He was stiff and unyielding in her arms.
“I went to find DJ. I needed to know. I didn’t know what to do.”
“You went to DJ.” His voice was flat.
She rushed on. She had to make him understand. “Yes. I went straight to the bar. I didn’t know what else to do. She knows this area. I hoped I could get a test. That I could confirm it.”
“With DJ.”
“Yes. I have them. The tests, I mean. I swear it’s true.” Panic overrode her need to soothe him. Maybe she shouldn’t have told him.
Maybe she should have just gone to the clinic and taken care of it. Deacon didn’t ever have to know. DJ was right. She should have just kept it to herself.
She didn’t have to burden him with it. She could have taken care of it.
“Harper, you woke up next to me. Frightened, right?”
Dread coated her throat and mouth. She swallowed, shaking her head. Realizing it was pitch dark, she whispered, “Yes.”
“I was right there. And you went to DJ.”
“Deacon, I didn’t want to worry you if it was false.”
He stalked away from her, and the moonlight was as stark as the sun. He covered his face with his hand, dragging his fingers up and into his long hair before returning to her. Again, all in shadow. But it was too late. She’d seen the pain and shock on his face. “You thought it was something to shield me from?”
“I panicked. I didn’t know what else to do.”
“Why would you cut me out of this?”
His voice broke, and right then she wished for more than that flash of moonlight. Sunlight, pure and clear, would be perfect right about now. Deacon didn’t break.
Until this.
She stepped forward, placing her hands on his chest. God, his heartbeat was so fast. Or was that her own pounding in her ears? “Deacon, we’re not ready for this. We barely have enough strength to take care of our own issues. We’re both buried.”
“This isn’t an issue. This is a baby.”
“I know,” she said.
“Our baby. You and me.”
“I’m sorry.” She couldn’t tell if it was the baby he was upset about or her not telling him. It had only been a few hours. The news wasn’t the pretty kind where you put a baby rattle on a plate, for fuck’s sake.
They hadn’t even discussed kids.
Kind of an important question to ask before marriage, Harper Lee.
“Deacon. Talk to me.”
He curled his fingers around hers against his chest. “Pregnant?”
“I know. I don’t know how. I’m always so careful about my pill.”
“Wow.” His voice was gentle now. Shellshocked.
Harper took a shaky breath. “I never even asked you if you wanted kids.”
“Do you want kids?”
“I-I…” She lost the ability to breathe. She still didn’t know. “I don’t know. It was never something I thought of. I’m twenty-three.”
He hauled her against him, his cheek resting on top of her head. His heartbeat was the same as when he’d just come back from a run. Fast and steady.
Always steady. That was Deacon at his most basic.
But why did everything have to be so fast?
This was so fast.
She gripped the back of his shirt. “Deacon, you didn’t answer me.”
“I don’t want to make you do anything you’re not ready for.”
“That’s not an answer.”
“I don’t have an answer yet. You’ve got a couple of hours on me to digest this.”
She gripped him tighter. “I understand.” The tears tracked down her cheeks. She didn’t know what she’d expected.
“I just wish you’d come to me first.” His voice was quiet and even again yet she could still scent the pain on the air.
“I wanted to be sure.”
“That’s the problem, Harper. You don’t have to do things alone anymore.”
She drew back from him. “You knew who you were marrying. I’ve done everything on my own.” He stroked down her hair. The familiarity of the act tightened her chest. “I’m sorry.”
“I know.” His voice was tired and deeper than usual. “C’mon, let’s get you out of the cold.”
Not willing to argue now, she let him lead her down the pier to the street. She’d lost her shoes sometime between the climbing of the pier and the beach. Once they got under the street lamp, he looked down at her and lifted her up.
“Deacon.”
“C’mon, Lawless. Let me do this, all right?”
She wrapped her arm around his neck and ignored the people on the street that stared at them. It didn’t matter. They didn’t matter. Right now, it was about Deacon and letting him get a handle on things.
When he got to the car, he tucked her in and slid the seatbelt across her chest. For a moment, he hovered over her middle. His wide palm gently lowered to her belly before he curled his fingers in and withdrew.
She slumped back against the headrest, turning her face toward the window.
Ten
Connection