“You heard me. You broke up your own family. Paul doesn’t look like he’s done being a father. It’s obvious he still cares for you.”
“I don’t understand what you’re saying. Of course Paul isn’t done being a dad and of course he still cares for me. I still care for him. But what does that have to do with you?”
“You’ve got me filling shoes that aren’t even empty,” he snapped.
“Excuse me?” Gianna’s tone was ice cold. She wrapped her arms around herself.
“There’s a man in there who doesn’t look disconnected and disinterested to me. And you’ve already got me lined up, falling for you, falling for your kids. Well, I’ve got news for you. I’m not poaching someone else’s family.”
“You need to stop now before you say something that can’t be taken back.” Gia was getting fiery. Matching anger with anger.
There was no stopping the tirade now. The words tumbled out of his mouth.
“Maybe it’s a family trait. You and your father just shuffling people in and out of relationships, rearranging families.”
“Beckett, I’m going to give you a chance to calm down and then you’re going to give me a chance to explain why Paul is here.” Her jaw was clenched.
“No.” The word cracked across the backyard with the force of a whip. “I don’t need you to explain to me what he’s doing here. He came to ask for a second chance and you’re not going to use me as an excuse not to give him one. I’m not stepping in to play daddy when he’s here, ready and willing.”
She shivered from the ice in his voice. He too felt the cold from the inside out.
“You can’t take a man’s family from him, Gianna.”
“I’m not taking anyone’s family away from anyone.”
“You just decided you were done. He’s clearly not done with you or the kids. Not all families are lucky enough to get the choice to stay together. Sometimes we lose people and we can’t get them back.” His throat clogged with emotions. Anger, frustration, and that bitter sadness that had never dulled, never faded.
“I did what was right for my family,” Gianna snapped. “I would have thought you of all people would understand that.”
“No, you did what you thought was right for you. You’ve got a chance to make it right for everyone and you’re selfish if you don’t.”
“So that’s it then? You don’t even want to hear what I have to say?” Gianna’s words were clipped. “Once again you make a sweeping decision that affects me and my kids and we don’t even get to talk about it?”
The ice lodged in his gut. Somewhere along the line, he’d started to think of all of them as his. But they weren’t. They belonged to a man named Paul who was waiting for his wife to come back.
“Go home, Gia.”
30
Gia had never been so grateful for Paul than when she went back in the house. He took one look at her face and volunteered to watch the kids. Her expression must have said it all. She was so angry, so hurt. A rage headache pounded behind her eyes. Even the heavy bag wouldn’t be enough to work off this mad. Nothing short of pounding in Beckett’s face would make it stop.
She climbed in her car and briefly entertained a fantasy of taking out Beckett’s mailbox as she backed down the drive. She’d found early on in her marriage that entertaining violent fantasies usually prevented her from physically following through on them. She thought of Trudy and suddenly felt a kinship to the crazy woman.
How dare Beckett place judgment on her like that? How dare he filter her life through his own issues? He missed his father? That was no excuse for trying to make her feel guilty for doing what was best for her kids.
It was best, wasn’t it? Dragging Evan out of the school he’d just started to get used to because Paul had a “new gig” with a “guaranteed record deal.” The permanent ambivalence with which he’d viewed his parenting responsibilities. He wasn’t a “bed and bath-time” kind of dad. He was a “spend the night at the recording studio” or “call from the road” dad. He’d missed birthdays, anniversaries, story time, groundings, and bad dreams.
She brought up the last straw in her mind’s eye. She’d come home from a yoga class. She’d just started teaching a few months earlier as a way to earn some extra money. When Paul had lost his job again, she picked up a few extra classes at one of the studios where she worked.
It was after nine, she hadn’t eaten, she still had to pack Evan’s lunch for the next day, and the school bake sale she’d promised brownies to had snuck up on her.
She stopped at the grocery store for brownie ingredients and crossed her fingers that her debit card wouldn’t be declined. Money was tight and Paul once again was making noise about following his music career rather than buckling down and making ends meet.