You don’t answer.
I don’t know where Nina is right then, and I don’t know you.
“Where is Nina?” I repeat, shouting.
You aren’t frightened or surprised at my excitement. You seem tired, bored. If it weren’t for the white spots you have on your skin, you’d be a normal, everyday boy. That’s what I thought.
“Mommy.” It’s Nina’s voice.
I turn back toward the hallway. She is holding Carla’s hand and she looks at me fearfully.
“What’s wrong?” asks Nina, wrinkling her forehead, about to start crying.
“Are you okay? Are you okay, Nina?” I ask.
Nina hesitates, but maybe that’s because she sees how furious I am, indignant with Carla and all of her madness.
“This is crazy,” I tell your mother. “You’re completely insane.”
Nina pulls away from Carla.
You’re all alone, I tell myself. You’d better get this woman out of the house as soon as possible.
“Things always end up like this with David.” Carla’s eyes fill with tears.
“David didn’t do anything!” And now I’m really shouting, now I’m the one who seems crazy. “You’re the one scaring us with all your delusions of . . .”
I look at you. Your eyes are red, and the skin around your eyes and mouth is a little thinner than is normal, a little pinker.
“Get out.” I say it to Carla, but I’m looking at you.
“Let’s go, David.”
Your mother doesn’t wait for you. She walks away and goes downstairs. She walks upright, elegant in her red dress and gold bikini. I feel Nina’s hand, small and soft, carefully take my own. You don’t move.
“Go with your mother,” I tell you.
You don’t refuse or answer. You’re just there, as though switched off. I’m annoyed that you don’t move, but I’m more annoyed by Carla now, and I decide to go down and make sure she leaves the house. I have to do it slowly, waiting for Nina, who doesn’t want to let go of my hand. Now in the kitchen, before going out, Carla turns around to say something to me, but my look dissuades her and she leaves in silence. Is this the exact moment?
No, this isn’t the exact moment.
It’s hard when I don’t know what I’m looking for.
It’s something in the body. But it’s almost imperceptible, we have to pay attention.
That’s why the details are so important.
Yes, that’s why.
But how could I let them get between us so quickly? How can it be that leaving Nina alone for a few minutes, sleeping, could mean so much danger and madness?
This isn’t the exact moment. Let’s not waste time on this.
Why do we have to go so quickly, David? Is there so little time left?
Very little.
Nina is still in the kitchen, looking at me disconcertedly, shaking off her fear by herself. I pull a chair over so she can sit down, and I start making a snack. I’m very nervous, but doing things with my hands frees me from giving her explanations, it gives me time to think.
“Is David going to eat too?” asks Nina.
I put the kettle on the stove and look upward. I think about your eyes, and I wonder if you’re still standing in the middle of the room.
Why? This is important.
I don’t know. Now that I think about it, you’re not what scares me.
What is?
Do you know what it is, David?
Yes, it has to do with the worms. We’re getting closer and closer to the exact moment.
I sit up in my chair, alert.
Why? What’s happening?
I see you outside, in the yard, and I don’t understand how you got there. I was watching the stairs the whole time. You go over to the sandals Carla left behind, you pick them up, walk to the edge of the pool, and throw them in. You look around and find Carla’s towel and scarf, and you throw those into the water too. My sandals and glasses are nearby, you see them, but they don’t seem to interest you. Now that you are in the sun, I see some spots on your body that I hadn’t noticed before. They’re subtle; one covers the right part of your forehead and almost your whole mouth, other spots cover your arms and one of your legs. You look like Carla, and I think that without the spots you would be a really lovely boy.
What else?
You seem to be leaving, and when you’re finally gone I feel calmer. I open the windows, I sit down for a moment on the living room sofa. It’s a strategic place because from there I can see the front gate, the yard, and the pool, and in the other direction I can keep my eye on the kitchen. Nina is still sitting and eating the last of the cookies; she seems to understand that it isn’t a good time to take her cheerful laps around the house.
And what else?
I make a decision. I realize I don’t want to be here anymore. The rescue distance is so short now I don’t think I can be more than a few steps away from my daughter. The house, its grounds, the whole town seems like an unsafe place after today, and there’s no reason to take any risks. I know that my next move will be to pack our bags and get out of here.