“Why are you pushing me away?”
“Em…” He hesitates. “This is something that I have no control over. It is bigger than you and I.”
I screw up my face in pain and he pulls me into an embrace. “I don’t understand,” I whisper into his shoulder.
“If I could change it, I would.”
I pull back to look at his face. “Are you sick?”
He shakes his head sadly. “No.”
My eyes search his for a much needed answer.
He takes me into his arms and holds me tight. I feel like I’m breaking. What’s wrong with him?
“Go home, my love. Please. Go home,” he whispers into my hair.
I pull back and shake my head as my anger gets the better of me. “No!” I yell. “I’m not leaving you here like this.” Something is seriously wrong with him. He just seems so sad.
“It’s for your own protection. I need to protect you. Go!” he yells.
“Protect me?” I step back. What does that even mean? “You wont me hurt me, I know that,” I whisper.
He shakes his head angrily as he pulls out of my grip. “I have no control over this. If I did, I would be by your side.” He walks over and sits on the lounger and puts his head into his hands in despair.
I stand still on the spot as I watch him looking broken on his lounger. I don’t know what’s going on with him, but I do know that he needs me here tonight and I’m not leaving him like this. Something is wrong.
I’m pulling out all stops. “Thomas told me you are hopelessly in love with me.”
His eyes snap up and he screws up his face. “What?” He didn’t.”
I nod. “Yes, he did. Just half an hour ago.”
He stands angrily. “Where did you see him?”
“At the Rose. He’s blind drunk.”
He narrows his eyes. “Well, he’s wrong. I don’t.”
My heart drops hearing him say it out loud. My bottom lip starts to quiver as I stare at him through blurry eyes.
Empathy hits him and he rushes to me and holds me in an embrace, whispering into my hair. “My beautiful Emmaline. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I do love you, baby. Don’t cry,” he whispers. “I can’t stand to see you cry.”
My eyes search his. “We can make this work. Whatever it is… we can deal with it together,” I promise him.
He holds me tight but doesn’t say anything.
I gently kiss his chest and then with controlled strength he pushes me off him. “No. I said no.”
My anger erupts. “You just said that you loved me!”
“I do. But it changes nothing. Leave now!”
I fold my arms defiantly. What the actual fuck is going on here? He’s talking in riddles and my anger starts to simmer dangerously close to the surface. “I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what the fuck is going on.”
He narrows his eyes and storms out of the room. I hear him march upstairs and then the doors bang open and shut.
What do I do? Do I follow him? This man is messing with my head. I start to pace in the living room when he storms back in, fully dressed with a set of keys in his hand. He locks the door that goes down to the cellar. Huh? What is he doing?
“What’s down there that you don’t want me to see?” I frown.
“My photography equipment,” he snaps.
“You are home! You locked that from me.” He is hiding something. What has he got down there?
“I locked it because I’m going out.”
“I’m not leaving until you talk to me, Alastar!”
“Fine!” he yells.
He picks his keys up from the table and storms out the front door, slamming it shut behind him.
My eyes stay glued to the back of the door that he just left through. I am shocked to my core.
I rush to the window to see him get into his car and speed down the street in first gear, leaving me with my heart hammering in my chest. I can’t believe this.
He left me alone in his house and drove away. I slide down the wall to sit on the floor in the silence, unable to hold the sobs in a minute longer.
Then, I begin to howl.
* * *
I sit on my window seat and sketch in my drawing pad using a lead pencil. It’s late at night and the city lights twinkle away below. Every now and then I find myself just staring into space… thinking of him. Remembering our beautiful time together. If I was with him now we would be naked, lying by the open fire in each other’s arms, talking about our day, and I smile at the thought.
Then reality hits home. He’s probably in someone else’s arms right now in front of the very same fire we made love in front of.
Well played, Alastar. Well played.
You seduced me with your body, captivated me with your personality, and made me fall in love with your soul.
I have no one to blame but myself. If I had been more experienced with men, I would have seen it coming. I smile sadly to myself. I did see this coming, but, like a Tsunami, I couldn’t stop it. He was just too beautiful.
I’ve been thinking a lot about Liam and our relationship since the demise of my relationship with Alastar.
Karma… that’s what this is.