18.
(Winter)
I’d never forget the look on his face when he found the picture of Endo. The anger that washed over him. How badly he wanted to punch the wall, but I saved him from it. If anything, he should have punched me. But he wouldn’t do that. Tripp was too good of a man. A real man. No matter what he said and no matter how he tried to play his life off, deep down, Tripp was a good person.
I felt it when he looked at me. When he touched me. When he kissed me. I felt it when he thrust his perfect cock inside me. Most of all, I felt it when he held my hand.
I sucked in a breath and knew it was no time to cry.
“He used to come in where I worked,” I said. “I met him before I met the Red Aces.”
“Were they friends?” Tripp asked.
“Close enough. I mean, Stoney called your boss for help, right?”
“True.”
“So they’ve had ties,” I said. “At first, it was kind of neat. I don’t know. I mean, there were guys in really nice suits with a lot of money. Five dollar bills were suddenly fifties. You know?”
Tripp nodded. He folded his arms and leaned against the doorway. Like he was keeping himself guarded, halfway out of the room. I hated it. It hurt to see.
“There was a group of them. I don’t remember all their names. Mostly like Bobby, Richie, Petey, little Jack.”
“Aldo?” Tripp asked.
“No. I’m not sure I remember that name. Well, Stoney had said it before. But he never came into the club.”
“Just Endo then,” Tripp whispered.
“Yeah. One night after closing, I went outside and Endo was waiting for me. He had a car. He had money. He had a nice smile. It wasn’t uncommon for any of us to do it, okay? I mean, if the guy was rich and wanted a night, it was easy money. Sometimes we fantasized about someone showing up and saving us from the life. Like in the movies and stuff. But it never happened.”
“You didn’t fall in love and marry Endo?”
“No. Not that Endo was a bad person. He was just busy and violent. But he never raised a hand though, no. He had other people do it. I mean if someone touched me, they were taken out back and beat up. But with the Red Aces, it was all good. They were all friends. They sat together, laughed together, but any conversations were handled elsewhere. To me, I didn’t get involved. Maybe I should have, Tripp. Maybe I should have poked around.”
“No,” Tripp said. “You would have been killed. Easily.”
“I know. Endo warned me of that a few times. That’s part of the reason I… well, I was with him, I guess. I wasn’t supposed to be anywhere else. It got scary, Tripp. It really did.”
“Scary how?”
“Endo would get really drunk and have people hurt and killed. For fun. He would force me to watch one of his guys shoot someone. I’d never seen that stuff before.”
“Christ. You shouldn’t have seen it then.”
“Well, that’s why Rocky seemed so… inviting.”
“You left Endo for Rocky.”
“Something like that.”
“Meaning?” Tripp asked.
This was it. It was brewing inside me. Something I hadn’t talked about in a long time. Something that would open gates inside me that I swore would be shut forever. Part of me would rather die than talk about it.
“Endo and I had to end,” I whispered. “There was a problem. A situation. Rocky was able to swing in and save me. Endo kind of left me for dead at the end of it all. Not that I could blame him, Tripp.”
“I hate that guy,” Tripp said. “He always lived off his father’s presence and cash. He never did anything himself. It was always handed to him. It didn’t surprise me he was shot. I just wanted to find out who and help Aldo.” Tripp shook his head. “Sorry. Keep talking, darling.”
My body tingled. The way his voice said darling turned me on. I needed that feeling, because I was getting cold on the inside. It hurt. I hated this shit.
“Rocky took me away from Endo,” I said. “And he took me away from the life. From everything that happened to me. From the notion that I had to take my clothes off to pay my bills. Plus, when I was with Endo or Rocky, I didn’t have bills. Survival seemed so easy. I wasn't happy. I was actually really depressed. After everything that had happened.”
“Which was what? You were with Endo at one point. How does it all make sense now?”
I looked at Tripp and instead of talking, I pointed to box of pictures. “There’s a picture on the bottom that will make more sense to you.”
“Do I want to see it?”
“It’s not me naked. It’s the truth. Of what happened. Of what I did.”
Tripp stepped into the room and I shot up from the bed. I couldn’t believe I was trying to block him now. But I was scared. Scared he’d get mad at me and then abandon me.
“You have to know what it was like for me…”
“It’s okay,” Tripp said. “Trust me.”
“I care about you. I like you. I’m…”