“Well…” Ellie had nothing.
“Besides, you said he and Dan didn’t know each other well, that they just did some missions or actions or whatever together. It sounds like you guys got caught up in something that neither of you expected and that his connection to Dan wasn’t the first thing on his mind. That’s kind of a compliment if you think about it.”
Claire wasn’t getting the point.
“He fucked me in the bed I shared with Dan with Dan’s photos on the walls, and he didn’t think, ‘Maybe I should tell her that I knew her husband.’”
“Are you sure the real issue here isn’t that you feel guilty? Maybe his bringing up Dan brought it all crashing in on you.”
“No!” Ellie realized she’d shouted into the phone, rage mixing with a sinking feeling that her sister might be right. “Why should I feel guilty? Dan wanted me to be happy. He made me promise I would move on. How many times have you told me that?”
“You’ve spent almost four years saying you can’t move on. Then you meet Jesse and you’re magically cured—except that you’re still wearing your wedding ring. Dan’s photos are still all over the walls. Then, when he mentions Dan, you flip.”
Ellie let out a breath, tried not to get upset. “It’s not just that he mentioned Dan. It’s that he knew him. They fought together. He said Dan even saved his life a few times. Dan saved his life. But it took him until yesterday to tell me any of this.”
“Okay, so he ought to have told you. All I know, sis, is that a brave, sexy man cares about you and your kids enough to cook for the three of you, shovel your sidewalk, and fuck your brains out. You need to think hard before you end this.”
“I didn’t say I was ending it.”
“Why would he leave the key unless he believed that’s what you wanted?”
*
It was after nine—and a lot of rum—when she knocked on Jesse’s door.
“Jesse, I know you’re in there. Please let me know you’re okay. I’ve called. I’ve texted. I’ve left messages. But you’re not answering.”
She’d called? He hadn’t gotten any damned phone calls or texts. Then he remembered he’d turned his cell phone off, the silence too hard to take.
“I can’t leave the kids home alone for long. I shouldn’t leave them alone at all, but I have to see you. I have to know you’re all right.”
So, this was a welfare check. She didn’t really want to see him. She just wanted to make sure he hadn’t done anything stupid. Well, he hadn’t done anything stupid—if you didn’t count getting drunk in his underwear.
“I’ll call the police, and they’ll break down your door. Please, open up. It’s freezing out here.”
Well, fuck.
He couldn’t afford a new door.
“I’ll call Megs.”
Okay, now Ellie was just playing dirty. Megs would rake his ass over the coals.
He put the bottle down, got unsteadily to his feet, and walked to the front door, then realized she was standing at the side door. He turned, tripped over one of the legs to his sofa and almost fell on his face. He caught himself, straightened up, then walked to the door and opened it.
“Oh, thank God.” She stood there in sub-zero temps in nothing more than a T-shirt and jeans, teeth chattering. “This is the second time you’ve opened the door in your underwear.”
He looked down. “You’re counting?”
“You’ve been drinking.”
“Yeah. Seemed like the right thing to do. You’ve been crying.”
“Today was Tyler Kirby’s funeral.”
Oh. Shit.
“Sorry. That must’ve been hard.”
She nodded. “It was beautiful and horrible. They made him an honorary firefighter and buried him with full honors.”
“That was a good thing to do.”
Damn, it was cold.
“You got your stitches out.”
“I took them out myself. It’s not hard.” He pointed toward his sofa and the wood stove. “You should come in before you become hypothermic.”
She shook her head. “I can’t leave the kids alone like this. I had to know you’re okay. Also, you left something at my house. I want you to have it back.”
She took his hand, pressed something into it.
The key to her house.
His gaze jerked to hers. “Why are you giving me this?”
“Because despite everything I said yesterday, I’m glad you’re in my life. It might be my emotions getting in the way here as much as anything you did or didn’t do. I care about you, Jesse. I said I needed time. I didn’t tell you to get out of my life, did I?”
“It sure sounded like that to me.”
“I’m sorry for that.”
“I should’ve told you. I don’t know why I didn’t. I wasn’t trying to trick you or pull the wool over those pretty green eyes of yours.”
“I believe you.”
He wanted to kiss her but realized his breath was probably a hundred proof. Instead, he reached out and cupped her cheek.
She turned her face into his hand, kissed his palm. “I missed you today.”
“I missed you, too.” He’d never spoken truer words in his life.