We were all at Till’s the night my fight against Davenport had been announced. Liv was usually the first person jumping up and down, hugging me, and then ranting at whichever ESPN sportscaster had predicted I might lose. But, that night, she sat in Till’s recliner across the room and signed, I’m so proud of you.
My family was shouting and cheering in celebration as clips of me flashed across the screen. But I couldn’t tear my eyes off her. I held my breath as I searched her big, brown doe eyes, knowing I was only one exhale away from a breakdown.
I wanted that woman more than I wanted any title in the world, but I was losing her.
And I didn’t have a clue why.
I knew that the way I felt was going to change things between us. But she didn’t even know yet. I couldn’t take it back or swear to her that we could go back to being friends.
I couldn’t do anything at all to fix us.
Several times since that night in my bed, I’d attempted to talk to her about it. She would make jokes and dismiss it as no big deal. I often replayed those moments with her writhing under my touch, but I would have gladly erased them from both of our memories if we could have just gone back to the way things had been.
Eventually, things got so strained that I started avoiding her too. I didn’t want to see her bright smile aimed at me when I got home, not when her eyes held such emptiness. I didn’t want to sit on my couch night after night while she hid in her room, claiming she was tired—at six p.m. I didn’t want to go to Till and Eliza’s for dinner, where Liv would flitter around the room like the woman I so desperately missed only to have her mood shift so drastically when her attention would swing my way.
I couldn’t swallow those moments anymore. They were acid to my soul, secretly devouring me from the inside out.
Unlike Liv, I wasn’t doing such a stellar job at hiding my problems. With a title fight only months away, I was pushing my body to the limits. My mind just wouldn’t follow. Till and Slate had both been riding my ass about my head not being in the ring, but I was falling apart. I’d taken punches that never should have touched me during training, and if Davenport had thrown them, I would have landed flat on the mat.
I couldn’t stop thinking about her.
Nor could I figure out a way to get her back.
Without her, for the first time in my entire life, I was truly trapped in the solitude of my mind—alone.
It was past eleven as I shadow-boxed in the ring. The gym was empty. Till had left hours earlier instructing me to lock up when I left, but I didn’t have anywhere to go. Alone was alone everywhere. At least, at the gym, I could distract myself from the flames in my chest.
Jab.
Duck.
Jab.
Duck.
Jab.
“Shit!” I yelled as Liv suddenly stepped in front of me.
“What are you doing?” Her mouth moved with her hands because she knew I didn’t wear my hearing aids in the gym.
I dropped my hands. “Well, hello to you too. What are you doing here?”
“I was driving home from work and saw your car. It’s late.”
I briefly swept my eyes over her. She must have taken her shoes off outside the ring to keep from damaging the mat, but she was still in the same short, turquoise dress she’d been wearing that morning. It was sexy as hell. Probably yet another reason I hadn’t wanted to head home.
“Big fight. Long hours,” I stated, unraveling the wraps on my hands.
“Come on. Let’s go home. Long hours mean you need more sleep.”
“Nah. I’m good,” I replied. “I’ll see you in the morning.” I ended the conversation by giving her my back.
Much to my surprise, and my disappointment, she left.
At least I thought she did.
Not even a full minute later, she crawled back into the ring.
Resting my arms on the top rope, I leaned against the corner padding. “What?”
She opened her hand to reveal the hearing aids she must have retrieved from my locker.
Great. “I don’t feel like talking. Go home.”
“Put them in.” she demanded.
With a sigh, I relented. It was a worthless fight. I’d listen to anything she had to say if it got her out of there any quicker—or made her stay forever.
When I got them situated, Liv started in.
“What the hell is going on with you?”
Stabbing a thumb into my chest, I argued, “Me? You’ve been avoiding me for weeks. And you show up here wanting to know what’s wrong with me?”
“I haven’t been avoiding you.”
“Seriously? You’re going to lie to my face?”
Her eyes narrowed. “Fine. I won’t lie. Flint called. He was worried you were still here, and I told him I’d come get you and force you to get some rest.”
“Tell Flint to drag his own ass down here if he’s so worried next time. Babysitting is not part of your job description.”
“Are you kidding me?” She threw her arms out to the sides in frustration. “Babysitting you is my only job description.”
“Wow! The truth comes out.”
“Oh, shut up. Quit whining and get your shit so we can go home,” she snapped, crossing her arms over her chest.
A humorless laugh bellowed from my chest. “Tell Flint I wasn’t here and fucking leave. I’m not doing this with you, Nanny James.”