Was that really what you wanted to tell her, man?
Rather than the look of disgust Jesse had expected, she smiled. “You might have closed yourself off to knowing me personally, but you were still a good neighbor. You shoveled my walk. You put my trash on the curb when I forgot. You even mowed my lawn on weekends when I was at work.”
He stared at her. “You knew I was the one?”
She shook her head. “I had no idea—until I saw you shoveling my walk the night Daniel and I were sick. It didn’t take long for me to put the pieces together.”
He reached up, tucked a strand of blond hair behind her ear. “The point I’m trying to make is that I could have reached out, but I didn’t.”
“That was self-preservation. You’d come to Colorado to get the war out of your head. Why would you want to connect with a woman whose husband had been killed in that same war?”
Jesse sat up, cupped her face in his hand, steeled himself. “I love you, Ellie.”
There. He’d done it. He’d said it. The world hadn’t imploded, but now he lay, naked and shivering, at her feet.
“What?” She stared at him through startled green eyes. “You ... you love me?”
“God, yes, I love you. I’ve been fighting it, trying to ignore it. But I can’t stay away from you. I’ve tried.”
She ran a hand down the length of his arm. “You’re trembling.”
Shit.
“Feeling this way—it scares the hell out of me.”
“What scares you?”
Wasn’t it obvious?
“I’m afraid I’ll do something stupid and hurt you or one of the kids. I don’t want to be the man you trusted who disappointed you.”
“You’re not like the man who raised you, Jesse. Sorry, but I can’t call him your father—not after how he treated you and your mom.”
“How can you be sure that I—?”
She pressed her fingers to his lips. “I’m sure.”
“It’s not just that. I’m a mess. You know that. Since you’ve known me, I’ve had recurring nightmares, a meltdown, and a full-on flashback. How can you be sure that there isn’t more shit hiding in my head?”
“How can you be sure I won’t get hit by a car tomorrow?” She took his hand, squeezed. “The only thing we can depend on is each other. We’ll deal with whatever happens. I’m not afraid of what’s inside your head.”
He took comfort from her confidence. “There was a moment yesterday when I couldn’t find my way back to the hole in the ice and I was sure neither Daisy nor I would make it. My lungs were ready to burst. I was seconds away from blacking out or going into cardiac arrest. I thought of you, of how much I wanted to get both of us back to you. I swear that’s the only thing that kept me conscious and moving at the end.”
“Oh, Jesse.” She kissed him. “I can’t imagine how it must have been for you down there. Hearing that, just thinking about it...”
She shuddered.
“I didn’t say that to upset you. I wanted you to know what you do to me. You are a miracle, Ellie. You’ve pulled me back from the brink in more ways than you know. I’ve never been happier in my life. I love you, Ellie. I love Daniel and Daisy, too. If you’ll give me another chance, I’ll try to do right by you and the kids.”
“I thought you didn’t want a complicated relationship—especially not one involving children. What changed your mind?”
He looked into her eyes, tried to explain. “When I’m with you, all the bullshit falls away, and the answers to all the questions become simple.”
She smiled, but there were tears in her eyes now. “I never thought I could love anyone the way I loved Dan. When he died, a part of me died, too.”
“I don’t expect you to stop loving him. I don’t expect you to forget him. He’s the father of your children.”
She sniffed, laughed. “God, you’re sweet, but can you let me finish?”
He wiped a tear from her cheek with his thumb. “Okay.”
“I was angry when I found out you knew Dan. It seemed strange that I should end up having sex with a soldier whose life Dan had saved when Dan had been killed.”
Yeah, there was that.
“But now I think Dan saved your life so that you could save Daisy—and me. You brought me back to life, Jesse. I love you.”
*
Two months later
Ellie stood in the doorway to her bedroom, a cup of coffee in her hand. She had asked her mother to keep the kids this morning so that she could get ready for their birthday party tonight—and because she wanted to sort through everything in her closet. It was time to say goodbye to the past.
“Is Jesse moving in with you?” her mother had asked.
“Mom, he’s been living with me for two months, but everything he owns is still at his house.” Ellie was tired of Jesse having to trudge uphill just to grab a clean T-shirt or his gear. “I need to move forward.”
“Do you need me to bring anything to the birthday party tonight?”
Today, Daniel and Daisy were three years old.