Ellie put the amount she’d planned to spend in the donation jar. Then Jesse helped her get the kids out to the car and into their car seats. For a moment they stood in the parking lot in awkward silence.
She reached out, took his hand. “Thanks for dinner. That’s the second night you’ve fed the three of us.”
He raised her hand to his lips, kissed it. “You’re welcome.”
“I’d invite you over, but I’m beat. I’m probably going to bed as soon as the kids are asleep.” It was disappointing to have to admit it.
He nodded. “Yeah. I need to hit the sack early, too.”
She stood on tiptoes and kissed him. “See you.”
“Yeah.” He turned and walked away.
She felt the pull of it, this parting, regret tugging at her. She turned toward him again just as he turned to face her, and they spoke at the same time.
“Maybe—”
“We could—”
They laughed.
“You first,” he said.
“Maybe you could pop over an hour from now, and we could talk.”
“I’d like that.”
*
Jesse finished brushing his teeth and stared at his reflection in the mirror.
What the hell are you doing?
God, he didn’t know.
His life felt like it was spinning out of control, as if he was no longer in the driver’s seat—which was absurd. No one was in control of his life but him. And yet…
In a period of two weeks, he’d helped Ellie get home, made out with her like a high school kid, babysat the twins, made her dinner, bought her dinner at Knockers. And now he was going to walk over just to talk.
Shit.
He didn’t do relationships, especially not with kids in the picture.
If it quacks like a relationship and walks like a relationship...
Okay, so, this was starting to look a lot like a relationship. That’s certainly what they’d left his fellow Team members thinking.
Maybe if he and Ellie had fucked that night, things would have stayed simple. They’d be living their own lives, hooking up a couple times a week to blow off sexual steam. He wouldn’t be having nightmares or talking to his own fucking reflection in the bathroom mirror.
Get a grip.
He walked out of the bathroom, put on his snow boots, and grabbed his parka.
Maybe he was just horny and this desire to be with her was nothing more than lust. It had been a long time since he’d gotten laid, after all, and he had the same urges as any man. Then again, he’d never let the need for sex drive him. Repeated deployments meant that he was used to going long periods with just his right hand for company. It wasn’t like he was going to come undone if he didn’t get pussy.
Yeah, he wanted Ellie, but there was more to it than that. He enjoyed spending time with her, enjoyed listening to her voice, liked watching her interact with her kids. He admired her, too. She was smart, sweet, compassionate. He’d watched tonight when she’d spoken with Hawke and had seen the effect her words had had on him. She’d helped Hawke more than he ever could have.
Terra incognita.
Unknown territory.
That’s what this was. He’d never been drawn to someone like this before, and a part of him was fucking scared to death. He had no plan of attack. There was no enemy. Or maybe there was. Maybe he was the enemy.
What are you going to do about it?
He could end this. He could call Ellie and explain that things had gotten out of hand. He could tell her that he was interested in sex, not a relationship. He could tell her that he’d be there for her as a neighbor but nothing else.
And then what?
She’d think he was an asshole, and she’d be right. Worse than that, it would make him a coward and a liar because he did want to be with her—and not just for sex.
He stepped outside into the dark and cold and walked through his backyard down the mountain toward Ellie’s house. Snow crunched under his feet, the sky bright with icy stars, the golden light that spilled out from her kitchen window drawing him.
She opened the door before he could knock. “Hey.”
Jesse stared.
Jesus!
She stood there in nothing but a long nightgown of blue silk, its slender straps baring her soft shoulders, her nipples making little points beneath the fabric.
You’re letting in cold air, idiot.
He stomped off the snow and stepped inside, then closed the door and slipped out of his parka, still unable to take his gaze off her.
And then she was in his arms.
Chapter 11
Ellie kissed Jesse the way she’d been burning to kiss him, the way she’d fantasized about kissing him. His response was immediate, like a match hitting gasoline. He crushed her against him as he kissed her back, almost lifting her off the floor, ravishing her mouth with his.
God, yes.
She needed this, this raw male part of him, his strength, that hint of aggression he kept under such strict control.
Oh, he knew what he was doing. He sucked her lower lip into his mouth, traced the outline of her lips with his tongue, then claimed her mouth again, his scent an aphrodisiac, the hard feel of his body making her knees weak.
She slipped her arms around his neck and held on, molding her body to his.