The past year had been such a whirlwind. So much of their focus had been on getting married and getting Bella there safely. She was only now realizing that they hadn’t really talked about how that would shape the way they worked together. It felt so shortsighted and like one more thing she was doing wrong. She’d forged ahead, trying to balance what she wanted with what she’d grown up with. She’d never asked him what he expected. What if what he wanted was for her to take a less active role in the business, not more active? Their daughter certainly deserved a mother who wasn’t distracted all the time. Pictures of the light, airy rooms faded and she tried to ignore the disappointment that took their place.
“If it’s what you want.” She turned to face him and pitched her voice low enough so only he heard her.
His forehead creased, and he arched one of his brows, but he nodded before ushering her back into the unit. They toured condos on two more floors, not pausing to do more than take in the view. By the time they reached the penthouse level, Claire was so twisted up inside, she wasn’t sure what to hope for. Again the glass doors were much too small; probably in an attempt to minimize energy costs. But the view was better than she could have hoped for.
They were nowhere near the height Luke’s building would be if he decided to build on the spot. Standing in the center of the small living room, they’d already exceeded the height of the buildings around them, giving the unit what felt like an infinite view of the ocean. The urge to get a pencil in her hand roared back with a vengeance. She turned away from the view, hoping that for once in her life, her face didn’t give away every conflicted emotion she felt. She heard Luke say something to the agent about wanting to look at the grounds and then they were following her out of the unit.
“Do you have children?” the agent asked, while they waited for the ancient elevator.
Claire went very still, and beside her, she felt Luke waiting. She’d been so caught up in Hawaii and picturing what they could do in this spot, she hadn’t thought about Bella since she walked into the lobby. The guilt she’d worked so hard to push back settled over her like an itchy blanket, stifling in the tropical heat.
“We have a daughter.” Luke took her hand and gave her fingers a reassuring squeeze. She could practically feel him trying to pull her back to the present with him.
“Oh, how old is she?”
“Six months,” said Claire, finally finding her voice. “Do you have children?” She followed the other woman into the badly carpeted elevator with faux woodgrain paneling.
“Two boys. Five and two,” said the woman with obvious pride.
It was silly. They’d just met. Claire didn’t know her at all, but suddenly, looking at the woman who had a career and kids and still managed to look happy and sane, it felt as if Claire was face to face with someone who had the answer to all her problems.
“How do you manage it?” she blurted, swallowing hard when her voice cracked.
“Oh Lord.” The other woman shook her head and smiled. “You’re assuming I do. It’s not a smart idea to say this to someone who I’m trying to convince to trust me with their business, but I barely remember my name some days.”
“Thank God.” The words were out of her mouth before she thought about how they sounded. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean…”
“It’s okay,” said the agent, laying a reassuring hand on Claire’s arm. “Honestly, it is. You’re right in the middle of the hardest part and everything is so new.”
“Does it get easier?”
The woman paused before she answered. “It gets different. Some things get easier and some things get harder, but you’ll get better at managing it all.”
“How do you do it? Balance a career you obviously care about with having a family and a relationship? I’m sorry.” Claire tipped her head to the side. “That’s too personal. Forget I asked. My mouth’s gotten ahead of my brain.”
“No,” said the woman. “I’m happy to talk about it. I don’t think I’d have survived any of it if I hadn’t had girlfriends to talk to.”
The elevator bounced to a stop on the main floor and the doors slid open. Luke put his hand along the jamb and waited for her and the other woman to get out of the car, but once they were back in the lobby, he stayed a pace behind her, clearly giving her the space she needed to talk. She should let it go. The polite thing would be to change the subject back to the building the woman was trying to sell them, but Claire wanted to know what she knew so badly; she waited a few beats instead.
“To answer your question,” said the woman, moving seamlessly across the lobby to the door to the outside pool area. “I’m not sure you can balance it all—not by yourself and not every day. Some days I’m a better mom and some days I’m better at my job. The hardest part is making time for my marriage, but I have a great husband. He doesn’t let me push us aside for too long, and he shoulders half of the kid-wrangling. More than half in the summer. He’s a teacher.”
She smiled when she said it and Claire didn’t have to wonder whether the other woman was happy in her marriage. The love she felt for her husband shone clearly in her eyes.
“I couldn’t do any of it without him. Now I’m the one oversharing.” She waved her hand in front of her face.