Grace raised her hand so that it was covering Rafe’s. “I told Joaquin and Maya about Peach.”
Rafe’s eyes widened almost comically. “Seriously?” he asked. “Why? How?”
“Maya saw an email from her adoptive parents. She was just teasing me with my phone and she saw it, and yeah. Hard to hide after that.”
“Wow. Are you good with that?”
Grace was, actually. She felt lighter after that day, like the heavy cloud that had hung over her had finally turned into rain. “They want me to visit her.”
“Joaq and Maya do?”
“No. Peach’s parents. They want me to visit in a few months, when she’s six months old. We had originally agreed to two visits a year back before the adoption.”
Rafe waited for her to go on, flipping his hand over so that their palms were pressed together.
“I don’t know if I can.”
“That’s fine. You don’t have to.”
“But what if she wants to see me? I mean, not now, but in the future.”
“You mean like you want to see your birth mom?”
Grace nodded. “I just don’t want her to wonder, you know? I don’t want her to have any questions like I do.”
Rafe shrugged. “Then go see her. Either way, it’s going to be hard, but you’ve always done the right thing for her. Don’t stop now.”
Grace didn’t say anything. She wasn’t sure she could speak.
“You want to keep talking about this?” Rafe asked.
She shook her head.
“You want to talk about that return you’ve got there?” He nodded toward the package sitting next to Grace, a mail order from the kitchen store.
This time, she smiled, pushing the tears away. “This one’s pretty great,” she said.
“Your mom’s insomnia purchases are amazing,” Rafe agreed. “Let’s see.”
Grace pulled it out of the package. “I think it’s a pepper mill,” she said, holding up the small garden gnome. “You twist its hat and the pepper comes out of his beard.”
Rafe put his hand over his mouth. “Wow,” he said after a minute.
“Think we should name it?” Grace asked.
“No,” Rafe said, then started to climb out of the booth. “It’s probably best if we don’t get attached. C’mon—if we get back early enough, you can wear my apron.”
“Oh, goody,” she said, rolling her eyes, but took his hand anyway when he held it out to her.
On Saturday morning, it was a text from Rafe that woke her up.
good luck today, it said. call me if you want later.
Grace looked at it for a long minute before typing back, ok.
Then she went in the bathroom and threw up.
Her parents were already gone for the day, at some gardening show. They had left dinner defrosting on the counter for her, and seeing the Tupperware sweating on the countertop made something tug at Grace’s heart in the most painful of ways. They had forgiven her a lot over the past year. She hoped they could forgive this, too.
Maya pulled up in a cab just as Grace was finishing getting dressed. She had tried on at least ten different outfits. She wanted to look pretty, but not overdone. She wanted to seem casual, but not too casual, like she normally spent the weekend knocking on strangers’ doors and asking if they were her mom.
Rafe’s words echoed back at her, but Grace just pushed them away. Whether it was a bad idea or not, it was going to happen.
“Oh my God, I think I’m going to puke,” Maya said, wheeling her bike into Grace’s garage.
“I already did,” Grace admitted. “Twice.”
“Seriously? Are you pregnant again?”
“Ha. No.”
Maya just grinned at her, but the smile quickly fell from her face. “I don’t know. Is this a bad idea? Are we idiots?”
“I don’t know, and probably.”
“Oh God, I really am going to barf.”
“Please stop saying that,” Grace said. “Do I look okay?”
“You look amazing. You look very . . . you. What about me?”
“You look great. Wait, what do you mean, very . . . me?”
Maya smiled. “You look very clean.”
“What does that mean!” Grace yelled, and was about to turn around and run back up the stairs so she could change her outfit for the eleventh time, when Joaquin’s car swung into the driveway.
Even before he got out of the car, Grace could tell that something was off. The way he parked the car was all wrong, in one fast motion that ended too sharply.
“Whoa,” Maya said next to her.
“I’m not going” was the first thing Joaquin said when he got out of the car.
“Ha!” Maya cried. “Nice try. Anyone else have to pee before we get on the road?”
“No, I’m serious,” he said. “Take the car if you want, I don’t care. But I’m not going.”
Grace felt like she had missed the second act of a three-act play. “Wait, what are you even talking about?” she said. “What happened? Why are you being like this?”
Joaquin was now pacing in front of the car. “I can’t go. I’m not.”
“But why?”
“Because!” he cried. “I ruin fucking everything!” He ran a hand through his hair, but it just flopped back into place like he had never touched it. “I’m the worst thing that could have happened to you. Either of you. Don’t you understand?”
Maya just crossed her arms and watched Joaquin pace. “Are you done?” she said. “Because we should get going.”
“I just told you. You’re going without me.”
“Nope,” Maya said. “This is an all-or-nothing thing.” She grabbed her bag and started to walk toward the car, then turned around when Joaquin didn’t follow her. “C’mon, Grace,” she said.
Grace stayed where she was. “Joaq, what happened?” she asked again. “You’re practically shaking.”
“I just . . . I can’t go back to Mark and Linda’s.”
“What? Why?”
“We had a fight. I ruined it. I pretty much obliterated it. Burned it to the ground.” Joaquin was chuckling to himself, but Grace thought it sounded more like a sob. “They’re not going to let me back in.”
“Did they say that?” Maya called from where she was standing by the passenger-side door.
“They didn’t have to.”
“Well, we’re not going without you,” Grace told him. “C’mon—we can talk about it in the car.”
“No!” Joaquin said. “Are you not listening to me? I don’t want to ruin this, too. Not for you.”
“Can you open the doors, please?” Maya called.
Joaquin ignored her. “Here,” he said, tossing the keys to Grace. “Just text me when you get back.” Then his face changed. “I left my phone at their house. Shit.”
Grace felt like she was scrambling to stay ahead of a tornado. “Joaquin,” she said, then stepped forward and put her hand on his arm. “If you don’t want to meet our mom, that’s fine. That’s totally fine. But if you’re not going because you think you’ll ruin it? Then that’s not fine. And it’s not true, either.”
Joaquin shook his head. “Look, you two are my sisters, right? You’re my family. I won’t hurt you like that.”