I fight back the hope that threatens to grow.
“I said you’re not making any sense. Since we’ll be living together, what’s the big deal if we travel together.” He folds his arms across his chest and digs in.
“Who said I’m moving in with you?”
“I did.”
“And why would I do that?”
“Because it’s been almost two damn weeks since you left, Harlow and I can’t sleep for shit.”
“I’m sure many women would be willing to wake up next to you.”
“Because every time I get my coffee, I wait for you to make fun of me for making it too weak.”
“Sounds like your own problem.”
“Because I can’t stop thinking about you.”
I don’t have a comeback for that one other than a cautious smile that says I want to believe but am too hurt to hope.
“That’s your own doing,” I whisper.
“It is.” He nods. “I’ve been miserable without you, Harlow.”
I don’t trust myself to speak because as good as it feels to know that he’s been suffering like I have, it doesn’t change his views on love.
“Good.”
“Good?” he chuckles, and I nod as tears I don’t want to show well in my eyes. “I missed you. Everything about you. I haven’t slept, I’ve been an asshole to everyone, I . . . Christ,”—he scrubs a hand over his jaw—“SoulM8 is taking off through the roof—I should be the happiest guy on the planet and yet the only thing I can think about is you and how badly I screwed up.”
“Okay.” I draw the word out because I’m trying to stay true to my promise that I deserve more and with each word he speaks, it makes it that much harder to not rise from the chair and kiss him senseless.
“I’m screwing this up, aren’t I?” He laughs and draws in a breath as I shake my head and wipe away the first escaped tear. “Please don’t cry.”
“Zane . . .”
“I told you love was bullshit but you know what? Right now I think it feels like complete misery. Like I have the stomach flu and am having a heart attack at the same time because that’s how I feel without you. So you see, I need you back. I need you to love me so you can show me what it is. So you can prove to me that it’s this wonderful thing that everyone says it is because right now it just feels like shit.”
“That’s because you’re experiencing heartbreak,” I murmur.
“Is that what this is?”
I rise from my seat and nod my head. “It sucks, doesn’t it?”
“God, yes.” He smiles and reaches out to frame my face in his hands, and his touch. . . oh, how I missed his touch. And his smile. And his laugh. And everything about him.
“It feels like there’s a knife in your heart that’s twisting constantly.”
“Yes,” he murmurs.
“And all you want to do is eat three gallons of ice cream even when your stomach hurts all the time.”
“Something like that.” When he smiles this time it reaches his eyes for the first time. “Can you help me fix it, Harlow?”
He leans in and brushes his lips against mine as another tear falls.
This is where I belong.
Here.
With him.
God, how I missed him.
“It takes a lot of groveling to fix a broken heart.”
“I messed up, Harlow.”
“You did.”
“I let you walk away without a fight.”
“You did.”
“I won’t do it again.”
“Why should I believe you?” I ask, needing to hear the answer.
“Because being with you changed me,” he says and my heart swells in my chest. “Because all I’ve ever known, all I’ve ever allowed myself to see is the negative side of relationships. Then you walked in, gloves on, fists up, and you fought your way into my heart. I didn’t even know it happened and the next thing I knew you were gone, and I was left understanding those stupid fairytales you say your mom espouses for the first time in my life. I’m not a knight in shining armor, Harlow—far, far from it—but I know I can be the man you deserve. I know I will work hard to make you happy so I never have to feel this misery again.”
“You’re not the only one who was miserable.”
“No?” he asks.
“No.”
“Should I kiss it and make it better?” He steps in and kisses me so tenderly I want to melt into him. When he leans back, he lifts his eyebrows. “Better?”
“That’s a start.”
He laughs against my lips. “Be patient with me? This is all new to me. It’s uncharted territory that scares the hell out of me but being without you scares me ten times more. So I’ll make mistakes. I’ll mess up . . . but I’ll keep trying to wade my way through this so long as I know I get to have you as the reward on the other side.”
It’s my turn to kiss him. I snake my hands up the front of his chest, thread my fingers through his hair, and pour all of my pent up emotion into the kiss. Into showing him what it feels like to love and be loved.
When the kiss ends, he rests his forehead against mine and we stand like this for a few moments just absorbing the moment, each other, and the possibility that is now between us.
“Can I say it now?” I ask, needing to get it off my chest and out in the air.
“What’s that?”