“Hello, Janey.” It was Anna, head of customer service at B. “How have you been?” she asked coolly.
Janey always liked Anna. She’d hired her away from Bergdorf five years ago when B began getting complaints from customers about their shrinking sizes. Anna had created a system to deftly deflect customer concerns that they would never be able to fit into a B gown. They forged a partnership with concierge trainers and nutritionists who promised to shrink a bride to accommodate the dress. When that didn’t work, staff would recommend other wedding dress companies, ones that carried a wider array of sizes. In hindsight Janey was disgusted that this made B even more popular. Headlines at the time read B DRESSES CAN AFFORD TO TURN AWAY CUSTOMERS. Their sales doubled the next year.
But Anna had recently grown frustrated with her job. About six months before the breakfast that imploded Janey’s life, Beau had renamed the Customer Service department the Customer Delight department and made Anna the vice president of delight. He changed it on the website and on her business cards. He was convinced that it was the most innovative decision he’d ever made for the company…ever. It was the only decision he’d made for the company that year.
“It’s not a title,” she’d complained. “It’s made up and I’ll never get another job.”
Janey had promised to get it changed back, but she’d been gearing up for two Hollywood weddings and hadn’t gotten around to it.
“Anna, I’m so sorry I didn’t change that title for you. It was a crazy couple quarters.” The woman nodded and looked down at Janey. Anna felt like a stranger now. Wasn’t it weird that when you worked with someone every day she began to feel like family? Even when you couldn’t stand her there was a sense of intimacy. You knew things about her that her friends didn’t. You watched her chew salad with her mouth open at her desk or pick her nose when she thought no one was looking. She irritated you when she typed too loudly or left her coffee mug in the sink without rinsing it, but you let it go in the name of workplace camaraderie. But then you left the job and poof, she was gone. Out of sight, out of mind.
“You don’t look fat at all. I can’t believe Beau said what he said to you.” Anna pointedly stared at Janey’s midsection, which was cloaked by a baggy fisherman’s sweater she’d obtained during a work trip with Beau to Dublin a few years earlier.
“Thanks, Anna. That’s nice of you to say.”
“So what’s next for you?” Anna looked away for a moment to shout at a little blond girl with an upturned nose and pronounced cheekbones wearing a light blue princess dress. “Honey, honey…don’t let that piglet lick you on the mouth. Are you kidding me? Okay. No piggy kisses.” Ivy waved at the woman and snatched the swine from the child. Anna turned back to Janey.
“I want to strangle whichever mom started this birthday party petting zoo trend. No. You know what? I’ll bet it was the gay dads. Those fucking guys.” Anna poured herself a mason jar of artisanal vodka, not bothering with the juice. “So Beau has that intern, the one with the spindly legs, taking all his meetings with him, and he’s getting weirder by the day. I don’t think he’s eating food at all. I see him nibbling on pieces of Swiss chard every once in a while, but other than that I haven’t seen him put anything in his mouth. It probably wasn’t the best time for you to leave.”
“For me to leave?” Janey said. She hadn’t left. She was told not to come into her office.
“Beau told us you weren’t coming back.”
Janey let the words linger in the air as her stomach began to clench in anger. Without thinking, Janey got defensive.
“I’m coming back, Anna. I just took some time off.”
The woman’s expression changed, softened. The anger disappeared and was replaced with something new. Was it pity?
Ivy returned, slightly out of breath, to top off her cocktail.
“Thanks for taking that pig away from my daughter,” Anna said gratefully, lifting her empty glass.
“Is that your daughter? With the sparkly dress? She’s so cute. She looks like a little Joan Rivers,” Ivy said.
“Excuse me?” Anna replied, clearly offended.
“Like a little Joan Rivers with her funny little face,” Ivy, who was clearly a little drunk, said without a trace of malice.
“I can’t believe you just compared my toddler to Joan Rivers.”
“Joan was a great comedienne and outstanding American. Don’t speak ill of the dead,” Ivy slurred before she bounced from her heels onto her toes and cantered to the bouncy castle.
“Do you know her?” Anna asked. “Are her kids in school with mine?”
“No clue who she is.” Janey shook her head. “Your daughter looks like a little Kate Winslet.”
“She does, doesn’t she.” Anna glowed with pride.
“So tell me more about what’s happening at B.” She owned half that company—well, almost half that company. She was going to get it back.
“I’ll be back in a few weeks,” she pressed on. “Beau, as usual, doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about.” Janey had the beginnings of a plan. “In the meantime, how about you keeping me updated on what’s happening at B? Between us, of course. I want to be ready to hit the ground running the day I get back, and I don’t want to play catch-up. I’ve just been working on this top-secret new line…in Shanghai.” Janey finally felt like her old self again.
Anna appeared relieved and confused at once. When it came to choosing sides, it was clear she wasn’t on Beau’s. The woman would help her out.
“I’ll tell you anything you need to know. I’m the vice president of delight, remember? Let me know how I can delight you.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Vice.com
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