“I know,” he replies sadly.
“I had the wildest, craziest night of my life with this gorgeous stranger and it wasn’t sleazy or cheap. I felt cared for and cherished.”
“You were.” He picks up my hand again and smiles softly.
“And then you lied.”
He stares at me.
“I don’t want a boyfriend that lies. I don’t even want a boyfriend. I spent a long time trying to find myself and now that I have found her… I’m keeping her.”
Confusion crosses his face.
“I want a friend. One that I know cares for me and wont lie to me.”
“You want friends with benefits?” He frowns in shock.
I shake my head. “I don’t even know what I want, but I know it isn’t putting all my eggs into one basket, giving you or anyone else the ability to make me feel like I did this last week.”
“How did I make you feel?”
I swallow the lump in my throat. “Like I’m insignificant,” I whisper.
His eyes hold mine, his thumbs brushing over the back of my hand as he thinks. “How could you ever think that?”
I shrug.
“I don’t want you with anyone else,” he whispers.
I sit back. “You just told me that you can’t commit to anything.”
“I know.” He frowns.
“What exactly are you saying?” I ask.
He shrugs. “I’m going away in six weeks and probably won’t be back before you leave.”
“And?”
“I just didn’t want things to get messy between us.”
I smirk. “So, you thought being an ass was easier?”
He nods once. I pick up my coffee and sip it. I don’t know even what to say to that. Yes, I do: Coward.
He stares into space as if contemplating something. “Tell me your idea of friends with benefits?”
I smirk. “I don’t know. I have never had it, to be honest.” I think for a moment. “In a perfect world I would have a friendship and a connection with someone without there being any expectations.”
He frowns. “Like what?”
I shrug and smile as I sip my coffee. “Like...” I hesitate. “I would see them two or three times a week and we would care for each other but not fall in love.”
His elbow is resting on the table, and he leans his cheek on his hand, a trace of a smile crossing his face at my romantic dream.
“And then when it ended, when I went home to Australia, we would both marry other people.”
He watches me intently.
“Then in twenty years I could look back and say I had this beautiful friendship with a man in London back in the day, and it would be a happy memory. Something that was dear and special to me.”
He smiles softly. “That does sound nice.”
I smile and pick up his free hand from the table. “Thank you for coming and seeing me. You are right, I do feel better.”
His eyes hold mine and I know he wants to say something.
“You are not as much of an ass as I first thought.” I smirk.
“Could you sleep with me four or five times a week and not fall in love with me?” he asks suddenly.
I laugh. “You are so conceited, and I said two or three times, not four or five.”
“Rounding up.” He smiles, but I know he’s dead serious.
I pick up his hand and kiss the back of it. “The question is, Alastar, could you do it without falling in love with me?”
His eyes hold mine and I melt into them a little.
“Aye.”
“And I would go home at the end of my trip? With no strings?”
He smiles softly. “Aye.”
I feel my heart start to flutter. What the hell am I negotiating here? I’m already hopelessly hung up on this guy. This is dangerous territory.
“I would want monogamy,” he whispers as he picks up my hand and kisses it.
I raise a brow in question.
“I don’t share.” His eyes darken.
My mouth goes dry. “Neither do I.”
“I wouldn’t expect you to. I’m a one-woman man.”
We sit and stare at each other as the electricity starts to flare between us.
I start to feel my arousal roll at the mere thought that this plan could actually work.
His dark eyes drop to my mouth and his tongue slides over his lip. I feel our connection all the way to my toes.
“Can I see you tonight?” he asks in a whisper.
I smile and a little voice from the back of my psych screams No! You are setting yourself up for heartbreak. “You can.” I smile shyly.
He raises his eyebrow sexily.
Dear, God. I think I just made a deal with the devil himself.
* * *