“It’s almost time,” I whispered, wrapping my arms about her. She rested her chin on my shoulder.
“Everything will be different now,” she whispered against my neck.
“It’ll be better.”
“Maybe.” She pulled away, and I could see the dark circles under her eyes, the yellow undertone to her skin, how thin she’d grown. I looked exactly the same. We felt especially weak that day. The excitement of freedom was overworking our already weakened heart.
“Taema?” I murmured, shaking her shoulder. She slumped, and I fell to the ground with her. I clutched her to me, taking deep breaths, forcing myself to stay calm, because I couldn’t stress the heart any further. Her arms were slack against mine. I wrapped my own arms around her and rocked us like we were children, resting my face against her slack skin.
“Stay with me, Taema,” I said over and over, careless of who might hear us above. I could feel her inhaling and exhaling against me and tears ran down my face. If she died, I’d be glad that I’d be following her a few minutes later. It wouldn’t be fair if this was the end, just as we were about to escape.
I looked up into Mana-ma’s face.
She squatted over us, her dark robes billowing.
“And just where do you think you’re going?” she asked.
My mind spun, but there was no good excuse I could give—of course there wasn’t. I decided to say nothing, and glared at her.
She looked at us, taking in Taema’s head lolling against my shoulder. I could tell what she was thinking: she’d already lost us. She knew that during our last Confession, when I fucked with her and freaked her out.
“You might as well let us go,” I said. “You can say we died in the forest.”
“But what if I let you go and you find a way to survive?”
“I guess that’s a risk you take. We’re not doing so hot right now, anyway.” I sucked in a breath. “Do you want us to die?”
“I want you to follow God’s plan. If you weren’t meant to die, your heart wouldn’t be failing.”
“Maybe God wants us to leave your godforsaken Hearth and go to the city.”
She leaned down, close to me. There was no one around.
Her ageless face gazed down at us. Would she raise her arm in benediction, or would the hand hold a knife?
“It didn’t have to be like this,” she said. “It all could have been different.”
“Well, this is how it is. So what are you going to do?” I glared up at her. “The power’s in your hands, I guess. You going to kill us here? Do nothing for a few minutes? That’s all it’ll take.” Already my vision was wobbling, going dim. My chest hurt, and my fingers were numb. I wanted her to go away and leave me to die in peace.
“You want to go out into the Impure world?” She sneered down at me. “Very well. I’ll let you go. You can never return. Never contact your parents or your friends. You’re cut off from here in every possible way. I know that the big, wide world out there will chew you up and spit you out, until you wish you could come crawling back. But you can’t. You’re apostate. You’re dead to the Hearth.”
“You done?” I asked wearily.
She glared at me for a long time before she finally moved away, her robe whispering against the forest floor. She turned her back on us and made her way through the forest to her Hearth. She’d made her point. We couldn’t hide things from her, even if we tried. Our choice was final.
I spat in the direction she had taken.
I looked up toward the spaceship. We heard the low whistle of an owl—Dad’s signal. Oh God. If Mana-ma knew about our escape, would she hurt my parents for helping us?
I tried to move, but Taema was so heavy, and I was so weak. We weren’t far. I could see the ship through the redwood trees. A little door came down, but as much as I tried to move toward it, I was too weak. Our heart beat so loudly it seemed to be the only sound in the world.
I collapsed against the dirt, defeated. So close and yet so far.
I heard a clicking, whirring sound.
With my fading vision, I looked up into the face of one of the droid supervisors, her machine at her side. “You’re the ones we’re meant to pick up?”
I managed to nod.
“Shit,” she muttered, and then she hauled us up by the shoulders and dragged us toward the ship, the droid assisting her. I watched our legs trail through the dirt. She kept under the cover of trees, looking around nervously. I didn’t have the breath to tell her that she didn’t need to bother, that Mana-ma had already found us and let us go, at least for now.
She put us in the ship and closed the hatch behind us. All sound cut off, and we were in a hallway. Everything was made of metal. I’d never seen that before. Looking up, we could see the metal crosshatches, the boots of people walking past and the wheels of droids.