It was funny. The world didn’t shut down just because I was going deaf. In some ways, I think I would have felt marginally better if it had. Instead, I woke up the next morning and went to school, to the gym, and then home. I had dinner with my brothers, and Eliza dropped off a pan of my favorite twice-baked cheese potatoes. No one discussed my breakdown from the night before, not even to make fun of me for it. But there was definitely a blanket of anxiety dampening all of our spirits. Till had attempted to cover his own nerves with jokes, but forced laughter was all he got in return. Eventually, he disappeared, presumably down to Eliza’s apartment like he usually did when he thought we were asleep.
The next day went much like the first—until that afternoon when I was finally alone in the On The Ropes locker room, getting ready to spar with one of the fourteen-year-old boys who fought in my weight class. I was so lost in my own misery that I never even heard the door open. Suddenly, two small arms wrapped around my waist from behind.
“What the hell!” I jumped, but the small body clinging to me followed me forward.
Thankfully, before I threw an elbow, I glanced back and recognized Liv’s long, brown hair. Her face was crushed, nose first, against my back and her hands were knotted painfully tight at my stomach.
I was crazy about Liv, but we were young. Touching was still super weird. Our relationship, up until that point, had consisted of cracking jokes and getting in trouble together. With the exception of when we were huddled together in a dark corner, waiting for Derrick Bailey to pick his super-glued jock strap up, I wasn’t sure we had ever touched at all.
“Uh…Liv,” I said, contorting my body to see her.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered into my back.
“For what?”
“That you’re going to lose your hearing.”
“What?!” I yelled jumping forward, but once again, she followed. “Who told you that?”
“I overheard my mom and dad talking. He made me swear not to mention it. So, of course, I came straight to you.”
Fan-fucking-tastic.
I dropped my chin in defeat. “Would you let me go?” I bit out roughly, attempting to pry her hands away.
She was miniscule; I shouldn’t have had any trouble getting her off me. But this was Liv. Even wearing a hot-pink, frilly dress and glittery boots, she still could have taken half the guys in the gym—or, at least, she wouldn’t have hesitated in trying.
“No,” she murmured into my back.
I groaned, dropping my hands to my sides, giving up on trying to shake her off. “I need to be in the ring. And this is the boy’s locker room. You’re gonna get in trouble if Slate catches you in here.”
She continued to talk into my back. “Whatever. I’ll just tell them you forced me in here.”
“Awesome,” I deadpanned.
“Are you scared?” she asked.
“Nah. I’ve gotten used to running laps whenever you’re around.”
“No. I mean…about going…deaf.” She squeezed me tighter as she finished on a whisper.
“Nah. I’m fine,” I lied. God, did I fucking lie. I hadn’t been able to breathe properly for two full days.
Deep breath in.
Hold it until the room spins, forcing me to concentrate on anything but the uncertainty that consumes me.
Fast exhale out, crushing me in its wake.
“Well, I’m scared enough for both of us,” she said softly.
I barked a laugh. “What the hell are you scared of? I’m the one going deaf.”
“The silence.”
I tried to step out of her hold again, but I made no more progress than I had the first time. “What?”
Keeping her face buried in my back, she whispered, “You’re my best friend, Quarry.”
She was more than that for me.
I just didn’t know it yet.
“What the hell are you rambling about, Liv?”
“I was stuck in the apartment after my mom died for a whole day before the cops showed up. I don’t remember a lot. But it was so quiet, Q.” Her body began to tremble.
I wasn’t sure what to do, but instinctively, I shifted back a step, pressing her even closer to me.
“That’s why I wear my headphones all the time. I can’t even sleep without them.” Her voice broke as she nuzzled her face against the back of my T-shirt.
Blink. Blink. Blink.
I opened my mouth to respond three different times, but not a single sound came out. What the hell was I supposed to say to that? Sorry your life is even shittier than mine?
After a sniffle that revealed her tears, she spared me from having to figure it out. “I don’t want you to have to live like that. It’s gonna be so scary, Q.”
I had no response.
I didn’t want to live like that, either.
But I’d survive.
What I wouldn’t do was allow her to worry about me. Don’t get me wrong. I fucking loved that she cared enough about me to be scared. A small part of me was actually reborn with that knowledge, but I didn’t need her sympathy.
No one had ever coddled me before. No need to start now.
“I kinda like when it’s quiet,” I admitted.