: Is that really true?
Tessa H: I just want to see the look on his face when he sings it. That’s all.
Taylor: Me too.
Tessa H: You do? I thought he was a douche nozzle. What happened to #EricThornSucks?
Taylor: I want to see the look on your face when you see the look on his face.
Tessa H: I don’t know. It might make me sad. If it looks like he’s really, truly in love…
Taylor: What? You’d be jealous?
Tessa H: Not jealous exactly. It’s more complicated than that. I guess I just wish someone would write a song like that about me.
Taylor: Goddammit, Tessa.
Tessa H: What?
Taylor: Tessa……
Tessa H: What?? Now you’re scaring me again.
Taylor: I really want to tell you something right now.
Tessa H: What????? Is there something you’re not telling me?
Tessa felt her pulse quicken yet again as she reread it. She remembered the way her breath had caught in her chest last night as the moment dragged on and on. She’d felt so certain that all her fears were justified. He’d been hiding something all along, and he was about to make a confession.