You knew there was a risk of this happening.
My father’s usual scowl only deepens as he takes a look at me with his dark, beady eyes. “Leaving already?”
“Now that I crossed off annoying you from today’s to-do list, I’m all done.” I readjust my suit for the umpteenth time.
“Do you have any intention of doing something useful with your life?”
“I’m not sure. I considered learning to juggle, but then I saw a video about ukuleles, so I started getting into that during my spare time.”
He scoffs. “Your entire life is considered spare time. You have no job, no purpose, no anything but a loaded trust fund that shouldn’t even be yours.”
“I see you’re still bitter about Mom setting up that trust fund for me without your knowledge, but you should really let it go. My therapist says it isn’t good to keep all that inside.”
“The only bitterness I have toward your mother is her soft spot for you.”
I give his shoulder a squeeze, matching the way my chest feels from his words. “Aw, Pops. Don’t hold it against her. She believed in you too after all, and we know what a monster you turned out to be.”
His nostrils flare. “You’re such a disappointment.”
“At least I’m doing one thing right.”
“You think this is funny? That being the family joke is an accomplishment? Wake up. You’re a pathetic waste of space who shouldn’t even be allowed in this building given how you’re a stain to our last name.”
My chest throbs, but I hide my pain with a smile. “This might be the most you’ve talked to me in an entire year.”
My father makes a noise in the back of his throat. Disdain rolls off him in waves, but I ignore it. I learned long ago that getting angry and showing his words matter means he wins.
I can’t wait to earn my shares and ruin my father’s chance at ever controlling the company again. Whatever letter and inheritance my grandfather left him will never add up to the percentage of shares my brothers and I will have combined. Even if he inherits the 6 percent of shares that are still unaccounted for, he will never have enough power to overturn us again.
Tension builds between us, with neither of us saying a single word. He stares at me like I’m the bane of his existence, and I do everything to keep my smile in place.
Kill them with kindness, Mom used to say.
I hope my father chokes on it.
The elevator dings, and the doors open to the busy tenth floor. A group of people shuffle into the elevator, ending our toxic exchange. My father moves to one corner while I situate myself near the doors for my great escape.
Although I let a majority of my father’s comments bounce off of me, sometimes I struggle. I’m only human after all. My father has always been good with picking at my weaknesses. It isn’t hard for him, especially once I got injured playing hockey and lost the one thing that made me feel special.
He poked and prodded until I spiraled, turning myself into a copy of the person I resent most.
Him.
“I’m going to miss you, little guy.” Iris tucks Merlin against her chest. It only took my cat two years to warm up to her, and now they’re the best of friends. His black fur contrasts against her brown skin, bringing out the deep shades in both.
“He’ll be back in a few months.” I zip up my luggage before placing it upright on the floor.
Her smile drops. “Months? I don’t think I can make it that long without you here.”
“And they call me overly dependent…”
She smacks me in the arm. “Shut up. What if Declan and I come to visit you? I’ve always wanted to see the lake after all your stories, and you’re the one who said the summers were always the best.”
“Uhh…”
“Try to look a little less horrified, will ya?” She pinches the skin between my ribs.
“Let me get settled first and then we can talk about you visiting. Okay?”
“Fine.” She lets Merlin go before dropping on to my couch. “What was it like being back?”
“I’m still processing all of it.”
The gold beads at the ends of her braids clink together as she tilts her head. “That bad?”
“I knew Lana was angry at me…”
“But you ran before you had to deal with it.”
I tip my chin. “Exactly.”
“Well, you have to face your past eventually.”
“It feels like I’m being slapped across the face with it repeatedly.”
She laughs. “Maybe all of this will be good for you. It could help you get some closure.”
I fall on to the leather chair across from her. “Who says I need closure?”
“The fact that you haven’t been in a romantic relationship for six years.”
A rare frown crosses my face. “I haven’t been interested.” The lie slips out easily, perfected after mastering the art of pretending not to give a fuck.
Of course, I am interested, but that doesn’t make it possible. At least not when I’m still a screwed-up mess.
Iris stares at me with narrowed eyes. “Are you sure about that?”
“Yes.”
“Could have fooled me with the way you asked me out on a date.”
I launch a pillow directly at her face. “That was a joke.”
“Says the man who kissed me.”
“And then proceeded to throw up afterward.”
She shivers. “Don’t remind me.”
I’m not sure whose drunken idea it was, but our kiss was a mistake the moment it happened. Our lack of romantic chemistry was a dead giveaway that Iris and I would never be more than friends.
She shakes her head. “Putting me aside, you’ll never be able to move on to someone new if you’re still holding on to the memory of someone else.”
My stomach churns. “I’m not holding on to the memory of someone else.”
“Really? Then give me your wallet.” She holds out her hand.
“No.”
She crosses her arms against her pink T-shirt. “Exactly like I thought.”
My eyes narrow. “Holding on to a photo isn’t a crime.”
“It’s not the photo but what it symbolizes that matters.”
“And what’s that?”
“That a part of you will always love a part of her, no matter how hard you try to deny it.”
“It’s impossible not to love her.”
Iris leans forward. “So you admit that you love her.”
“I never denied it in the first place. Those kinds of feelings don’t just go away, as much as I wish they did.”
“I don’t have a good feeling about this.” She rubs her temple.
“No need to worry. I know that there is no chance in hell that we are ever getting back together.”
I made sure of that the moment I walked away from her, turning her fear of abandonment into a reality.
And I’ve never forgiven myself.