“What will you do?” she asks, her smile dropping a little.
“I’m not sure... I haven’t really figured that out yet. Maybe I’ll get another job, maybe I’ll use the money I’ve saved to travel somewhere—finally get out of California for more than just a day. But I want the time to decide, to figure out who I am and what I want.” It’s strange to be so honest with her—to admit to something like this. But it feels like I could tell her anything in this moment.
I wait for her to respond. She’s silent for a moment, and then she squeezes my hand, her eyes glimmering. “I used to dream of going to Europe...before I was pregnant with your mom. But I never had the chance.”
“This is my chance,” I tell her.
The bed squeaks beneath us as she shifts to look at me. “Okay,” she says.
“Okay?”
“Take a year—do all the things I couldn’t do.”
“Are you serious?”
She nods and pulls me into a hug. I feel the tears dampening my shirt before I even realize she’s crying. “Thank you,” I say, and I mean it. I’ve never been more grateful for anything in my life.
TWENTY-FIVE
Six months later
IT’S LATE SEPTEMBER AND I find myself back in LA. It’s Mia’s birthday, and at my grandma’s urging, I flew home for the party. The roar and heat of the city is both familiar and overwhelming.
After graduation last June, I left. I used the money I had saved from working at the Bloom Room and I bought a one-way plane ticket to Europe. It’s been three months since I’ve been home—three months that have flown by.
Now Carlos is stretched out across my bed in my room at Grandma’s, twisting one of my hair ties around his fingers. “I can’t believe you’ve been hoofing it around Europe all on your own,” he says, watching me as I pull open my suitcase and make a pile of dirty clothes I need to wash while I’m here.
“It wasn’t as daring as you make it sound,” I assure him. “I was on a bus most of the time, usually with other tourist groups.”
“Yeah, but you stayed in hostels and probably ate baguettes with cheese straight out of a paper bag.”
“I did,” I say, tone serious. “You know me. Such a rebel.” We both laugh.
“And you’re going back so soon?” he asks.
I nod and look up from my laundry. “I found a part-time job at a little flower shop, and an adorable, cheap room to rent in Vernazza. It’s right on the coast. It’s so beautiful, Carlos. You should come visit me.”
Carlos sighs. “I’ll try. How long will you be there?”
“Only through the winter, maybe a little longer. Then I’ll be back home to work for Holly and save up more money, and start at Stanford next fall,” I say, looking up at him. “But I definitely want to do a little more traveling to photograph as much as I can.”
It started out like it would for anyone else traveling: just a way to document what I saw, so I could remember everything when I came back. But it’s become more than that. Seeing the world through the camera has made me look at things differently.
“So you’re living in Italy now and you’re a photographer?” Carlos raises one eyebrow at me. “Every time I think I’ve figured out who the real you is, I’m totally wrong.”
I collapse onto the bed next to him. “You and me both.” Despite our words, nothing has changed in our friendship. It feels good to be with someone I know so well after being away. I snuggle in next to him.
Carlos touches my wrist, lifting my hand into the air. “No more triangle?”
I run my fingers over the place on my skin where I used to draw the symbol. Now my skin is clear and tan, not even a remnant of ink left behind. I used to do it almost religiously, drawing it over and over, thinking the triangle would protect me. “I guess I don’t need it anymore.”
“Guess not.” He squeezes my hand, then sets it back on the bed before he hops up.
Carlos grabs his book bag, sliding into his loafers. “When is Mia’s big party?”
“Today at four.” I had decorated the house all morning, blowing up balloons and pinning streamers across the doorways while Grandma baked the cake. Mia and Grandma seem different—happier. Mia’s gone back to school part-time and Grandma is actually dating someone, a guy named Paul. I’ll get to meet him tonight at Mia’s party. Everything’s changed...not just me.
“I’ll be back later for the festivities,” Carlos says, then lets himself out. I pull on my boots and leave a few minutes later. There’s someone I need to see, too.