My mom always used to say that the sink in this bathroom was made for washing babies, and it’d seen many a’ babies in its lifetime. It was a stainless-steel farm sink, about half the size of what you would see in a kitchen.
It was just as deep, though, and I’d always wondered why my mom and dad had put it in here. It was more suited for a laundry room than a bathroom, but as I turned the water on, and made sure the water was on the lukewarm side of hot, I realized exactly why she’d done it.
To put babies in; exactly what she’d said hundreds of times.
It was something that I never quite understood the significance of until I placed Tallulah in it a short two minutes later.
“Bath?” I asked the small girl, dunking her hand under the water, causing her to smile slightly.
She looked sick.
Her skin was pallid, and her eyes had deep bruises underneath her lids.
Her hair was even a mess of curls.
“Isn’t this sink awesome?” Tally asked from behind me.
Yes, yes it was very awesome.
I cleared my throat. “Yep.”
She placed her hand on my shoulder.
“Is something wrong?”
Only my heart breaking.
“No.” I handed Tallulah a loofah, which she dunked under the water and immediately brought up to splash water everywhere. “A long, long time ago, there was a bad boy.”
She looked at me like I was crazy.
“A long time ago?” she teased. “You’re not now?”
I pinched her ass. “Hush and let me tell a story about the boy I used to be.”
She pantomimed zipping her lips shut, and then throwing away the key over her shoulder.
“I’m zipped,” she informed me.
I gave her a pointed look, and she started to giggle.
“I’m done, I promise,” she assured me.
I gave her a look that clearly said that I didn’t believe her.
“The boy was too smart for his own good, and decided to do something stupid when he realized that his parents lost their house.”
Tally’s head tilted to the side, and then her eyes filled with understanding.
“You’ve already told me this.”
I nodded.
“But what you don’t know, and what I didn’t want you to know, is that I made your father’s life a living hell.”
Her eyes widened, and then understanding dawned, and the compassion went out in her eyes.
“I never put two and two together…” she moaned. “It was you!” she hissed and stood back, pointing a soapy finger at me in accusation.
I nodded.
The tone of her voice, as well as the way she was crossing her arms over her chest let me know real quick that she knew exactly who I was to her father.
Exactly what it was I’d done to him.
Exactly how much I’d hurt her by admitting that one single fact.
“You made my dad’s life a living hell,” she accused.
I nodded, not defending myself. “It was bad, I’ll admit.”
“Bad?” she asked incredulously, snatching a towel down off the rack from behind her and walking toward Tallulah in quick, angry strides.
I waited to see what she was going to do and she didn’t disappoint.
The moment that she turned around, she threw the towel in my face.
“My dad didn’t want to get a restraining order against you.” She said through gritted teeth. “From what little information I was able to gather when I was younger, and over the years, you were a complete asshole.”
I caught the towel and stuffed it under my arm, waiting to see what she’d throw next.
Which happened to be a rubber duck in the shape of some ugly snowman aimed at my face.
I caught that, too, and got a face full of soapy water for my trouble.
“Tally…”
“I invited you into his house!”
I sighed.
“I was an asshole,” I told her. “I’m not that same kid anymore.”
“You weren’t a kid, though, were you?” she accused. “You were an adult.”
“I was sixteen when I went to college. Seventeen when I found out my parents lost the house,” I started explaining.
“Did you get with me to stick it to him?”
The question stunned me so much that I stared at her in disbelief.
“I didn’t…no!” I barked. “I would never do that to you. Not to you, and definitely not to her. I would never bring a child into a situation like that…and I’m not that same person anymore. I swear on my life. I’ve turned my ass around. Bought my parents a house to make up for doing shitty stuff when I was younger…I was an asshole. I know I was.”
“Why?” she asked curiously.
Questions were good.
It meant she was listening to what I had to say instead of just dismissing me altogether.
“I was bullied, starting in junior high and all through high school. I was that kid who everyone had a turn at, making sure he had a completely miserable school experience. I was that kid that you read about in the news who kills themselves…except I channeled those feelings into harming others instead of self harm.”
She blinked in surprise.
“I got awesome grades—all As. I had a three point nine nine seven grade-point-average. Then to make matters worse, I made the varsity swim team my last year of high school…and it was the guy who was biggest asshole of them all who I beat out for first spot at swim meets.”
She blinked.
“I can’t quite picture you as a swimmer…you’re too…muscular.”
I grinned, my mouth twitching into some semblance of a smile.
“Then I got out of high school and left to start college. One weekend I tried to come home only to find my home, the house I grew up in, was no longer our house.”
Her eyes went wide.
“Why didn’t your parents tell you what was happening?” she breathed.
Tallulah chose that moment to projectile vomit across the room.
Luckily, we were still in the bathroom and she was facing away from the door so it mostly hit the bathtub—otherwise someone would’ve had to figure out how the hell to get puke chunks out of shaggy carpet.
“What did she eat today?” I asked, stopping my explanation.
“Nothing,” Tally said instantly. “Mom said that she tried to get her to have a few bottles, then tried to get her to eat her favorite baby food—peaches—but she refused everything.”
“Got any Pedialyte?” I asked, leaving the bathroom to head to the kitchen.
Tally followed behind me at a slower pace, stopping beside the large, butcher-block topped island—which was new, I might add—and watched me move around the kitchen.
“No, not any Pedialyte.”
I opened the fridge and saw some prune juice, which she most certainly shouldn’t have at this juncture, some orange juice, what I assumed was some tea, and some Gatorade.
Pulling out the Gatorade, I lifted my eyebrows at her in question.
She pointed to a cabinet, and I moved to it, pulling the doors open and reaching for a bottle all the while I continued explaining.
“As for why my mom didn’t tell me, she didn’t know how to tell me,” I explained. “Mom and Dad are proud people, and since I was such a momma’s boy, and mom was so embarrassed that it had come to this, she didn’t know how to tell me, I guess, so they just didn’t.”
“That’s terrible,” Tally whispered.
“Terrible, yes,” I agreed. “But that didn’t give me the right to be a complete asshole.”