“One, two…” Sear.
I don’t scream. I can’t. I haven’t the use of my tongue. I want to kick my legs, stamp my feet, and wave my arms, but I’m restrained and can do nothing. I can just feel my body push against the restraints and hear a sound that I don’t realize until a moment later is coming from me. It is worse than a scream, it is an animal, guttural sound, a groan, a grunt, something so deep inside me, a pain that I have never experienced nor heard before. One I never want to hear again, but I will, over and over in my nightmares.
“Repent, Celestine!” Crevan shouts at me.
I’m unable to get the word out as my tongue is numb and feels swollen and oversized, but I can see that he is distressed now. He is not getting his way. I’m not following his plan. It was for me to say sorry and the branding would stop. I will never say sorry to him.
“Judge Crevan, we must get her to the ward. Her wounds need medical attention,” Tina says, urgency in her voice. “We have never gone on for so long. We must see to her quickly.”
I feel the strap around my head release, and I am able to lift my head from the headrest and look at him directly now.
“Repent!” he shouts at me, louder again.
I shake my head violently. I’ve come this far. It’s finished. I’ll never tell him I’m sorry even if right now it is the thing I am feeling most.
They free my hands and my ankles. They are moving quickly now, wanting to remove me, and probably themselves, from this situation. They start to help me up, Tina on one side, June on the other. Bark begins to clean and tidy away the equipment. They can’t wait to get me out of here. I can’t walk, my foot is completely numb and my legs are shaking so badly. A wheelchair has been placed beside me.
“Brand her spine,” Judge Crevan says suddenly, chillingly.
Bark turns to face him slowly. “Pardon, sir?”
Tina and June freeze, look at each other wide-eyed.
“You heard me.”
“Sir, she’s just a child,” Tina whispers, and I can hear the shake in her voice and sense the tears about to come.
“Do it.”
“Sir, we have never seared a spine before,” Bark says nervously.
“Because we have never seen anyone so Flawed to their very backbone like this lady. Brand. Her. Spine.”
“I can’t do it, sir. I’m afraid I’ll have to check first with the—”
“I am the head of the Guild, and you will do what I say or you will find yourself in my courtroom first thing in the morning. Are you aiding a Flawed?”
Bark freezes.
“Are you?”
“No. No, sir.”
“Then get to it. Brand her spine.”
“But we don’t have any more anesthetic.”
“Do it without.”
“Sir, the law states—”
“I am the law. Do it!” he yells. “By order of the Guild!”
“No!” I protest, but it doesn’t come out like that. My tongue has swollen in my mouth, from injury and numbness. I can taste blood, feel it rolling down my throat. I start coughing. All I can do is whine, but I don’t like the sound I make, so I stop. I see the evil in his eyes, the enjoyment he is getting from this. I won’t let him get any further satisfaction.
It is going to happen, and I must be prepared. I must ignore the madness and the pandemonium that have just occurred in the viewing room, the injustice that is happening in the chamber right now. I must block out the fears I have for what is happening to my family now and find stillness within myself.
Tina and Bark open the ties at the back of my robe.
“Oh dear girl, I am so sorry,” June says, taking hold of my shoulder. “Oh dear God.”
“Stop talking,” Judge Crevan snaps.
Tina takes my unseared left hand in hers tenderly, then holds on for dear life, with her back to Judge Crevan so that he can’t see the tears streaming down her face.
Bark comes toward me with the red-hot poker, looking uncertain.
“Do it,” Judge Crevan says again, then watches me. “Any time you want them to stop, all you have to do is say you’re sorry.”
“She can’t speak, Judge,” Tina says through her tears. “How can she stop it?”
“She can stop it if she wants to,” he says slowly, quietly.